Day 23 – Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
When I was first learning about what submission and Dom/sub meant, there were many things that I read about that I either definitely disliked or was definitely unsure about how I felt about it. I used to not like ANYTHING that was extreme. For example, I did not like stores where subs were treated like objects or treated in an uncaring way. I did not like the idea of pony girls, extreme pain or torture, or anything nasty involving body waste or vomit. Mainly, I think I was thinking of myself, but also for the poor girl who it seemed had nobody who loved her and in fact acted like they hated her!
As time went on, though, I learned quite a lot. First of all, my Master taught me that a good Dom truly cares for his submissive. He must treat her like a treasure so that she will provide him with what he needs/wants. So, some of the stories that I read were bad examples of a good Dom. On the other hand, some stories or snippets may only show a portion of the relationship. I think there might be times that if you looked at a snippet of our relationship, you might think, how horrid! But, you can’t take a snippet out of a relationship to define the relationship. And you also need to know how the sub feels. Does she feel happy? Does she feel cared for?
I also learned that it really takes a lot of self-control to give up control. That, in itself, is major, especially if you understand that statement. I believe that only a sub can understand that completely.
Another thing I learned and am still learning is different strokes for different folks and what has really made me understand this better is the changes that I have seen in myself – my ever changing wants and needs. I used to think that I only wanted a mild submissive life. I wanted to be bossed a bit and spanked a little, but no marks, please. I have progressively seen myself wanting more and more control taken from me. I’ve grown accustomed to seeing certain kinks through the internet and gradually found some that I was totally against, to now be a turn-on! How can that be? As for pain, I have a really low tolerance for pain, but want more pain. I want marks. (gasp).
Now, I look at some things and think…hmmmm.
I still am not interested in the pony girl scene, but now instead of saying, “really?” (eye roll), now I look and think hmmmm…not interested, unless my Master is? Because I’m honestly more into what turns him on. It doesn’t repulse me and I’ve seen too much now to eye roll that. I’m sure there are many who read some of my posts and eye roll – maybe because they don’t try to see what someone might get out of it?
And I’m still not into poop play. I don’t see that changing…ever. That is what I know to be one of my “hard limits”. Pee on the other hand…it IS sterile…and…