A Second Sub – Questions answered.

I recently wrote a post about gaining a second sub. It mostly contained questions and so this post, I thought I’d answer my questions as related to my relationship.

In my own relationship of more than 9 years with my Master, I have always known that my Master wanted more than one sub. I also knew when I met him that he would guide me to the place where I was comfortable with this, because he loved me so much and wanted to keep me as his number one, always.

I also know and respect, that in our relationship, we do not hide things from one another. We all see others that we view as attractive. We can either hide that fact, or we can share it with our partners. I would rather share in this fun, rather than wonder or have it hidden behind my back. My Master says that ALL pleasure comes from me, even pleasure from other women. So, I am involved in the sexual aspects as well as giving him the women that we share, in a sense. He always makes me feel in the number one spot that he has placed me. He lets others know this too and this seals my trust in him. My Master loves variety. And guess what? I do too. It’s so fun that I can never be bored. 😉

So, to the answer the question of Why? To add to our relationship. To serve my Master in many ways.

Will sex be secretive or shared? Most definitely shared. And this is what defines this kind of a poly relationship versus others that I have read about. He doesn’t date someone separately from me. This is a shared relationship.

Will time be separate, shared, or both? In our relationship, we have talked of times shared and separate. Times when all three of us will be together, times when he and she will be together and times when she and I will be together and times when he and I will still maintain our relationship. Sex would not occur without me, however.

Are the subs bi? Yes, most definitely, because playing all three of us together would be enhanced by this, since I am bi.

Is their a hierarchy? And what does that mean? In our relationship, I am the number one submissive and always will be. This means that my and Master’s relationship is primary. However, this does not mean, in our case, that I would be over another sub. I am not Dominant at all and cannot be a switch. So, if someone came along that was a submissive switch, she would be higher than me or over me. My Master would direct her to direct me, if that was his/her wish.

Is the second sub live-in? Is the first? I am the first sub and I am a live-in, 24/7, submissive that is also married to my Master. The second sub might be either. I imagine that we would start dating and see where it led. Ultimately, my Master would like to have his second sub live-in, to be more of a permanent or long-term relationship.

Is it because of wanting a poly household? How will that work? There are many types of poly households that I’ve read about. In our relationship, it would occur as roommates/family, with my Master as head and me and the second sub as sisters/friends. At least that is the goal.

Does the first sub want this also, or is this purely a want of the Dom? I have to admit that it has taken many years for me to actually DESIRE this, rather than just want it because my Master wants it. I have seen the advantages and gotten some tastes here and there of what it might be like. I am secure in my relationship with my Master, so that it actually appears doable. I can’t say that all my jealousies and apprehensions are gone, but I see them lessen and lessen all the time. My trust grows and grows as does my excitement.

Will the sub have input into choosing the second sub? How so? We have tried several different things over the years. I remember at first, we both tried to look online and peruse the net for possible dates in the BDSM lifestyle. But, I became so frustrated and upset and stressed. Why? Because it was so hard. I’m not very flirtatious and don’t often know what to say. So, then we changed it up and my Master did the leading, by searching profiles and sites and initiating conversations. I have all the passwords to all the sites and emails that he uses and I used to obsessively try to keep up. But, actually, that became too stressful, too. And honestly, sometimes, really boring, in that I really have other things to do than to read discussions that have to do with something that I’ve already discussed with my Master the night before. So, now, I believe that we have come up with another way that might work better. My Master continues to search and look and if he finds someone promising, then he tells me that he would like me to pick up into the chat or email. Of course, previous to this, he has already mentioned that he met someone interesting and told me some details and even sent me a few pictures. I think this method seems to work the best and we will see what the future holds. 🙂

If the goal is live-in, will dating come first? Amongst who?
I do not see how you could avoid dating first. In our situation, we have met all together casually like for coffee, first. Then we see what comes next. I think that dating would have to occur for a pretty good while before you would want to have a live-in, just as you would in any romantic, live-in arrangement.

Ultimately, is the sub for the Dom’s pleasure or for the sub’s, too? In what ways? In our relationship, the pleasure for the Dom is my main concern, but my Master wants us all to be compatible. Not only that, he wishes for me to have friendship and companionship as well. Which is why, he asks my input and we talk incessantly about it, but his decision is final.

If the sub is live in, will she have her own room or will they all share? In our situation, I don’t think that we have come to a conclusion about this yet. We have talked about both the second sub having her own room and us all sharing. Mostly, we have said that we would all sleep together in one bed.

What is the plan if resentment or jealousy start forming? What is the plan to try and prevent this? The obvious answer to this is open communication. I believe that if it is made clear that my Master and my relationship is primary, then there will be no competition because that spot is already established. I think it will be the Master’s responsibility to make sure that all his subs are feeling taking care of, having their needs met, and addressing problems right away. My Master is very good at communication and though I may not be the best at it, I feel that I have improved over time and I do try my best.

How is a sub sister different or the same as a sister wife in the realm of BDSM? I think of a sister wife more when I think of Mormonism, and in those relationships, the wives share the husband, but the wives are not sexual with each other. I’ve always thought more that subs would be on more of an equal par and in our case a threesome.

Has the subject been a long term one or is the subject new? For us, this subject has been as long term as our relationship has been.

Is the Dom missing something that his current sub cannot or does not provide or is the second sub an addition for enhancement? I believe in our relationship, that the addition of a sub is for enhancement. What I cannot provide, is myself as a clone. LOL
I would love to have the friendship of another sub to share life with. On another note, I have a heart condition and so I sleep more than the average person. My Master, on the other hand, is an insomniac. I imagine that another sub might be able to provide companionship at times I cannot. (I can’t say that I’m not jealous of this aspect, but knowing that sex would not occur without me makes me able to accept this a little better.)

So, this has been a long post. I’ve covered everything that I can currently think of at the moment about adding a second sub. I’m sure that I will have to update this as I find more questions and answers. Anyone have anything else to ponder?

3 Comments

  1. I had not replied to the previous post on this issue because I was not in fact sure it was for me but rather her looking for other’s views. But I am glad to see this one. I have considerable more experience with these things than she does. Also being dominant gives me the fortune to have a more decisive attitude about some things. One thing I have seen in the past with other D/s relationships is that often men (sorry guys calling you out) tend to be too excited about additions and move too quickly. You need a strong foundation before you build. That takes time, effort and a steady consistent hand. For anyone considering any type of addition from play partners to poly relationships I highly recommend taking your time. I completely understand the pleasure of variety and how intoxicating it can be when your submissive starts to appear open to it. But the core of your relationship comes first and you have to show the restraint required of a good and successful dominant.

    The fact is every person wants to find someone, to not be alone. We all want security, support and to be lifted up by someone who honestly cares for us. So in my view ploy relationships offer the best of all possibilities if they are for honest and caring reasons and true honesty is used consistently in communication. The reality is the human heart of capable of caring for more than one person at a time and having multiple life partners offers a wide range of possibilities. It takes a village I always say about raising children. But a village offers considerable comforts beyond that. But all villages have their good points and their bad, their struggles and their strife. So the most important thing I think to remember is ANY and ALL the relationships you have in your life matter and deserve respect and attention. Make sure you have the time, the energy and the commitment to devote that to someone, everyone, before you dive in head first.

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