I would definitely say that finding friends in the lifestyle, really in the lifestyle and not posing, to talk to and socialize with is difficult.
Hmmmm….wow..there are sooo many that I’m interested in but have never yet tried. I would love to be branded…like actually branded with a branding iron. I know it would hurt like hell and I would hate that. I’m sure I would scream and cry and pout for days, maybe weeks. But I would love it! I like the idea of being caged (as long as I can stretch out and not be cramped in pain). I’ve never been suspended or on any kind of rack, and think it is terribly scary, but would like to try if my Master wanted it. Basically, anything that my Master would like to try with me, I am very VERY interested in doing for him. I also know that there are a million things in the realm of humiliation that I’ve not experienced that I’m sure my Master wants to do and though I don’t like being humiliated, I like being humiliated. I know that’s hard to explain and understand, but I know that there are a lot of subs who know exactly what I mean and many people that can explain more eloquently what I mean.
There was a time when my Master picked out all of my clothing. At that time I had a lot of clothing, a lot of underclothing, etc… I was a size 4/6. Now I am a size 10…uck..but, ohwell. So, all of that clothing doesn’t fit anymore and my wardrobe is not as abundant as it was then. Between those size points, I began to get irritated with my Master picking out my clothing for work because I didn’t agree with some of his choices as being “professional”. He would try to argue that the woman’s body was beautiful and it didn’t matter if my nipples stuck out so. I disagreed. So the rule was changed to where I could select my work clothing. And then I became depressed at how much of my clothing didn’t fit and so the rule was put on the back burner.
Now, however, I’ve asked for the rule to be reinstated and my Master was happy with this, I think. I rearranged and cleaned out and packed up things from my huge closet so that now things readily available actually fit me and I’ve separated what I feel comfortable wearing to work – thus work clothes – to a separate section.
I will now add this to my list of rules. 🙂
Last night, I got “in trouble”. I can’t remember exactly why, only that somehow it had to do with “authority”. I know I had asked him earlier if he was going to torture me tonight. And he said, “yes”. I can’t remember how we got on the subject of authority. (I’m sure as soon as he reads this that he will “remind” me.) I think that I might have been mocking him by saying, “authoritay”. LOL Anyway, I had had a couple glasses of wine. It only takes one for me to “feel pretty good”. My Master got that, “oh, really” look on his face and pulled my pants down, leaned me over the bed, and started wacking me really hard with a plastic hanger. OUCH!!!! (I was really upset with myself because I had planned in my head from early in the evening that I was going to take as much as I could this night without my usual whining at the first smack. I really have a low pain tolerance, but I don’t like that fact about myself. I want to be able to “take it”. Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like I would be a better little girl if I could take more. And that makes me want to take more. But, I couldn’t and I was whining and squealing and jumping around and he was throwing me back down on the bed over and over. Then he demanded that I take all my clothes off and then he handed me my little summer robe and told me to put on my sandals. I was like..what? why? He led me outside into the backyard and around the side of the house where it is really dark. He had his cell with him and I expected that he was going to make me pose nude while he took pics. But, instead he led me to the front yard and out to the car. I was like, “What are we doing? Where are we going? Someone might see me. ” He was like, “You were wearing nearly the same earlier when we went to the store.” ( I was wearing a skirt and tank and sandals.) I was like, “Yeah, but this is a ROBE!!!!” We got in the car and he told me to “Open the robe”. I was like freaking out a bit, but the wine kept me just a little calmer. I was like, “Someone could see me!” We were right in front of the house under a street light. But I complied. Then he started the car and drove me around the neighborhood like that. I was like freaking out and whining all the while. He said, “Now who is the authority.” I became quite quiet and said, “You are.” “WHAT?” “You are, Daddy.” sigh….how humiliating!
???The only way it varies for me is that I fantasize about what I really wish/know might happen in real life. What are fantasies if not to wish to come true?
Our relationship has to remain subtle because we have lives that interfere with our life. LOL We have family and kids and careers and just life. Most of our BDSM relationship is expressed behind our bedroom door or if we go out to play with certain people.
But, we do have certain rituals that we perform that show to each other that we are still 24/7 Master/slave. These things may just look to others like my husband is the “boss” or that I really “adore” my husband. And guess what? It’s true! My husband is the boss and I really do adore him!
So, what are these subtle things? I may have to add to this list as I think of them.
- I always “check” with my husband before doing things.
- I almost never go anywhere by myself.
- He ALWAYS drives. (It makes him car sick to be a passenger.)
- He always opens doors for me. (It may seem sweet, but it is also a control, I think.)
- He “leads” me when we maneuver through crowds or through restaurants. ( I hate to lead the way when we go to our table at restaurants. He may guide me by a gentle hand on me, or more likely, he may take my hand and go first.)
- He “orders” for me. (This, after we discuss the menu and I tell him what I want.)
- I make him coffee every morning and serve him in bed. I also make him coffee after a “nap”.
- He does ALL the shopping. We (family) all add things as needed or wanted to the grocery list on the refrigerator, but he makes final decision as to whether to buy it or not.
- He does ALL the bills.
- Basically, he makes most decisions.
- I ask him daily if there is anything that he wants me to do today.
- He asks me my plans and often makes me a list or looks over my list of to do for the day.
- I wear a Cartier love bracelet, which is never removed.
- He has influence into what I wear.
- He decides what I buy in shopping for clothing. I must try on the clothing and show him and he will say whether it is a go or not.
I can’t think of anything else right now. I’ll add it if I think of it. I would like for there to be more, but one really has to be creative.
The first thing that appeals to me is that I feel like a man should be the boss. No, my family wasn’t really that way, although, somewhat. I always felt like my parents pretty equally did everything. They both worked. They both made decisions. They both parented. But, I think that I always wished that I grew up in the 50s where the wife stayed at home and more or less served her husband. I also feel like it is biblically correct. I mean, someone really has to lead. It is hard to have two leaders in a group, which is why, in my humble opinion, some marriages have a hard time. (Of course there are a million other reasons, too.) In my first marriage, I tried to let my husband be leader. He either couldn’t or wouldn’t. And then there was a million other things that I don’t want to get into here. But to me, it makes sense for one person to lead. It also makes sense that the guy being stronger and more powerful should be that person. It also makes sense to me that a leader is defined by his follower/s. I mean, if he is GIVEN the leadership, then he will work it out. Some better than others. I don’t like to make decisions. I mean, I can. Let’s face it. I am a leader in my job. I make decisions all the time. But, I also love my job and have a passion for it and I’m good at it. I like making decisions in this aspect. But, I DON’T like making other day to day decisions. I guess I’m really just talking about one aspect of the kinks of BDSM. There are so many and so many reasons for it.
I am also sexually attracted to the lifestyle of Dom/sub because basically, being controlled turns me on. I really like being told what to do. I not only feel turned on, but I also feel taken care of. I feel comfort. I feel more sure of myself. I feel more calm. My Master always tells me that I don’t have to worry about pleasing him, because that is his job – to make sure of that through me. If I’m not doing it right, then that is his responsibility to fix that. How much better can it get than that?
There are so many kinks in BDSM that I like, but at first there was only one that I knew about and knew that I really liked. It was spanking. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it was the Penthouse porn story that I read as a kid about a woman getting spanked. Regardless, I knew that I liked it and wanted it. As it turns out, I like a WHOLE lot more than that. I just needed introduced to it, slowly and with the expertise of someone who would be able to make me like it. (Ahhh…another post.) Anyway, the more I learn, the more I like, the more I want. I think that all the kinks that I like in BDSM are related to the control factor somehow.
Isn’t it a perfect fit when 1 person really wants to boss the other person and then 1 person really wants the other to do it? I mean, THAT is a PERFECT FIT!
The previous post I wrote FINALLY gave me something to write about in relationship to this question. I think it is hilarious when someone says something about me being innocent or conservative or they might make an assumption that I would “never do that”. And then my Master whispers in my ear…”If ONLY they knew!..”
Part II to this answer is not really all that humorous, but my Master finds it so! He loves to make me do things that are totally embarrassing, that I either only will do when extremely turned on, or I’ve had a little drink, and then tease me about endlessly. He will verbally remind me, or show me a pic (ugh…the proof) or he will say something aloud in front of people that refers to the incident, but SUPPOSEDLY no one knows what he means. And then….he laughs!!! Examples of this are when he makes me bark like a dog, times I’ve done things that I said I wouldn’t do. (He loves to refer to the fact that I don’t really consider myself bisexual, but I enjoy being with a woman. …I know, i know) And then he also likes to show me naked pics that he has taken so that he can hear me gasp and say, “I can’t believe that I did that!!!” 🙂
As women we want and need to feel sexy, be sexy, and look sexy. I have never been seen as “sexy” really, only “cute”. I am short. 5’2 I’m fairly petite, though, ya know, not like I have been at times. (Gotta get on that exercise!) I don’t have big tits. I have small tits. I really like my tits, but that is another post. I have more of a round face, rather than with prominent cheekbones. I have a “cute” little nose, big eyes, and really, really tiny ears. I’m also somewhat naive. Or rather I have a naive nature. I often don’t “get it”. Even though I am quite intelligent with a 4 year degree and a professional job. I also have a bad habit of announcing really quickly that I don’t get it, which reveals my naivety. (That is because I want to be in the know. Who doesn’t, right?) My parents and sisters are conservative and basically, most of my life, I’m a bit conservative, too. Oh, I also wear glasses….the secretary, librarian, teacher-type glasses. My Master likes my glasses and doesn’t encourage me to get contacts. (Sometimes I wonder if that is also partly because I can’t see a freakin’ thing without my glasses and he likes to be the one to take my glasses off…either sometimes for sex, or at bed. That being another way he can control me. 🙂 ) I have always been seen as prim and proper and definitely not “wild”.
That used to bug me. Not anymore…especially when my someone says something about how innocent I am and then my Master whispers in my ear, “If they only knew!!!”
Bdsm and D/s relationships are about two people working together to fulfill their mutual needs and desires. Abuse is about someone who has issues or a complete lack of social skills matched with self control and coping issues taking advantage of another person and their weaknesses to do harm for purely selfish and self centered reasons.
via My Master 🙂