Still in a Rut….But how do we get out of it…

Unfortunately, we have been a rut for some time.  It’s not to say that it is a deep hole or a mudslide.  Things are not horrible.  But, things are not where either of us want to be.  He says that he still wants and desires me.  He says that he wants to step up the Dom/sub, that he needs to.  But for some reason it is not happening.  I keep asking him what I need to do and he doesn’t really have anything for me to do.

I know some things that I need to do and I guess, like him, it is just hard to have the motivation.  😦  So I need to stop waiting around for him before I do some things myself.  I feel I have to.  I want to.  So, I’m going to start with a few of my own rules…for myself.  I’m sure that if he doesn’t like them, then he will tell me not to and then, of course, I will obey.  I want to obey.  I need more.  I need more of a lot of things and I need to work on making them happen for me.

I’m going to start with two steps.

Step 1 – I need to concentrate on my health.  I need to eat healthier and exercise.  (Don’t we all. lol)  I’m not really that overweight, but I do know that 20 extra pounds on me lowers my self confidence, affects my health, and makes me less desirable.  So, that is my first step.

Step 2 – I need to take more time to blog and read and explore and make online friends.  I used to want a sub sister friend, but that’s not working out.  I don’t want that anymore.  I decided that awhile back.  I will submit to whatever my Master desires, but I’m not going out on a limb with the heart to heart friendship thing.  I think I prefer to only have that as a non-romantically involved relationship.  (And even then, I have been hurt, so i may not go that route either.) Maybe making friends with the bloggers that I see their thoughts and I know they won’t just “disappear”.  That may be the best way to go.

On those steps, I’m going to think…..and now…sleep.


I did not know this term. Pegging is a woman fucking a guy in the ass. Ok. Got it. Have I ever done that? No, I haven’t. I actually have only worn a strap on, one time. (Does it have to be a strap on to count?) I was pretty happy on wine and we were at some friends to play and one of our friends, female, fucked me with a strap on and then I, her. It was awkward, but FUN! I would live to have more fun, girl/girl with a strap on. I’m not sure how my Master would like me fucking him in the ass with a strap on, but if he wanted me, too, it could be fun. A fantasy scenario that he “might” like – he’s fucking a woman and then I’m fucking him! Hee hee. I’ll have to see if that interests him at all. Shrug! I don’t know how he would feel about being fucked by another guy? I know he likes dominating a guy as well as a woman and I’ve seen another guy suck his cock. Mmmmmm made me jealous! 


I would say that I am experienced in being fucked in the ass, but only by my Master. We don’t ass fuck often. I would say on occasion. 

Ass to Pussy is apparently a thing. It has names like: A2P or ATP or simply Ass-to-pussy.  Basically, it means fucking an ass and then fucking a pussy, with either a penis or a dildo/strap on. 

This, I have not experienced. And I really don’t want to because I’m worried about spreading something from ass to pussy that would bother my sensitive pussy. Maybe I’m being OCD? What do you think?

exhibit A questionnaire…

I enjoyed reading this post .  Below are MY answers to that questionnaire:

I’m 49. Female. Bisexual. 

This week my sex life is lacking some and that makes me somewhat unhappy.

Both pleasure and love mattered to me the last time we had sex.

1.2. I feel like I’m very frank about sex. At least I try to be. During sex, I don’t really say much. 

3. I don’t know if I COMPARE my sex life to others, really. Actually, it’s more like would I wouldn’t I like to do that or participate in that? Especially when I watch porn.;)

4. Yes, my desires most certainly have changed. My desires for the Bdsm lifestyle have increased as well as my desire for more intense activities. 

5. Great sex, I would define as my Master wanting me so bad that he could hardly stand it, his cock so huge and hard! My Master would force me to do several things, including forcing me to gag on his cock. We would fuck several different ways. He would eat my pussy until I came and then fuck me till we both came together. Then he would tell me how amazing it was and then we would fall asleep in each other’s arms.

6. No. I don’t think that I have to act a certain way in bed because of my gender. I feel like I act submissive because I am submissive and it feels natural to me.

7. The emotions that I associate with arousal are excitement, sometimes shame and/or embarrassment, which in turn, arouses me. Sometimes I feel anxiety.

8. I don’t really compare my life to what is on the Internet. I sometimes want to simulate what I see on the Internet because it is exciting, but I also realize that there is real life.

9. No. I do not think having better sex would make me a better person. It might make me a happier, more fulfilled person, but not better.

10. Yes. I think it is just as acceptable for women as for men to be promiscuous. 

11. No, not necessarily. I think it depends on the fantasy. Some fantasies could maybe become realities. And some might have to be adjusted a little to make them feasible, but still fulfilling.

12. Life without sex would be really difficult if you had the desire to have it.

13. I think sex is portrayed a lot in our society because society thinks about it a lot. I also think that certain aspects are imitated at too young of ages… For example elementary aged girls dressing provocatively. 

14. I think that society is definitely more accepting of different lifestyles now than ever before but we still have a ways to go.

15. Yes family attitudes to sex influence us. We grow up learning these attitudes as we go into puberty. That doesn’t mean we can’t alter it.

16. I don’t see why not. Each individual makes their own choice in that. Personally, Ian a Christian and I believe the Bible talks a lot about women being submissive to their husbands. For me, I’m really down with that

17. To keep children safe, I think homosexuality should be referred to when discussing protection. 

18. I’m not sure how I feel about prostitution. I think most prostitutes are not happy and perhaps are abused. I know there are some prostitutes for whom this is not true. It appears that in places where it is regulated and legal, the prostitutes would be in a better situation. 

Yes. I have traded sex for money. My ex husband would give me spending money for Blowjobs. 😉 

19. I believe consent is necessary. I believe in consensual no consent and for me that means that you consent to whatever is handed out, PROVIDED that it has been discussed a previous time. I also believe that at anytime one may revoke it.

20. Yes. I do think that monogamy is natural because we are jealous. If we were not a jealous species, then the answer would be no. Can you have a non monogamous relationship? Sure. It’s just more work and takes mutual consent.

21. Oh, I definitely think that the digital age has enhanced sexual pleasure, no doubt. For me, meeting new people, learning a vast amount of new things…..all for the good of better sex!!!

22. If I could change one thing about myself, I would wish that I were more sexy and more desirable. (Isn’t that everyone’s wish?)

23. I think I would simply time travel to a younger me, with my current knowledge… I think to maybe to 2000. (With the stipulation that I still meet my current husband. 🙂

24. My advice to myself would be …. Don’t settle. It’s not necessary.

25. My question to others would be – Do you feel you orgasm easily or not so easily? And MY answer to the question is no. I do not come very easily.i used to when I was younger. I used to come very fast. But my orgasms were not as intense as they are now and I didn’t used to be able to have multiple orgasms. So. I think I accidentally trained myself. Lol. Sometimes it is irritating when I want to come quickly, because I can’t.

Lion’s Pride

After reading this post  Walking the Mile by Annie, and seeing this picture, I had to post.

I love this beautiful picture. I love the way the male lion appears to “own” his pride. And doesn’t a lion always look proud of his pride. I love the way you can perceive the maleness and femaleness in this picture. At least I can see it. Maybe I’m actually seeing the Domness and the subness. 😉 (I think I just made up a new word?)

I remembered something from my teen years. I was watching a documentary about lions with my father. The documentary explained that a lioness may mate up to 50 times a day. I blurted out to my father that I wished I were a lioness!!!! Of course, I immediately turned red, giggled nervously and ran from the room. My father never said a word!!!! 

I’m Feisty for My Age

I can sooo relate to some of this!!!!!

The SisterWives

The weird thing is, you get more comfortable in yourself, even as time is giving you less reason for it. When you’re young and beautiful, you’re paranoid and miserable. I think one of the great advantages of getting older is that you let go of certain things.”

                                                                 ~Helen Mirren

Everyone has that moment, I think, where you suddenly see your reflection in another person’s eyes, and it is an unwelcome reality check.

I play bar trivia with co-workers once a week, many of them younger, and they want me on their team because I have all the obscure Sanskrit gods, Pink Floyd, and 70’s porn questions. We drink a little too much, eat fried pickles and sometimes we make up answers just to see how many people we can lead astray. A few weeks ago, one of the other girls forgot her wallet, so I paid her tab, making sure…

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Deep Voice

i was walking past two men talking at my job yesterday, on the way to the bathroom and I almost stopped dead in my tracks. I heard sex. No, not sex taking place, but rather I felt sex. No, I don’t mean I was having sex, but rather, I melted. And I grinned. Because I heard the sexiest voice, so so deep and slow. Not gruff. Just deeeeeeeep. Oh my. Glancing sideways to see this sex, I was disappointed. Definitely not my type……but ohhhh the voice!