On the Road Blog Again

I’ve been away for some time. The reasons? Well, several. First, I’ve been afraid to express some of my feelings to the world for fear that my Master/Dom would not be happy or be offended etc… This is, of course, because he reads all my blog posts. He was not happy with a blog post that I posted and it just kind of turned me off of blogging. Since then, however, he has remedied this problem by simply asking him to approve the post, first. Easy enough. Then again, however, there has been issues between us. Issues that I’m not sure that he is comfortable sharing with the world. We will see. Rather than just saying, oh, well, no blogging. I have decided to jump in and go with it. If he doesn’t like what I want to post, then I will know, since he has to approve beforehand. And, I feel that I need to express myself. I do have a private blog that I share my feelings on, but not to the world. But I want feedback. I want to connect. It is so hard to connect when you are into BDSM. Another issue that I had was that my blog was attached to my fetlife account. Fetlife sucks most of the time. So, I decided to disconnect from the website. Why? Well, I might want to share something that happened on fetlife and so I don’t want to be targeted, you know? So, I’m back to blogging and eager to get back into some online friendships. Sometimes, being different is lonely, you know?

A hookup this weekend?

My Master says that someone he met online is in town and may want to hookup. 

…..anxiety…….

Where’s my wine!? Ahhhhh ok. Better now.

Not feeling very good about my body lately. Sigh. I promise. My body is a summer project. 

I’m not that much overweight, but I really need to lose 20 pounds. 

It’s also scary to hookup with someone my Master desires to fuck because duh…jealousy. Yes it can also be exciting. But THAT determination is unknown yet. 

I’ll keep y’all updated.

Still in a Rut….But how do we get out of it…

Unfortunately, we have been a rut for some time.  It’s not to say that it is a deep hole or a mudslide.  Things are not horrible.  But, things are not where either of us want to be.  He says that he still wants and desires me.  He says that he wants to step up the Dom/sub, that he needs to.  But for some reason it is not happening.  I keep asking him what I need to do and he doesn’t really have anything for me to do.

I know some things that I need to do and I guess, like him, it is just hard to have the motivation.  😦  So I need to stop waiting around for him before I do some things myself.  I feel I have to.  I want to.  So, I’m going to start with a few of my own rules…for myself.  I’m sure that if he doesn’t like them, then he will tell me not to and then, of course, I will obey.  I want to obey.  I need more.  I need more of a lot of things and I need to work on making them happen for me.

I’m going to start with two steps.

Step 1 – I need to concentrate on my health.  I need to eat healthier and exercise.  (Don’t we all. lol)  I’m not really that overweight, but I do know that 20 extra pounds on me lowers my self confidence, affects my health, and makes me less desirable.  So, that is my first step.

Step 2 – I need to take more time to blog and read and explore and make online friends.  I used to want a sub sister friend, but that’s not working out.  I don’t want that anymore.  I decided that awhile back.  I will submit to whatever my Master desires, but I’m not going out on a limb with the heart to heart friendship thing.  I think I prefer to only have that as a non-romantically involved relationship.  (And even then, I have been hurt, so i may not go that route either.) Maybe making friends with the bloggers that I see their thoughts and I know they won’t just “disappear”.  That may be the best way to go.

On those steps, I’m going to think…..and now…sleep.

Pegging

I did not know this term. Pegging is a woman fucking a guy in the ass. Ok. Got it. Have I ever done that? No, I haven’t. I actually have only worn a strap on, one time. (Does it have to be a strap on to count?) I was pretty happy on wine and we were at some friends to play and one of our friends, female, fucked me with a strap on and then I, her. It was awkward, but FUN! I would live to have more fun, girl/girl with a strap on. I’m not sure how my Master would like me fucking him in the ass with a strap on, but if he wanted me, too, it could be fun. A fantasy scenario that he “might” like – he’s fucking a woman and then I’m fucking him! Hee hee. I’ll have to see if that interests him at all. Shrug! I don’t know how he would feel about being fucked by another guy? I know he likes dominating a guy as well as a woman and I’ve seen another guy suck his cock. Mmmmmm made me jealous!