Corner Time

My Master has had me to stand in the corner a few times. They were all for things that he felt I had done wrong or for arguing. I remember the first time thinking, “oh, please, this is stupid and I feel ridiculous….” eye roll.

The other two times that I recall having to stand in the corner were a little different feeling.

One time he told me to take my clothes off. I thought he was going to spank or whip me, but no, then he had me to stand in the corner. Ugh. How humiliating. I felt my face totally red. I actually began to feel bad and wished it were over.

The next time he simply told me to pull my pants down and stand in the corner. Again, I felt humiliated and felt myself going red. And I ALSO felt a little turned on. And this made me more humiliated. I think that this was one of the times when I began to see that being humiliated was a turn-on.

But, I felt weird. I felt humiliated that I felt turned on and that I was red faced about it all. This feeling made me feel extremely submissive. I wanted to crawl on the floor. Even thinking about this makes me want to do more humiliating things because, honestly, I crave submission. I need it. I don’t get enough of it.

But, alas, that is another post.

On Another Note…

I would love to be whipped with a belt or perhaps a hanger (more quiet?) I need a release. It’s so hard for submissives, I think, to ask for this, but sometimes it gets to the point where it is like….fuck, who cares? I NEED to feel submissive right the fuck now! I actually like that fact about me now. The fact that I can ACTUALLY ask for something that I need? For a submissive, that is ENORMOUS. A Dominant is EXPECTED to ask for what he/she wants. EXPECTED to expect it, too. But, a submissive? Applause is needed here. It is hard, for us to ask for what we need, by way of brattiness, subtle hints, or outright, “Please, put me in my place!?”

Questions for Dommes and Submissives reblogged from Exposed Loving

Exposed Loving asks the following questions of Dommes and Submissives.  I do not have a Domme, but rather a Dom.  I am bisexual, though, and have had my share of fantasies involving an imaginary Domme.  heehee.  Nevertheless, the questions are something I should like to answer.

I am definitely NOT a switch.  I’m definitely a submissive and, in fact, in a room of other subs, I would feel most comfortable as the bottom of the totem pole, or at least equal with the bottom of the totem pole.  I don’t like to top another at all.  I feel very uncomfortable at the thought.  Serving, though?  That I feel comfortable with and like, seek, yearn for.

1. What is it that you get out of the power exchange? How does it satisfy you?

I very much crave being told what to do.  First of all, I have trouble over small decisions.  Big decisions, especially, of my beliefs, I feel very strong about and have no problem stating them.  It’s the little things that I often have trouble with.  Or big decisions that I really don’t care one way or another about.  I feel I can be happy in so many many situations, especially with my Master, therefore, I don’t care about making the decision.  I don’t like control often because I don’t want the responsibility of making the wrong choice.  Often I don’t like the control because honestly, I’d rather please.  It’s like food.  Order for me because I like to eat everything and it makes me feel taken care of when you order for me.  Also, I love structure and routine made out for me.  I am most productive with this in place, less so if I am the one putting the structure in place.  Not that I don’t sometimes want to do my own thing, don’t we all.  But the result is not as good.  I also get a kinky, sexual thrill when I’m ordered to do something.  And when I’m praised for following the order.  I think by being ordered to do something, the responsibility is not mine and if it is something that I might be embarrassed to do or want to, but feel silly, or awkward, then I feel better when ordered, because I “have to”.

2. Do you understand your needs and desires to be different when you are playing than your counter part? How different? Why different?

Oh, yes.  I do.  And not just in playing, because even if it is in a small way at the time, we are 24/7.  My Master needs to be in charge.  He feels good when things go his way.  He is perfectly accepting of responsibility if things go wrong.  I don’t want to be in charge and then if things go wrong, I can graciously reassure him that it is ok if he made a mistake.  Honestly, I think I am more gracious about it.  On the other hand, he probably won’t think so.  And also, on the other hand, he is absolutely so forgiving of me when I make a mistake, particularly if it is not something that I was “in charge” of, which is not often.  I like it that way.  I feel more safe.  I believe that he feels more safe if he is the one in charge.  Another way we are different is that he has a kink to make me feel some pain, to make me feel some humiliation, to make me cry at times.  (Weirdly enough, he cannot stand it when I cry at other times, such as when someone else has hurt my feelings.  Or if we get in discussion and I cry.)  I think if he is in “charge” of the crying, then he is aroused by it.  I feel so many things when I feel pain, or humiliation or cry.  The pain and crying is a huge release.  I never would have understood that, really, until I experienced it for myself.  I think it is harder for some people, like me, to let go at times.  I have so much going on in my head all the time.  Life is so complicated, you know.  The humiliation for me, is a more recent turn on.  I honestly don’t know why it is a turn on.  I would have previously never, ever thought I would be into it.  But, I actually get turned on.  (I’m not talking about serious humiliation.  At least not at this point, anyway.  For example, I don’t think I would be comfortable being told I was a dirty fat pig when I cheated on my diet.  On the other hand, If I was given a lecture about it, then I would feel bad and lectures from my Master sometimes turn me on.  (A change over the years. lol) I would be turned on and also shamed if I were told that I had to pull down my pants and stand in the corner for something.  Being exposed is somewhat humiliating for me, embarrassing. I’m trying to think of some other examples of humiliation that might be a turn-on for me.  I guess that is another post.  😉   I also like being taken care of, kind of like a pet, not that I play a pet part, usually, but a pet, like my little lap dog, is cared for and petted and cherished, and adored.  I think my Master likes having the companionship of his pet, the service that his pet gives him.  (Not that my dog really does anything like laundry for me, but…LOL).  He likes controlling when the sex is, where the sex is, who the sex is with, all down to what movies we watch.  It makes him feel good.  I guess because he takes such good care of me and listens to my input, when I give it. (even if he doesn’t follow it, being listened to means a lot), then all that, in turn, makes ME feel good, too.  Win/win.

3. As a Domme do you wish to feel what the sub feels i.e. subspace, the pleasure of the pain? As a sub do you long to feel what your Domme feels i.e. the power and control? What about as a switch?

As a sub, I do NOT long to feel what my Dom feels.  I do not WANT the power and control.  Maybe since I had to be in control of so much during my life before him – I was the oldest child, I wore the pants in my first marriage, much as I detested it.  And I am somewhat in control at work with two assistants.  That is enough for me!  Now that I’ve tasted submission, I wish I didn’t work so i could just be a home submissive.  And I really love my job, too.  Go figure. And no, don’t ever want to be a switch, either.

4. Can you explain in your own words, why you are a Domme or why you are a submissive? Why you are a switch?

I think that basically I’ve already said this, but I am submissive because I have difficulty with being in control basically.  I have difficulty making decisions.  I mean I can give you a 2 page report on the pros and cons of each decision, but then, please, tell me the final answer so that I don’t have to feel the anxiety or burden of responsibility for the consequences.  In addition, I am somewhat shy, therefore, there are things that without urging (read ordered), I will probably never do or experience, even if I really want to.  Thus, help from my Master is so welcoming.

Opposites really do attract.  Opposites fit.  Opposites are really two halves of a whole.

Master Being Mysterious Turns into Humiliation for me

Sorry that I’m just now getting back to the mysterious night. After I was teased into thinking I might be punished by being fucked by multiple guys, and then finding out it was all just a tease, my Master still had other plans that I didn’t know about.

We sat down to watch some TV and my Master suddenly texted me a number and said, ” Text Lydia and ask her for permission to suck my cock later.” I was like, “what?”

Let me explain who Lydia was. Lydia was someone that I really didn’t know. My Master had found her online and had recently started chatting it up with her. I had never talked or texted her. But, I knew that he was chatting a bit with her and he had told me a thing or two about her. This was a commonplace thing in our life. But telling me to do this task? This was not something that I had done before! I was embarrassed and reluctant. What if she cussed me out or something. Did she know about this ahead of time? I couldn’t even concentrate on the movie because I was slightly mortified. But, I did as my Master requested and texted her. She responded back with, “Yes, you have my permission”. I said, “TY” and she said “You’re welcome.”

So, later, we go to the bedroom and he tells me to get undressed and lay across his lap where he then proceeds to smack my bottom while admonishing me for disobeying him and humiliating me more by talking about how I had to ask for permission to suck his cock. He lets me suck his cock and then fuck him, all the while telling me that he should put me in the corner and force me to listen to him fuck Lydia.

That would be sooo humiliating. I feel my face getting red just thinking about it. And the thought of being humiliated, and my face being red and having no control over the situation like that, makes me feel so submissive that I feel hot and my pussy tingles a bit.

What confusing feelings!

Can anyone relate?

12 Days of BDSM Christmas to my Master!!!!!

I am soooo excited that I have finally finished my 12 days of BDSM Christmas for Master! I had been trying to think of something to give him for Christmas that didn’t cost that much or that cost nothing because we are very short of money this holiday and even had to cancel our traveling plans because of some unexpected expenses. Ahhh, but that is life! So, to make it a wonderful holiday, anyway, I needed to think of something to add to my commitment to make the holiday special despite the recent change in plans. We will be home together for nearly 2 weeks. I have vacation and he works from home. So…..

I wanted to come up with 12 Love Coupons! I looked around on the internet, but mostly what I found was “printable” coupons. I didn’t want those. First off, we don’t have a printer handy. And second of all, we have a son, though he is an adult, I still prefer to keep our sex lives semi-private. Therefore, I didn’t want stray coupons hanging around, especially with specific BDSM activities on them!!

Lo and behold, I came across an awesome iphone app:
It’s called Love Voucher Coupon Designer
You can find it here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/love-voucher-coupons-designer/id604689293?mt=8
Or you can look in the app store for the name. It’s free, but to add sexy designs, the cost is $1.99.

I almost forgot one of the cool things about this app!!!!  So, you send the “coupon” as a pic, in an email, or as I did, to my Master’s messages on his phone.  He can then “redeem” the coupons by bringing up the coupon from his pics and then I can go to the scan portion of the app on my phone and scan the coupon.  On my app, it will show that the coupon was redeemed by showing a heart.  🙂  So cool!!!!

I have to say, that it is really cool! Ready to view my 12 Days of BDSM Christmas to my Master? Here we go!!!

Thank-you WildWestAngel for your post – Small Talk

Please read the following post:

http://wildwestangel.wordpress.com/2014/11/23/small-talk/

Wildwestangel, Thank-you for your post!  I had to address this with a post of my own,  because so much of it sounds EXACTLY like me.  In fact, my Master and I have had recent discussions about my need for friendship.  Ugh!

Coincidentally, I am also a strong professional woman.  I’m not all that assertive, but I do have two assistants, so I am definitely an order giver to an extent, when at work, but have to change that mode when I get home.

You mentioned that you called one of your subbie friends.  Well, I don’t have any subbie friends.  I’ve craved having a friend that I could talk openly with about my life.  My Master has encouraged to me to get online and search around and that is some of the reason that I started this blog long ago.  I don’t have really close vanilla friends, either.  I keep telling my Master that I really don’t have time for friends.  And it is true.  I’m not a good friend.  L  I want to be.  But I fail.

Opportunities arise all the time from other vanilla women, mostly work or old friends – Let’s get together.  Let’s talk on the phone.  Wait, talk on the phone? I hate to talk on the phone.  I know.  I’m not normal   I don’t have time for that!  Especially if we are not going to talk about BDSM at all.   !  I am so happy that texting is considered ok etiquette now because that is the way I prefer to talk- quickly, to the point, and if I don’t text back for awhile it is because I got busy and I’ll get back to you when I can, ok?

Maybe it is because it is hard to have an honest, true, sharing relationship with someone who is vanilla, because you are NOT sharing SO much.  I mean, my BDSM is a huge part, the driving part, of my life.  How can I feel like sharing about the mundane things when I REALLY want to talk about the BDSM aspect.   I enjoy WordPress and other blogs, because even though I have not developed any subbie friends as of yet, I still feel that I connect when I’m able to read and relate to other’s posts.  So, thank-you, Wildwestangel!  J

How to Feel Submissive Day to Day

A post, I recently read, hit home with some of my recent thoughts, so I thought I’d share them.

Living a 24/7 Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship is not ALL about being spanked and serving. Life really does have to occur in tandem. How do you make it all work? How do you continue real life, real family, real jobs, but yet still have a real D/s 24/7 relationship? Do you turn off your submissive or Domness until you have time for a longy in private in the bedroom?

Actually, some people do just that. They may have a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” on the side whom they “play” with every other weekend. And on these weekends, they do it ALL. They have a way to get away from the rest of the world and fulfill the need of being Dom and sub in a total way. And when the weekend or night is over, they go back to their regular lives. Maybe they text and call each other so as to keep the momentum, but then LIVE for the time when they can get back together. …. Been there, done that.

But what about for those who live it 24/7? AND live together 24/7? And by the way, they are different.

Living together and living 24/7 as Dom/sub or as Master/slave is a careful mix of the mundane and the mind-blowing. But, how does it REALLY work? Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, it should be a “work-in-progress”. If it really is, then learning how to mix the two will become easier and easier. I feel this to be soo true in my relationship with my Master. We have been together a long time. We became Dom/sub before our real life 24/7 living together (as husband and wife) and now have been married for more than 8 years. The D/s, though 24/7 ebbs and flows. But as the years go by, we grow closer and become more and more engrained in the D/s life and learn more and more how to make it work.

What does it mean to “make it work”? It simply means that both parties are on the same page, want the same thing, and are working to be more and more happy and satisfied. How do you do that? How does it happen? How do you “make it work”, then?

The number one things is communication. I know, I know. You always hear that. You know what? I USED to think that I was an awesome communicator. I knew all the tips and tricks and rules of how to be a good communicator. (“I hear you saying that…”) But when I married my Master, I quickly learned that I was, in fact, NOT a good communicator. SIGH….And I’m not saying that he was the best, either, but we won’t go there. Over the years, we have become better and better at communicating. It really is impressive. How did we do it? Well, really, not by reading books and going to lectures. But, instead, just by sheer talk. LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of it. We actually spend an enormous amount of time together. Really, it would make you sick. LOL And then there was the six months where we literally were commuting for literally hours a day and we, yes, you guessed it, TALKED.

One of our common subject topics was how to better our D/s relationship. We talked about what we wished we had and tried to find ways to work toward that. That is why I am often posting new and updated rules. We are trying new things or have gotten sidetracked and we are getting back on track again. Although I have not posted very much the last little bit, our relationship is on the fast track – hot and heavy and we are both loving it! It’s awesome!

We still have the mundane problems of life to deal with on a daily basis – like jobs, family, housekeeping, pets, cars, bills and so forth. The key is how to work in the mindblowing so that the mundane is not more than 50% of your day. 😉

For me, as the submissive, I need and crave feeling submissive. I need a constant stream of those things coming at me to make me feel submissive and so we work to make sure that I feel it. In return, I think that my Master feels more Dominant and thus also, more fulfilled.

How does it work in our life?…..hmmmm….let’s see. I recently read a post where a submissive was describing her weekly activities and how it portrayed her submissiveness. I also have my list – as follows:

-Each morning I arise before my Master and shower and shave.
-I then make his espresso in a special pot just the way he likes it in one of his special cups. I pour it into the cup very, very slowly so it cools some and then I add milk.
-Before I serve him the espresso, I suck and lick his cock until he tells me to give him his coffee.
-I serve it to him with handle turned the correct way.
-I pick my own clothing for work. He picks all my clothing for other than work. (I sleep naked.)
-Everyday, I ask which perfume I should wear. I have several perfumes and he changes daily.
-During the day, I text him and we have specific rules of when I am to text him.
-I must ask before going anywhere. Usually, he drives me to and from.
-I must ask for anything I desire. If granted, he buys. He controls all money. He does all shopping.
-I also serve him coffee after naps or any other time that he requests.
-If he finds a girl attractive, or chats with any other girls he lets me know.
-He tells me if he makes himself cum, while talking to someone else. Often, I’m at home and I suck his cock or fuck him as he talks to other girls. (This is a kink for both of us.)
-We have a girlfriend and we both text her and call her often and she comes to spend time with us, too.
-I say, yes Sir and no Sir in private and now are branching out a bit to saying it more often and not necessarily just in private.
-I get in trouble if I disobey.
-I’m SUPPOSED to ask before bathroom, shower, computer, book, etc. I do sometimes forget to ask before I go to the bathroom, because I have to pee a lot! LOL no that’s not a good excuse.
-I’m SUPPOSED to keep the calendar up to date.
-I’m SUPPOSED to lay out work clothes the night before and let him know when i have.
-I’m SUPPOSED to go to bed by 10pm on worknights and start getting ready at 9pm.
-I’m SUPPOSED to send him a pic of some kind each day. It can be me naked or someone else naked or just a normal pic if I’m not feeling it. To please him, though, I always try to send him something to turn him on.
-I’m SUPPOSED to go to the gym 5 days per week unless I ask first.
-I’m SUPPOSED to keep the bathroom clean – except the toilet.
-Of course, I also do as I’m told sexually at all times. And this is often during the week and sometimes more than once a day. 🙂

Okay, so I’m not perfect, but as you can see, we have a lot going on daily to try and keep me feeling submissive. It’s definitely more mind-blowing for me, than mundane!

Living D/s 24/7 vs. Living D/s 24/7 and Living Together

Do you practice D/s? Do you practice it 24/7? Do you live together and practice D/s 24/7?

Practicing D/s – These are the people who are intrigued by Shades of Grey. These people date people who are also into D/s and they “play” on their dates. How often? Many times I hear of a D/s relationship where they may get together once a month or even less. Been there. Done that. (I, however, couldn’t wait for more!)

Practicing D/s 24/7 – I see this taking 2 major forms. One is as the phrase dictates, but not necessarily living together. For example, if a Dom requires his sub to perform rules and duties outside of the date, continually 24/7, then I would consider it a 24/7 relationship. Been there. Done that. (I, however, couldn’t wait for more!)

Living together and living D/s 24/7 – This is where the Dom and sub live together, married or not, but live together 24/7, have real lives that must be intertwined together and yet, still strive for the 24/7 Dom/sub relationship. I’m there! Doing that! (But it is harder than it seems.)

Watersports

I thought watersports was just using urine for play. But I read somewhere that it is ANY bodily fluids? I’m sure when you hear “golden showers” that they must be talking about urine, but other body fluids like saliva and blood?

My Master has urinated on me a few times. It felt very humiliating. I’ve come to realize that I like some humiliation because it makes me feel very small and for some reason, that turns me on. And if I know that my Master likes it, I REALLY want it. I’m not sure that I could drink urine though. I think I would throw up. I think if my Master wanted to, then I would definitely be game for more watersports. (Especially since he lets me shower afterwards.) After all, I AM a dirty slut sometimes.

As for blood? I don’t think I would want to play with blood at all. On the other hand, if I were to be whipped enough to where I bled just a little, I would be ok with that. I’d rather not have lasting scars though.

As for saliva? I don’t think that I’m into “Playing” with saliva. I mean while your kissing or sucking cock, there definitely is some saliva, but it doesn’t turn me on or anything. I try not to drool too much when I suck cock. I don’t think it is very pretty. I’ve seen before on porn videos where the girl literally spits on a cock or pussy. Ugh…I don’t think that is very pretty either. I can suck cock and get it wet just fine without having to actually “spit”. One time we were playing with another couple and the girl started to finger me and she spit on her fingers. My eyes flew open and I looked at my Master and mouthed, “She spit!!!”. No one else saw me and I don’t think my Master really was paying too much attention to me mouthing those words. He was interested in watching something else! haha!

Alphabet Challenge

I was reading a post from KINKANDPOLY about an alphabet challenge. I thought it might be exciting to ask my Master to do something similar.

How about this for an alphabet challenge:
Post a sexy picture representing each letter of the alphabet in some way. (For me, I’m thinking indoor pics unlike the one above which was outdoors.) What do you all think? 😉