Day 19 of 30 Days of Submission: Connecting Socially

Day 19 – How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

I do not believe that I am very socially connected at all. I would love to find others to connect to for support or networking in my submission. Blogging and sometimes getting on Fetlife, I’ve tried to connect, but it is difficult.

I think it would be fun to go to events. I’m not sure that my Master really wants to, though. We’ve talked about it a few times and he’s made statements that seemed like he MIGHT be interested, but nothing ever comes of it. (Which has always baffled me since he talks of wanting to go out and get together with others all the time. And we do on occasion. We go in spells.) shrug

My Master would love to have another sub. I’ve come to accept that. I would love to have a close sub friend that might also turn out to be more than just another sub of my Master’s and more than just a close friend. We’ll see what life turns out.

Day 18 of 30 Days of Submission: Does my opinion matter?

Day 18 – Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

I definitely feel that I can share my opinion openly and honestly with my Master. And I feel that my opinion matters a great deal, not only to me, but also to my Master. I may not get my way, but he does listen.

Having to do with limits: I feel that this subject should be discussed and agreed to before getting into a true Dom/sub relationship with someone. I don’t believe that those limits should be changed unless talked to and agreed upon. Even the subject of “pushing the limits” should not cross the limit lines, unless agreed upon. In my own relationship, I believe that we have a pretty clear understanding and because my opinion matters and I know it, I trust my Master completely. I know he would NEVER do anything to break my trust. I think it is because we have been together and have been through a lot together and he has proved over and over that I can trust him.

I know that my opinion counts because his stance is this: He will always listen to my expressed opinion and wants and needs, but he will make the final decision and I must trust that he is boss, that he is right. Even if he makes mistakes, that’s ok. I have given that final say/control to him. I want him to be the boss, to have the control, and with that, the responsibility of the consequences of the decisions. It relieves me from it. I, in turn, try to help him, by giving my opinion, but also by giving him the respect of being the one in control.

Sometimes it is hard for me to do what he says when I have not yet expressed my opinion, which could very well, (as I know, to be better(gasp, dare I say that) than what he has declared or told me to do. But, out of respect, my duty is to make attempts to show that I am starting to follow his direction or command. This shows both him and i that what he says as boss is the most important thing, but i can give input which he will either accept or reject. In order to give input, I must first show that I am proceeding to follow his command and then I may ask if i may say or ask something. And for me, the most important thing is not that he changes what he was going to do based on what I say, but rather that he is as informed as he needs to be and I feel proud and happy for helping. I feel proud and happy as his sub to do what he commands. It doesn’t have to be right or have to be the best or most efficient at all. For me, it is knowing he is happy that I have acquiesced. I think he might be MORE proud of me if I did what he wanted, even knowing that it was not what I thought was best, but rather what he WANTED me to do. (I’m not always successful at this, but I am a work in progress.)

Communication is the key to any relationship, but with a Dom/sub relationship it is 10 times more important! (Not that my Master thinks I am very good at it, but I still know it is important and I try.)

Day 17 of 30 Days of Submission: Day 17 – What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Day 17 – What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

I believe trust is paramount! What is there without trust? In being submissive, I first have to trust in the actual dynamics that we, as a Dom/sub couple, have set forth. A Dominant promises to take care of his sub. A sub must trust this to be true or else how can she want to submit to being dominated without fear.

I completely trust my Master. He has proved over and over during the course of our relationship that he can be trusted. That doesn’t mean that he won’t make mistakes, but he has never broken my trust.

I think the more trust that one has for a Dominant, the more submissive the sub can be, because she can let go of control. She can trust her Dominant to do that for her. In return, she can be more pleasing to her Dominant.

Day 16 of 30 Days of Submission: Day 16 – Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

When I first started exploring the net and BDSM, specifically Dom/sub, I talked to a few “Masters”, but they didn’t seem like they knew what they were talking about.  It wasn’t until I met my Master that I knew that this was the real deal and that he was a real person, too. I was very intrigued and he seemed very intrigued with me.  We took it very slowly and I fell totally in love with him.  We are married now and I honestly can’t imagine it any other way, or with any other person.  I know that my submission to anyone else, male or female, would be at his discretion and it most definitely would be different, in that it would be secondary to my submission to my Master.  Actually, no, not secondary, but rather conditionally, based on what my Master had set forth.

Pain in BDSM

My Master gave me this topic PAIN to blog about, particularly in light of some statements that I made recently after a rather harsh punishment from him.

I’ve blogged on the topic of pain versus pleasure a bit:

The following post tells a little of how I got to the point where I realized that I liked pain.
Pain not pleasure or pleasure not pain or both

And this post defines the definition between TORTURE and PUNISHMENT.
Punishment vs. Torture

In our BDSM relationship, my Master has used some pain with me. It has become more and more intense throughout our relationship. When we first met, I remember my limits as being that I wanted to be spanked, but wanted no marks. Gradually, I began to feel differently. I credit that completely to my Master’s influence. Now I actually feel that he is somewhat of a sadist and I, a masochist. (He enjoys inflicting pain for his pleasure and I enjoy receiving pain for my pleasure or for his.)

How did he do this? Many many subtle ways. So subtle that it was hard to see that it was his influence and not just completely my evolvement. One thing we used to do quite often, was to sit at night on our bed with a computer between us (and each wearing headphones, because we had teenagers in the house) and he would select porn clips and we would watch them. And then he would ask me, “How do you feel about this clip?” “What do you like and don’t like?” I would answer honestly, often asking questions. I know that I would often respond with “That looks scary.” But, reading and watching really did change how I thought and gradual introduction into some of these things got me very excited and gradually changed my views and wants and needs. My Master would also show me how hard his cock was getting while spanking me and the fact that allowing him to spank me was not only exciting but getting him hard was a huge turn-on. Being submissive, I want to make him hard. And as I’ve been conditioned to think, making my Master hard and making him cum are my two number one objectives as his submissive. See how it works?

Another aspect that influenced my wanting more pain was being marked. After my first desire to get marks, which I discussed about in the links above, I began to get excited and actually want marks. I think that I am actually hard to mark and so that also feeds into me wanting more intense torture.

Again, read my post above for the difference between TORTURE and PUNISHMENT. There are two main aspects to the differences between the two.

First of all, TORTURE is for the pleasure of my Master. I also feel pleasure, either in pleasing him, or physically enhancing my own excitement, or both. My Master achieves this by a rather slow build up of the pain he is inflicting. He may start with very mild spanks and build up very slowly. With this kind of a build up, I can take so, so much more pain and it builds up huge excitement and desire for me. In addition to the physical factor, there is the mindset. Knowing ahead of time that I am to please my Master and this is for his pleasure sets me in the mind-frame for pleasing him and I may also find pleasure and this is exciting and full of desire.

PUNISHMENT, on the other hand, is to atone for a wrong and is not meant for pleasure. My Master usually achieves this by both rapid and direct infliction of pain and by expressing verbally his unhappiness with my behavior. I respond immediately by becoming very upset. I do not like to displease my Master. As time has gone on, this has become much more intense for me. He does not have any happy build-up, oh no! And sometimes his punishments are quite harsh to me. In another words, no pleasure here. I hurt and want it to stop.

Recently, my Master responded to a very nasty and horrible behaving sub, …me. 😦 He grabbed me and literally ripped some of my clothing and whipped me horribly with a belt. I was crying and I felt horrible. This was because I knew that I had done wrong. I was so upset with myself at being so horrible and saying such a nasty thing to him. And he was EXTREMELY mad. I had no time to prepare for the intense pain and it hurt! This last punishment was also different in that he did not let up very quickly at all. I think in the past he has been swift with some punishment and inflicted a bit of pain on me, but not to the extent and length that this past punishment was endured. (And honestly, I am such a baby for pain. Those who know me would never ever believe that I was into pain for any pleasure!) After the punishment, I started thinking that I didn’t think I was into pain anymore. Basically, I think it was a jump to the fact that I most CERTAINLY did not want to experience any punishment like that again. So I actually told my Master that I didn’t think I was into pain anymore. Of course, soon – a week or two, maybe, I had already changed my mind.

Things had already become right with the world and I knew that this last punishment had indeed made a very big impression on me. I hate to say this, because it makes me feel like a child, but the consequence, I feel, will greatly hinder me from saying anything nasty – at least for a long, long time.

I had actually forgotten that I had even said that I didn’t think that I was into pain anymore, but I’m sure my Master had not. We had already begun to make some changes in our life to increase my submission since settling down from the move, somewhat, and one of things he wished to implement was more TORTURE for his pleasure. I, of course, was happy to oblige. The night occurred about a week or so ago. My Master had me to undress and started to spank me and then use the belt on my ass. He was very, VERY slowly starting a buildup. I was not apprehensive at all, because I was into the moment of wanting him to fuck me and wanting to please me. I think he must have had a test in mind, because he didn’t fuck me right away. Instead he continued on and on. Finally starting to gently smack my pussy with the belt. I was already sooo turned on and this was driving me completely wild. I was trying to spread my legs farther and trying to tilt my pussy by arching my back more, so as to give him better access for smacking my pussy with the belt. I wanted MORE pain. But, as this was TORTURE, not PUNISHMENT, then it was being perceived COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

So, in conclusion, yes, yes I am into pain by way of TORTURE. How much? This, I am not sure of. I have only been spanked by hand, wooden spoon, belt, and a silicon flogger and I don’t think that these things have been administered with too much force in my experiences with TORTURE by my Master. The future is still a mystery to unwrap! 🙂

Blow Job

My Master came in to the bedroom where I was working on my blog and told me it was time for me to give him a blow job. He laid a pillow on the floor, where I kneeled. He took out his cock, which was already hard…mmmmm. I began to stroke his cock and balls a few times and he removed my glasses and then I put his cock in my mouth and began to lick and suck and stroke his cock with one hand and rub and play with his balls with my other hand. He says I give the best blow jobs. He smacks my cheek a few times. I don’t know why, but that drives me wild and I feel my nipples harden and I get a twinge in my pussy. It makes me want to suck more. He takes my hands away and that makes it really hard for me to suck because I can’t aim his cock down enough to not hit my teeth too much. But apparently he doesn’t care. I gag and my eyes water and soon he grabs my head, pushing a little more into my mouth and he cums, while I swallow and swallow. Mmmm….I LOVE giving him blow jobs! He slaps my lips and tongue with his cock as he recovers and then tells me I’m a good girl. I LOVE to hear those words.

TMI Tuesday February 17, 2014

TMI Tuesday blog

1. The Price is Right:

What is the right price to make you have sex with a total a total stranger?
If my Master told me to do it, then the price would be $0. Pleasing my Master – priceless!

2. Make Me Laugh:

What part of your naked body when touched, makes you laugh?
I’m pretty ticklish all over, but my feet are the worst. Actually, I don’t laugh, though, I scream! I don’t like it at all. The other parts of my body that are pretty ticklish are the back of my neck, the underside of my arms, my sides, and my inner thighs. It depends on my mood as to whether I laugh. Once I get turned on, I don’t laugh. And the back of my neck doesn’t make me laugh, but rather shiver….everytime!

3. Family Feud:

What act could you do or thing could you say that would really upset your significant other?

Let’s see. There are many things that I could say that would upset my Master. I guess the most upsetting would be if I asked him to leave. ugh….don’t even want to go there.

4. Supermarket Sweep:

You’ve been set free in a sex toy market that includes small items (e.g. condoms, vibrators) to large items (e.g. Sybians, spanking benches) and everything in between. What 5 items will you put in your shopping cart?

ooooo…there are so many things that I’d like to try! I would definitely want to know which ones my Master wanted to use on me most. I know that he has mentioned before a floor mounted fucking machine? I think I might be scared of that, but I’m sure he would make sure it was safe before using it on me. The second thing I would pick is something that delivers shocks of different degrees. I’ve always been interested in what that feels like. The third think I would pick, would be a ball gag. I have one that is made of silicone and shaped more like the head of a cock, but I would like a more serious one. The fourth thing that I would pick is a crop. I’ve never experienced one, and I think I would like to feel it. And I guess the fifth would be a more serious flogger. We have one that is made of silicone, but I would like one made of leather. Oh, damn! only 5? sigh…:)

5. The Dating Game (Blind Date, UK version; Perfect Match, Australian version).
For fun click HERE to see the crazy fashion of the bachelorette, plus actor John Ritter is one of the bachelors.

Part I – There are 3 contestants to which you will pose your questions. Will your contestants be of your opposite sex, your same sex, or a mix?

Same sex. I would pick same sex because of my Master’s interest in having another sub. In my fantasy dating game, the contestants would also be submissive or switch and be looking to be part of a poly relationship (By this, I mean, having one Master to share.) The contestants would also have to be bisexual or bicurious.

Part II – What are 3 questions you would ask the contestants?

Question 1 – Are you bisexual or bicurious and what makes you think so?
Question 2 – Are you submissive or switch and what makes you think so? Also, if you are switch, do you lean toward submissive more or toward Dominate more and what makes you think so?
Question 3 – In a poly relationship with my Master, where would you like to fit, as topping me or equal and siding with me. If my Master were to place you as over or under me, where would you rather be and why?

Bonus: TMI Tuesday Cash Cab (several International versions) – Unsuspecting taxi passengers hail a cab and suddenly find themselves on a TV game show. While on the cab ride you must do specific acts ordered by your cab driver in order to win cash and get the full free cab ride to your destination.

The TMI Taxi has just picked you up. How much cash will you win? At which level will you stop the cab, end the ride, and be dumped at the curb?

Level 1: Flash passers-by either by lifting your shirt or mooning them – $20 (all cash prize amounts are USD)
I’m assuming that my Master is requiring me to participate, so that is a no-brainer. Show me the money!
Level 2: Dry hump another passenger in the cab with you (remember the camera is recording) – $50
Again, Show me the money!
Level 3: French kiss the cab driver for 1 minute – $75
Show me the money!
Level 4: Have sex, in the cab, with the other passenger who is a complete stranger and…
– if you are gay/lesbian the stranger is heterosexual
– if you are heterosexual the stranger is your same sex
– if you are bisexual you are just having fun *wink*

Cash prize $1000

I’m bisexual and so…yes, Show me the money! *wink*

Day 15 of 30 Days of Submission: Day 15 – Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Day 15 – Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

I definitely think that my submission has evolved and I believe that it is still evolving. Though I think that I am submissive in nature, I do have aspects of my personality and life that are not submissive fully. I believe that is because my past life demanded it. I was previously married to someone who was NOT a Dominant and had no wish to be, as he said. I, therefore, had to take on the Dominant role – I don’t mean sexually, but rather just in making life go for our family. His job required lots of travel, too, so that meant I had to step up. However, I found this to be really stressful, especially because on top of my being inherently submissive, I am also very indecisive sometimes. When I first discovered Dom/sub lifestyles, I was somewhat apprehensive but then realized that if you really can trust the other person to make the best decisions or at least to have your best interests at heart, too, then you can learn to release control.

When my Master and I first got together, my Master was smart enough to discuss lots and lots of aspects of Dom/sub control with me. He masterfully took over control of things slowly and carefully to the point where we are today. It has been a journey of ups and downs with controls ebbing and flowing between my relinquishment and his taking or giving control to me over certain aspects of life. For example, there was a period of time where he began to tell me what clothes to where. This has been a difficult one in our relationship because I have certain clothes for work and also because of weight gain and loss and then gain. I have clothes that fit currently and clothes that don’t. He saw that it was stressing me out for him to pick my clothing all the time, because of comfort and my views on how I should look at work. So, now I pick out my clothes for work and he picks them out for other times. I see that evolving over time.

Our Dom/sub relationship ebbs and flows and therefore evolves based on a lot of outside factors, such as the moving, health issues, etc.. But, I see my submission evolving constantly more and more to a deeper state of submission in my thinking, no matter whether my life shows this control more or less. I feel more submissive. That doesn’t always work in my favor, sometimes. I feel much, much worse about disappointing my Master than before. I feel I am much more in tune to his disappointment in me and it makes me feel horrible. I also want more control taken from me. I want to be more and more submissive and wish I were more successful and finding this.