Day 18 – Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
I definitely feel that I can share my opinion openly and honestly with my Master. And I feel that my opinion matters a great deal, not only to me, but also to my Master. I may not get my way, but he does listen.
Having to do with limits: I feel that this subject should be discussed and agreed to before getting into a true Dom/sub relationship with someone. I don’t believe that those limits should be changed unless talked to and agreed upon. Even the subject of “pushing the limits” should not cross the limit lines, unless agreed upon. In my own relationship, I believe that we have a pretty clear understanding and because my opinion matters and I know it, I trust my Master completely. I know he would NEVER do anything to break my trust. I think it is because we have been together and have been through a lot together and he has proved over and over that I can trust him.
I know that my opinion counts because his stance is this: He will always listen to my expressed opinion and wants and needs, but he will make the final decision and I must trust that he is boss, that he is right. Even if he makes mistakes, that’s ok. I have given that final say/control to him. I want him to be the boss, to have the control, and with that, the responsibility of the consequences of the decisions. It relieves me from it. I, in turn, try to help him, by giving my opinion, but also by giving him the respect of being the one in control.
Sometimes it is hard for me to do what he says when I have not yet expressed my opinion, which could very well, (as I know, anyway..lol) to be better(gasp, dare I say that) than what he has declared or told me to do. But, out of respect, my duty is to make attempts to show that I am starting to follow his direction or command. This shows both him and i that what he says as boss is the most important thing, but i can give input which he will either accept or reject. In order to give input, I must first show that I am proceeding to follow his command and then I may ask if i may say or ask something. And for me, the most important thing is not that he changes what he was going to do based on what I say, but rather that he is as informed as he needs to be and I feel proud and happy for helping. I feel proud and happy as his sub to do what he commands. It doesn’t have to be right or have to be the best or most efficient at all. For me, it is knowing he is happy that I have acquiesced. I think he might be MORE proud of me if I did what he wanted, even knowing that it was not what I thought was best, but rather what he WANTED me to do. (I’m not always successful at this, but I am a work in progress.)
Communication is the key to any relationship, but with a Dom/sub relationship it is 10 times more important! (Not that my Master thinks I am very good at it, but I still know it is important and I try.)