Day 7 – Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?
I do both accept and expect discipline or punishments as a part of my submission. My Master has not really utilized punishment as much as I’ve expected at all. He, himself, has said that he must change that.
Most of my discipline or punishment comes from him restricting me in some way. For example, rules or chores. He does not usually punish too much currently. He has made me stand naked in the corner or he has spanked me with a plastic hanger or a belt. Or he may smack me with his hand.
Most recently I smarted off to him and he punished me severely, or what, for me, is currently severely. He made me undress and he smacked me with a belt very hard. I could not take the pain and I cried and plead with him to stop. More than the pain, though, was my heart breaking. I was very upset with myself for misbehaving and making him so angry and upset. I was a total blubbering mess and I think it will be a long time before that happens again.
All of this, however, I not only accept as part of our relationship, but I feel kind of disappointed if he does not. And then I will say to myself, “Well, I guess it is not that important. So forget that! I shouldn’t think that, though. I know he is very busy and our lives are so hectic. He is wonderfully attentive to me on a daily basis. I guess, though, I want to feel more subservient to him and so that leads to my thinking in this situation.
I can’t stand it when he gets irritated with me. I think that if he would use more discipline and as much as I hate to say it, punishment, then I think that he would be happier and I’m sure it would help me to comply with his wishes.
I hate to think that I NEED discipline and punishment. I guess that I’m just not strong-willed enough to do what I need to do on my own. I guess I need some kind of motivation to help me. I feel like a failure when I cannot succeed at behaving myself. I mean, I’m an adult, after all! sigh…