I want to be good. I really do. I can’t stand to disappoint and I really want to please. I think that makes me a good submissive to some degree. But, I still fail. I look back at some of my initial chores and rules and wonder several things.
Why did I slack? Why didn’t I find it within myself to be persistent? What made me then, just, give up? Why didn’t I talk to my Master about these things? What caused him to decided that the chore was to be eliminated? Was it my not doing it? Was it his lack of checking up on me? Was that too much for him? Did he just decided that it wasn’t worth it? Or was it lack of time and too much life getting in the way?
I want to blame it on my Master and say that it is because he doesn’t make me. But is that fair? No, I think not. I need to take responsibility for these things. Just because I am submissive, does not mean that I am brainless, nor does it mean that I am irresponsible and need someone to be responsible for me. Well, I do need someone to be responsible for me. I do need a keeper. But, I can do my part.
The question is, how do I motivate myself more? sigh…