Does sex always make sense? I NEED to feel a torture/punishment or something of the sort at times. Sometimes feeling the punishment makes me feel so much better psychologically. I guess I feel bad about myself for one thing or another. (Mind you, I have high self-esteem, I believe.) But I often don’t feel that I’m being put in my place enough. I not only enjoy being owned, but I crave it. The punishment makes me feel more subdued and vulnerable and I like that. To me it is a release of the power that I have continually felt all my life. I’ve been “in charge” a lot during my childhood and even in adulthood – whether being a parent or while at my job where I have many under that I must “tell what to do”. It is exhausting and I really don’t think that I’m made to be in charge at all. I do love my job but by the time I get home, I NEED to not feel that anymore. I need a break. I need a release. I want to be taken care of. Feeling vulnerable really satisfies that need for me. To make me feel vulnerable, I need someone to take charge, to make me feel REALLY not in charge, perhaps even to be made to feel small, to feel I have little or no control. This doesn’t have to be sexual at all, but having an orgasm is very much a vulnerable feeling and not having control over orgasm is even more mind blowing vulnerability.