Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

The first thing that appeals to me is that I feel like a man should be the boss.  No, my family wasn’t really that way, although, somewhat.  I always felt like my parents pretty equally did everything.  They both worked.  They both made decisions.  They both parented.  But, I think that I always wished that I grew up in the 50s where the wife stayed at home and more or less served her husband.  I also feel like it is biblically correct.  I mean, someone really has to lead.  It is hard to have two leaders in a group, which is why, in my humble opinion, some marriages have a hard time.  (Of course there are a million other reasons, too.)  In my first marriage, I tried to let my husband be leader.  He either couldn’t or wouldn’t.  And then there was a million other things that I don’t want to get into here.  But to me, it makes sense for one person to lead.  It also makes sense that the guy being stronger and more powerful should be that person.  It also makes sense to me that a leader is defined by his follower/s.  I mean, if he is GIVEN the leadership, then he will work it out.  Some better than others.  I don’t like to make decisions.  I mean, I can.  Let’s face it.  I am a leader in my job.  I make decisions all the time.  But, I also love my job and have a passion for it and I’m good at it.  I like making decisions in this aspect.  But, I DON’T like making other day to day decisions. I guess I’m really just talking about one aspect of the kinks of BDSM.  There are so many and so many reasons for it.

I am also sexually attracted to the lifestyle of Dom/sub because basically, being controlled turns me on.  I really like being told what to do.  I not only feel turned on, but I also feel taken care of.  I feel comfort.  I feel more sure of myself.  I feel more calm.  My Master always tells me that I don’t have to worry about pleasing him, because that is his job – to make sure of that through me.  If I’m not doing it right, then that is his responsibility to fix that.  How much better can it get than that?

There are so many kinks in BDSM that I like, but at first there was only one that I knew about and knew that I really liked.  It was spanking.  Why?  I don’t know.  Maybe it was the Penthouse porn story that I read as a kid about a woman getting spanked.  Regardless, I knew that I liked it and wanted it.  As it turns out, I like a WHOLE lot more than that.  I just needed introduced to it, slowly and with the expertise of someone who would be able to make me like it.  (Ahhh…another post.)  Anyway, the more I learn, the more I like, the more I want.  I think that all the kinks that I like in BDSM are related to the control factor somehow.

Isn’t it a perfect fit when 1 person really wants to boss the other person and then 1 person really wants the other to do it?  I mean, THAT is a PERFECT FIT!

1 Comment

  1. This is a very important one, especially for a Dom because the reasons can be so varied and not always positive. Honestly I am a control freak and somewhat self centered. I think it is important to be able to view yourself in a realistic manor flaws and all as it helps you understand your motivations in life. The good news is being expected even from a very young age to be a care giver and a responsible person, my self centered nature expresses itself in some positive ways. I like to take care of others, to help them and make them feel good and safe. I like the responsibility of outcomes to be in my hands good or bad so I am able to protect myself and others. I was brought up on ancient literature and classic literature. So the way my mind thinks of chivalry and hospitality is more of a commanding protector than a power hungry user. I have always loved feeling like a protector with my subs and even other people in my life. And lets be honest, I am a Dom, I like getting my way in things and I like getting what I want. I must have never grown out of that aspect of childhood desire and pleasure in its success.

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