I want….

I want for my Master to desire me more than anything else.

I want to be made to do things or try things that I haven’t before, and may be somewhat scared or embarrassed to do so. 

I want to be dominated in public more – perhaps just given simple commands such as “come here”, or hmmmm what else?  This one would be easier if I was somewhere that no one knew me, but maybe told to do some humiliating things, like kneeling down on the ground. Or revealing my boobs. Or being pinched in the nipple in front of others. 

I want more physical punishment and torture. What kinds? Spankings that leave marks, nipple and breast torture, pussy torture, fucked more in the ass. 

I think I would like to be tied more and then punished so that I couldn’t escape. 

Fucked hard with various objects. I wonder if that would please my Master?

Being talked to kind of hateful, but not in a I hate you sort of way. No, more of a you fucking slut. You are not listening to me. Down on your knees. Take your fucking punishment!  I would know that my Master cares for me, but this kind of talk is a turn on for me because I feel humiliated and very sub and full of submission. 

Being naked and having to lay on a dirty floor. I’m a little ocd, so anything dirty makes me feel, well, dirty. And that makes me feel small and very much like submitting.

I would like to be made to submit to others under my Master’s direction.

I want to feel more subness and I want to please my Master and be a part of whatever makes his cock hard.

I wonder what else that might make my Master’s cock hard? 

30 Days of Submission: Being Little: Day 2

Describe who you might reveal your Little side to and how. Do you allow your Little side to emerge only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Do you reveal your Little side to play partners, family, friends or only in the context of a relationship?

This is a tricky question. Do I have a “little side”? Perhaps I’m not understanding the exact definition of little? Perhaps I’m not little at all? Wow. This question has me pondering. I do feel that I am way more submissive to C when not in front of some people, such as my family, but it’s not that I’m acting like a little girl as much as someone who really needs direction, praise, and so forth. Not sure at all what to think. 

Day 1: Being Little

Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

I’ve struggled with this a bit lately. I like to address my guy as my Master or Sir. He likes me to refer to him as Daddy sometimes. It took me awhile to realize the difference between slave and submissive. I used to think that a slave was a submissive that was just intense about his/her submission to one person in particular, her Master.  But the way I now understand it is different. ??? 

At first, my Master referred to me as his pet, but I did not think of myself in the manner of a pet as in a dog or cat, per se, but more of pet as in a pet name like darling or something. 

Recently, my Master said that he had been deciding that I more fit the category of a little?? In reading some things about a little, I totally see myself. I like to be taken care of and cuddled. But on the other hand, I don’t particularly care about dressing I pigtails and I’m not into coloring in a coloring book in my spare time. ( not that I would be against that, but I have no spare time! Lol) I prefer to crochet or brush my dog. Haha. 

So honestly, I have no idea where I fit. Perhaps I don’t.  😦

I think of myself as truly submissive to my Master. I like calling him Sir as in Yes Sir. But then again, he has never asked me or told me to say anything different. 

So my final answer is…..

I don’t know. 

Still in a Rut….But how do we get out of it…

Unfortunately, we have been a rut for some time.  It’s not to say that it is a deep hole or a mudslide.  Things are not horrible.  But, things are not where either of us want to be.  He says that he still wants and desires me.  He says that he wants to step up the Dom/sub, that he needs to.  But for some reason it is not happening.  I keep asking him what I need to do and he doesn’t really have anything for me to do.

I know some things that I need to do and I guess, like him, it is just hard to have the motivation.  😦  So I need to stop waiting around for him before I do some things myself.  I feel I have to.  I want to.  So, I’m going to start with a few of my own rules…for myself.  I’m sure that if he doesn’t like them, then he will tell me not to and then, of course, I will obey.  I want to obey.  I need more.  I need more of a lot of things and I need to work on making them happen for me.

I’m going to start with two steps.

Step 1 – I need to concentrate on my health.  I need to eat healthier and exercise.  (Don’t we all. lol)  I’m not really that overweight, but I do know that 20 extra pounds on me lowers my self confidence, affects my health, and makes me less desirable.  So, that is my first step.

Step 2 – I need to take more time to blog and read and explore and make online friends.  I used to want a sub sister friend, but that’s not working out.  I don’t want that anymore.  I decided that awhile back.  I will submit to whatever my Master desires, but I’m not going out on a limb with the heart to heart friendship thing.  I think I prefer to only have that as a non-romantically involved relationship.  (And even then, I have been hurt, so i may not go that route either.) Maybe making friends with the bloggers that I see their thoughts and I know they won’t just “disappear”.  That may be the best way to go.

On those steps, I’m going to think…..and now…sleep.