In a rut?

In a rut?  It sounds horrible, like some people who have gotten bored with their life…or their sex life.  It sounds like something old people might do when they are just into vanilla boredom.  So, that is not how I see us, my Master and I, at all!  First of all, we don’t just have vanilla sex.  And I love having sex with my Master and he says that he also feels the same way in that he still desires me and so forth, blah, blah.  So, first let me define what our “rut” is.  It appears to me that our rut can be defined as way less sex and way less BDSM.  That is really the only way that I can describe it.  We HAVE both been under a lot of stress the past little while…ok…for the past year.  Family issues have been somewhat stressful…ok…way stressful.  Of course for me, my whole life has been pretty stressful, it seems.  So, this past year has not been that much stress for me as it has for my Master and that is because he spends an ENORMOUS amount of time trying to take the stress off of me.  He likes to be in charge and he likes responsibility because he likes to be in control, so it has worked for us….except that he has been way stressed out.  Things as of a month or so ago, though, have really, really changed for us.  So, then it has been rest and recoup time.  We talked some and hopefully, we can recharge and move forward.  It is hard in this respect to be the submissive because I don’t want to be in charge and I’m not, so to make the first move is difficult.  Luckily, we have a great relationship and we talk a lot about difficult things.

About a month ago, we agreed that we needed to “get back on track” as he calls it. One of the first things that we did was agree to start a diary which we would mail to each other weekly.  (Well….lol that didn’t last.)  We decided that we would discuss each other’s thoughts and feelings in each other’s diary.  Great idea!  But, then when the second week in, my Master sent his diary to me, I was a little upset.  That is because I read that he was not as excited about sex.  WOW!  that hit me like a brick, actually.  On the one hand, i have not done much to promote sex, so I could say that I am partly to blame.  But, my reasons, I say to myself, are because I have been so tired and because my Master very often doesn’t feel good or is stressed and so it just feeds into .

We talked about this some and Master’s first response was that he felt bad for making me feel bad and that he didn’t want to write if that was going to happen.  We talked about getting “back on track”  and Master said he would write some new rules for me to follow since my last set of rules had gone mostly by the wayside.  Not completely.  We have never not been Dom/sub.  We are always that and I feel it has become more ingrained in me than ever….at least for me!  I don’t really do anything without permission…or prior permission.  It has become second nature for me to ask.  And over the course of the past year, I NEVER go anywhere by myself anymore.  My Master drives me to and from work.  He does all the shopping either by himself or takes me with if I want something in particular.  Even if I have meetings at other places than my home base, he will pick me up and drive me there and pick me up…usually.  Every once in a great while, i will drive myself, but he doesn’t like me to.  It is as much a control thing for him, as it is a relationship bonding time for us.  We enjoy riding in the car and chit chatting!

Anyway, a few more days,a  week or so went by and Master didn’t give me a new set of rules or for that matter, we had no discussion on the matter.  Well, Friday or was it Saturday night I went to bed and I was so tired.  Really, too tired for instigating sex, although i would have gladly and enthusiastically complied if he would have made a move, but no…so…I went to sleep.  Or..I tried.  But I kept thinking about our ‘predicament’ that we had both agreed was a *gasp* ‘rut’.  Suddenly at 11:30pm, I became wide awake and decided that we needed to talk.  And we seem to do our best talking while riding.  So, I went to the bathroom and fixed myself up a bit…put on some mascara, put my jeans on, jewelry and perfume and said…”let’s go out!  I want a cigar!”  Well, let me tell you, we had a wonderful time.  We drove  around for quite awhile and smoked and talked.  I can’t remember exactly what we talked about, but I felt better after discussing our relationship.  One of the things that Master had mentioned in his diary previously was that he really wanted to get back into swinging and I DO want to do that.  It is exciting and all, but not until we get our own relationship back “on track”, which he totally agreed with.  Then we both decided we were hungry and went to a bar and ate Nachos and it was a blast!!!  ahhhh…so nice to not only talk about important issues so that you can know where you stand, but ALSO to have a good time.  LOVE IT!!!

1 Comment

  1. Pingback: Vanilla « The Curse Of The Single Parent

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