Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

I always had a fetish for being spanked and for being controlled.  It really was a turn on for me with my first sexual partner to be TOLD to do things  – mild though they were…such as to take my clothes off …NOW…even if riding in a car with him at night.  Years later…when internet became readily available to me, as I searched for spanking stuff, I came across BDSM stuff, though had NO clue what it was.

Then, when I met my Master.  He taught me so many things….so, so many.  I remember when I first started embarking into real BDSM with him, who was quite experienced, we would talk about limits and what we liked.  I remember that at the time I didn’t like really hard spanking.  I remember saying that I didn’t want marks ever left.  Wow! Have I changed!  I know want more, more, more.  I like it harder.  I WANT marks left.  I feel proud of marks and I actually feel sad if I have been spanked and then the next day don’t see anything, which actually is pretty often.  I don’t think I mark easily.  😦  I also wanted no part of having sex with others…..LOL…Wow!  Have I changed!  Now, I enjoy when we swing.  I still don’t know about a second sub, but, my Master is good, really, really good.  He is the one who very subtly changes me into what he wants.

BDSM Challenge Day 2: List your kinks.





24/7 (Total Power Exchange), Anal Sex, Asphyxiaphilia (Breath Play), Biting, Blindfolds, Bondage, Branding (Permanent marks), Breast/Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc., Candle Wax, Collar and Lead/Leash, Confinement/Caging, Depilation/Shaving, Dildos (Handheld & Strap-ons), Discipline, Exhibitionism/Sex In Public, Fire Play, Hair Pulling, Handcuffs/Shackles, Humiliation, Master/Slave, Mutual Masturbation, Nipples, Oral Sex, Pain, Pantyhose/Stockings, Piercings, Pinching, Power Exchange, Role Playing, Sadism, Spanking/Paddling, Talking Dirty, The Rack/Medieval Devices, Urolagnia (Water Sports/Urine), Voyeurism

Anyone care to comment?

Day 1 of 30 days of Kink Posts

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I am most definitely a sub.  In all areas of my life except….my career, and with my kids, but with my Master, who is also my husband, I am submissive.  I crave it, love it, need it, want it, and it turns me on…I desire it!  I am totally interested in serving my Master as well as being on the receiving end of Domination including pain – ie- spanking, some humiliation, and many other kinks that go with the lifestyle.  We live a 24/7 lifestyle as we can while still living our lives with families and career, etc..

Daddy or Master?

In our relationship, my Master started out by having me call him Master.  Only more recently, he has wanted me to more often refer to him as Daddy.  So, what is the difference?

Both show Dominance toward a submissive.  Although both should show a tenderness and a caring for their submissive, I almost think that a Daddy represents more of a caretaker with affection and tenderness.  Not necessarily in our case, because my Master has always treated me with tenderness and caretaking, but as represented normally, I think.  I also think the term Daddy most assuredly implies an innocent sub, one that needs taken care of, while a Master simply implies Dominance to a sub who may or may not exhibit these characteristics.  I also think that the kind of Daddy that i just described is definitely in the context of a Dom/sub relationship, but it could also just represent a Daddy who is taking care of a little girl and may or may not have Dom/sub involved.

In our relationship, I have become more and more dependent on my Master for day to day activities and because of my dependence, it lends itself more toward the Daddy term.

Does anyone care to comment?

That was Then, But This is Now

  I’ve been away from my blogging, sadly, but eager to reconnect!!!  I stopped blogging and stopped my Tumblr and stopped connecting on slaveduties.  I was somewhat depressed and wanting to focus on some issues.  It has been a time away from reflecting and I have REALLY missed it.

I also was having a problem with one particular issue that I just couldn’t get past.  It was this….  I want the ability, if I am going to express my thoughts in a blog or when connecting to be completely honest with my feelings.  The problem I was having was this…How do you do this when your Master reads your blog and connections?  I mean, can you be really honest?  What if you are thinking something that might be only temporary, due to emotions and you know that you are feeling it now, but need to work through it, so that you can accept it or reject it, but you haven’t gotten to that point of decision or finality on your feelings?  Do you know what I mean?

I finally decided just this week, that I REALLY need to express myself through my blogging.  I can work through issues better and not too long ago, as my Master and I were working through a discussion and we actually achieved this through texting each other while sitting in the same room together while watching tv.  I know, i know…how weird?  We don’t ever do that, it just worked out that way.  I think I took the initiative to text him first.  Anyway, he remarked later that we had a wonderful conversation that way.  I think I really can express myself better when I’m typing and can get a thought across better.  (Also, I don’t have to worry about him interrupting me mid sentence.)

I suddenly came to terms with the issue of my Master reading my thoughts before they were completely thought out.  To tell you the truth, I know think that he won’t be keeping up with me as thoroughly as he might like to and so I feel more of a sense of privacy (false though it may be) and therefore more of a willingness to express myself.  This driving my NEED to get back to my blogs.  🙂

Do you know what I mean?

Spanking – Erotic Punishment or Just Punishment

I had to write a post after reading and responding to littleprincessofpain’s blog post.  She had written about two different types of spankings and I want to expound with my thoughts.

The erotic spanking given to me by my Master is in prelude to sex and orgasm usually.  He will lean me over the bed after I undress and start with slow mild slaps gradually increasing the strength and decreasing the length between smacks.  Then he usually switches to a small flogger, slowly building up.  I can tell as I get used to each level of pain and feel myself getting more and more used to the strokes to the point where I almost don’t feel anything but hot.  Unfortunately, that is where he usually stops.  But, deliciously we move on to other hot things.

The punishment spanking from my Master due to my Master being extremely displeased with me is a total different scenario.  A couple of days ago was the perfect example.  I came home from my job on Wednesday and I was full of anxiety and irritableness.  Sometimes, I really don’t have a handle on why i get this way occasionally.  I know exactly where it is going to lead, yet I can’t help myself even though I know my Master is going to be really mad at me and that is something I hate worse than anything at all ever!!!  Hate it, hate it, hate it.  So, anyway, I start snapping about this or that.  My Master tries to be kind and helpful and asks me what is wrong.  I want to say and do say that i don’t feel like talking about it and of course, that pisses him off to no end because I don’t have a right to that.  grrrrrr….So I name a few things that are bothering me, such as the fact that I have so much to do…complaining really…and he nicely and graciously offers to do the dishes.  I, of course, snap back that I don’t want him to do that.  I really don’t…many reasons.  Anyway, snapping on my part gets worse, partly because I am sure that my snapping is leading me down, down , down the path of destruction, but thinking about THAT just makes me more irritated.  Even as I try to breathe deeply and chill, I cannot.  My Master then orders me to the bedroom and takes my pants down and starts smacking me fast and really hard.  I am squealing and crying and so mad ….at myself.  I know that I deserve it.  sigh….and the worst, is not just the pain, but the fact that my Master is really mad and won’t be getting over it soon.  😦

3D Movies

I think that the 3D movie craze is just a fad, huge though it is. I personally don’t want to watch every movie with special glasses over top of my regular glasses to watch a movie. I go to the movies for the experience of being in the theater. Watching the big screen, yes, but also to be with the people I went with – my Master. I like to turn and share a smile or other expression in whatever scene we just saw. I also go for the popcorn, I admit!

Away for awhile…now back

As is common with a lot of bloggers, I was away, but now am back.  Why do bloggers do that?  I can only speak for myself.  Sometimes as i am blogging, i start to want to reveal myself more and more and then I get scared about revealing too much.  I worry about someone finding out who I really am and then my blogging begins to decline into nonexistence.  I also know that my Master reads my blog, I think?, at least I know that he is able to if he wants and I worry about revealing in a hot moment something that I really don’t mean.  I know him well enough to know that in so doing, it may cause enormous turmoil over something that I really didn’t mean.  I don’t know how to combat that?  And so…again…blogging into nonexistence.  On the other hand, who do I have to talk to about my relationships and my thoughts on life.  I know that my Master would like it to be him, but I want to be able to freely express feelings without getting into trouble and so sometimes I struggle.  Sometimes to the point that I don’t want to struggle…and therefore, I don’t want to blog.  I am feeling lately especially the last week or so, to want to blog , to express my feelings in writing, and wanting to get back into some of my previous blogging friends and connections even though they were only barely barely aquaintances.  I think what really has me excited is the thought of a bloggin buddy.  I hope that i can find one.