Unfortunately, we have been a rut for some time. It’s not to say that it is a deep hole or a mudslide. Things are not horrible. But, things are not where either of us want to be. He says that he still wants and desires me. He says that he wants to step up the Dom/sub, that he needs to. But for some reason it is not happening. I keep asking him what I need to do and he doesn’t really have anything for me to do.
I know some things that I need to do and I guess, like him, it is just hard to have the motivation. 😦 So I need to stop waiting around for him before I do some things myself. I feel I have to. I want to. So, I’m going to start with a few of my own rules…for myself. I’m sure that if he doesn’t like them, then he will tell me not to and then, of course, I will obey. I want to obey. I need more. I need more of a lot of things and I need to work on making them happen for me.
I’m going to start with two steps.
Step 1 – I need to concentrate on my health. I need to eat healthier and exercise. (Don’t we all. lol) I’m not really that overweight, but I do know that 20 extra pounds on me lowers my self confidence, affects my health, and makes me less desirable. So, that is my first step.
Step 2 – I need to take more time to blog and read and explore and make online friends. I used to want a sub sister friend, but that’s not working out. I don’t want that anymore. I decided that awhile back. I will submit to whatever my Master desires, but I’m not going out on a limb with the heart to heart friendship thing. I think I prefer to only have that as a non-romantically involved relationship. (And even then, I have been hurt, so i may not go that route either.) Maybe making friends with the bloggers that I see their thoughts and I know they won’t just “disappear”. That may be the best way to go.
On those steps, I’m going to think…..and now…sleep.