I want for my Master to desire me more than anything else.
I want to be made to do things or try things that I haven’t before, and may be somewhat scared or embarrassed to do so.
I want to be dominated in public more – perhaps just given simple commands such as “come here”, or hmmmm what else? This one would be easier if I was somewhere that no one knew me, but maybe told to do some humiliating things, like kneeling down on the ground. Or revealing my boobs. Or being pinched in the nipple in front of others.
I want more physical punishment and torture. What kinds? Spankings that leave marks, nipple and breast torture, pussy torture, fucked more in the ass.
I think I would like to be tied more and then punished so that I couldn’t escape.
Fucked hard with various objects. I wonder if that would please my Master?
Being talked to kind of hateful, but not in a I hate you sort of way. No, more of a you fucking slut. You are not listening to me. Down on your knees. Take your fucking punishment! I would know that my Master cares for me, but this kind of talk is a turn on for me because I feel humiliated and very sub and full of submission.
Being naked and having to lay on a dirty floor. I’m a little ocd, so anything dirty makes me feel, well, dirty. And that makes me feel small and very much like submitting.
I would like to be made to submit to others under my Master’s direction.
I want to feel more subness and I want to please my Master and be a part of whatever makes his cock hard.
I wonder what else that might make my Master’s cock hard?
My Master has had me to stand in the corner a few times. They were all for things that he felt I had done wrong or for arguing. I remember the first time thinking, “oh, please, this is stupid and I feel ridiculous….” eye roll.
The other two times that I recall having to stand in the corner were a little different feeling.
One time he told me to take my clothes off. I thought he was going to spank or whip me, but no, then he had me to stand in the corner. Ugh. How humiliating. I felt my face totally red. I actually began to feel bad and wished it were over.
The next time he simply told me to pull my pants down and stand in the corner. Again, I felt humiliated and felt myself going red. And I ALSO felt a little turned on. And this made me more humiliated. I think that this was one of the times when I began to see that being humiliated was a turn-on.
But, I felt weird. I felt humiliated that I felt turned on and that I was red faced about it all. This feeling made me feel extremely submissive. I wanted to crawl on the floor. Even thinking about this makes me want to do more humiliating things because, honestly, I crave submission. I need it. I don’t get enough of it.
But, alas, that is another post.
I was drinking, wanting attention, wanting to be spanked or whipped, as I posted.
My Master read the post, came in and proceeded to “pay me some attention”!
Following are copies of the conversation that he had with a friend about the experience.
Sorry that I’m just now getting back to the mysterious night. After I was teased into thinking I might be punished by being fucked by multiple guys, and then finding out it was all just a tease, my Master still had other plans that I didn’t know about.
We sat down to watch some TV and my Master suddenly texted me a number and said, ” Text Lydia and ask her for permission to suck my cock later.” I was like, “what?”
Let me explain who Lydia was. Lydia was someone that I really didn’t know. My Master had found her online and had recently started chatting it up with her. I had never talked or texted her. But, I knew that he was chatting a bit with her and he had told me a thing or two about her. This was a commonplace thing in our life. But telling me to do this task? This was not something that I had done before! I was embarrassed and reluctant. What if she cussed me out or something. Did she know about this ahead of time? I couldn’t even concentrate on the movie because I was slightly mortified. But, I did as my Master requested and texted her. She responded back with, “Yes, you have my permission”. I said, “TY” and she said “You’re welcome.”
So, later, we go to the bedroom and he tells me to get undressed and lay across his lap where he then proceeds to smack my bottom while admonishing me for disobeying him and humiliating me more by talking about how I had to ask for permission to suck his cock. He lets me suck his cock and then fuck him, all the while telling me that he should put me in the corner and force me to listen to him fuck Lydia.
That would be sooo humiliating. I feel my face getting red just thinking about it. And the thought of being humiliated, and my face being red and having no control over the situation like that, makes me feel so submissive that I feel hot and my pussy tingles a bit.
What confusing feelings!
Can anyone relate?
While I got all ready for this mysterious play date, my Master asked me, “I’ve never asked you before, but do you have a problem with black men?”. My response was, “No, of course not.” (In fact, once I had a wonderful summer with a guy from the Dominican Republic, who was very dark. He must have forgotten.) We were supposed to leave at 10pm and right before 10, my Master was like, “uh, it might be a bit later. It’s hard to coordinate with this many people. I was like, “what???” My anxiety went up a bit. He said, “You trust me, don’t you?” I said, “yes, sir, of course” and “May I please have a glass of wine?” lol
A little later my Master said, “Well, Damn, forget it. It’s not going to happen tonight.” (I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Ha!) I said, “ok, are you going to share?” He was like we were going over to Matt and Nickie’s house. Ohhhh…how funny, NOT. This was a couple that we had played with a few times before, but it had been awhile. My Master was such a tease!!! As it turned out, though, Matt and Nickie had to cancel.
But, the night was not over. My Master still intended to humiliate me. More later.
There are many words and phrases that we, as submissives, desire, yes, CRAVE, to hear. Over time, different words or phrases have made my insides cinch up and my face feel hot and I desire to serve. I love to hear, “Good Girl!”, but most recently, a new phrase has caught my submissive ear.
The phrase, “You can take it for me!” is such an intense phrase with so much to it. I have come to realize that I desire to please so much, that I want desperately to make my Master sexually pleased, in whatever way he desires. If it is in pain or degradation, then I want to do it. Sometimes, ok, a lot of the time, I am a total baby when it comes to pain. Quite a quandary, considering I like pain once I get to that certain point after buildup. And I desire pain a lot of times. Like when I’m not feeling good about myself or when I am really stressed. It really is a stress reliever. But when I hear the words, “You can take it for me!” I notice that I instantaneously become so compliant. It’s really kind of weird.
Anyone else experience this?
I am not doing anything frightful
And my red subbie butt is delightful
And I am in no hurry so
Spank me slow, spank me slow, spank me slow
Moved his fingers around just to tease me
And whispered he might want to please me
Pulling my hair as we go
Spank me hard, spank me hard, spank me hard
And when he finally ties me tight
The St. Andrew’s Cross I adorn
The flogger begins to strike
All the way home I’ll be sore
He knew that I was floating
Because I had taken quite a beating
But as long as he holds me close
Spank me slow, spank me hard, say good girl
In reading a post by wildwestangel, which was a great post, by the way, a question occurred to me.
How does one ask for punishment?
I mean, I know why. I often feel I need and want punishment. At times because I’ve done wrong and other times just because I NEED to feel used and vulnerable and dominated. But HOW? How does one ask without feeling like I’m just wanting playtime or just wanting to feel selfish for wanting to feel better. Isn’t it better for me to suffer with guilt? Not that I want to, i want to move on as wildwestangel put it. 😦