Pain not Pleasure or Pleasure not Pain or Both Pain And Pleasure

My parents spanked me and my sisters for punishment.  It was never sexual in any way whatsoever.  One time, however, when I was 13 or so, I remember that my mother spanked me.  It was very rare that she would have spanked me at this age.  I believe that all of us, me and my siblings, were getting swatted for some reason.  She always just swatted us on the behind with a wooden spoon, over clothing.  But THIS time, after about the 3rd swat, I felt really weird. I think I was actually feeling a twinge of “turned on”.  I turned to my mother and told her to stop and I told her that she would have to punish me in other ways because I was too old to be spanked.  My mother was surprised, but never spanked me again.

When I was an adult just embarking upon kinky sex, I knew that for some reason I was totally intrigued and turned on by spankings.  I would search the internet for spanking pics, stories, and videos.  I remember, as a youngster, reading a porn magazine that belonged to my father.  It was a Pent House magazine and there was a story in there about this woman who had gone clothes shopping with either her sisters or friends.  Upon returning, her husband was very mad at her for having purchased all this clothing.  As I remember the story, he decided he wanted her to try on and show him all the clothing that she bought.  She and the other girls with her were made to model all the clothing that they bought and then they were all spanked  as punishment.  I was very turned on at a young teenager at reading this story.  I also remember, much later into adulthood, in particular, watching this video (obviously a common porn story scenario, but I didn’t know that, having watched virtually zero porn up to this point), where a young woman was ushered into an office where she was being “interviewed” for something.  The guy told her to get up on the table and he said something like, “Let’s see how much you can take.”   The girl got up on the desk and spread her legs and the guy proceeded to lightly flog her pussy.  Okay, it really, really turned me on.  I watched the video and then spread my legs and gently smacked my pussy a few times, rubbing my clit until I came!

So, when I first met my Master, I knew that I liked to be spanked.  But that was all there was to tell at that time.  My views changed with my experience.  At times, when my Master would spank me, I would get really turned on and want him to spank harder – especially if he built up slowly.  Then he began to use other implements on me besides his hand – a wooden spoon, a belt, a small flogger, a plastic hanger.  I began to find that after a little bit of pain, I would suddenly be more sensitive everywhere in my body and then want a little more to increase that sensitivity.

I also wanted my pussy spanked.  Not really directly on my clit, because I have an extremely sensitive clit – dammit.  Not enough to make me cum fast, but more than enough to turn a light smack in the wrong place (or right place) into enormous pain.  But, I began to learn that spanking or smacking my pussy lips and inner thighs and ESPECIALLY right over my vagina made me very turned on and in turn made me want to cum, badly.

I have found other pain to also be a turn on to me – face slapping, nipple pinching and breast slapping.  For me it seems to be not only the pain factor or build up of pain factor that begins to cause me pleasure, but also the submissive factor.

I don’t know how I began to want more pain.  I know that when I first became sub to my Master, I remember telling him that I didn’t want to receive marks on me at all and I only wanted slight pain.  The first time that I had marks, I was thrilled.  I had asked for marks because it was going to be awhile before I was going to see my Master again, as this was before we married, and I wanted marks to remind me of Him.  I think  the marks reminded me of the pain and the pain took the pleasure meter way up.  I also remember one of the first times that I was spanked by my Master in a very slow, methodical way.  It was very slow and very easy, but for a long period of time before increasing.  I remember as the smacks became harder, I really think I started to zone a bit.  And I really hardly felt the smacks, all of a sudden.  It startled me and I quickly came out of the zone.  But I remember thinking….Oh, WOW!  I wonder if this is what I’ve heard about…the sub space?  Anyway, I haven’t experienced that again, but I have learned to tolerate more and more pain with the wonderful prize of becoming more excited and turned on.  YAY!

Does this mean that I ALWAYS feel pain and then get turned on?  UH…NO!  There is a difference between pain for punishment and pain for torture.  Read previous post on this subject.  

When I feel vulnerable, then I feel more turned on – simply put.  Being spanked makes me feel vulnerable.  Feeling pain makes me feel vulnerable. Feeling humiliated or treated as more of an object or a little girl or someone who needs taken care of.   And this, in turn, makes me feel more turned on and more excited.  Thus I want more and more.   I also know that when my Master smacks me, or humiliates me, He gets hard.  THAT is the best of all!


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I had to write this post after reading slutlyfe’s blog post on orgasm.  I used to cum so easily when I was younger.  With my fingers, yes, but with a vibrator, almost instantaneously until I was in my 30’s.  The problem with me, (should I really say problem?) was that once I came, I came so violently that I did not want anymore stimulation on my clit.  I have a really sensitive clit.  (Too sensitive, maybe?) Anyway, around the age of 30-35, I began to try to prolong the glorious period right before orgasm.  I could make myself stay at almost a peak for a really long time!!!  It drives me wild to do so.  I become like a different person I think.  And my Master always has made me feel that orgasm is not the goal, but instead to stay at that point for as long as possible.  The result is also a bonus of a mind blowing, head tossing, sometimes crying and emotional release.  Whenever we play, (and when I say play, I mean if we go outside just me and my Master), I do feel pressured to cum, it always seems that others want that goal, and I, too, admittedly have that goal with others.  I want to see them cum and be pleasured by me.  So, I have said that i have cum, when asked, even though I have not.  My Master knows this and respects that I do this, because he realizes that I want to make others happy and not feel bad.  An additional bonus to my prolonging my orgasm as a technique is that I have been able to have multiple orgasms with a vibrator.  I can go hours and have many orgasms….By that I mean 10 or more and that is really big, mind blowing, screaming orgasms.  I can also have very small quick orgasms that cum and go so quickly that I want to immediately have another.  I do find a different kind of orgasm when cumming via clit, vagina and anally.  To me they feel totally different.  All wonderful!!!