Pain in BDSM

My Master gave me this topic PAIN to blog about, particularly in light of some statements that I made recently after a rather harsh punishment from him.

I’ve blogged on the topic of pain versus pleasure a bit:

The following post tells a little of how I got to the point where I realized that I liked pain.
Pain not pleasure or pleasure not pain or both

And this post defines the definition between TORTURE and PUNISHMENT.
Punishment vs. Torture

In our BDSM relationship, my Master has used some pain with me. It has become more and more intense throughout our relationship. When we first met, I remember my limits as being that I wanted to be spanked, but wanted no marks. Gradually, I began to feel differently. I credit that completely to my Master’s influence. Now I actually feel that he is somewhat of a sadist and I, a masochist. (He enjoys inflicting pain for his pleasure and I enjoy receiving pain for my pleasure or for his.)

How did he do this? Many many subtle ways. So subtle that it was hard to see that it was his influence and not just completely my evolvement. One thing we used to do quite often, was to sit at night on our bed with a computer between us (and each wearing headphones, because we had teenagers in the house) and he would select porn clips and we would watch them. And then he would ask me, “How do you feel about this clip?” “What do you like and don’t like?” I would answer honestly, often asking questions. I know that I would often respond with “That looks scary.” But, reading and watching really did change how I thought and gradual introduction into some of these things got me very excited and gradually changed my views and wants and needs. My Master would also show me how hard his cock was getting while spanking me and the fact that allowing him to spank me was not only exciting but getting him hard was a huge turn-on. Being submissive, I want to make him hard. And as I’ve been conditioned to think, making my Master hard and making him cum are my two number one objectives as his submissive. See how it works?

Another aspect that influenced my wanting more pain was being marked. After my first desire to get marks, which I discussed about in the links above, I began to get excited and actually want marks. I think that I am actually hard to mark and so that also feeds into me wanting more intense torture.

Again, read my post above for the difference between TORTURE and PUNISHMENT. There are two main aspects to the differences between the two.

First of all, TORTURE is for the pleasure of my Master. I also feel pleasure, either in pleasing him, or physically enhancing my own excitement, or both. My Master achieves this by a rather slow build up of the pain he is inflicting. He may start with very mild spanks and build up very slowly. With this kind of a build up, I can take so, so much more pain and it builds up huge excitement and desire for me. In addition to the physical factor, there is the mindset. Knowing ahead of time that I am to please my Master and this is for his pleasure sets me in the mind-frame for pleasing him and I may also find pleasure and this is exciting and full of desire.

PUNISHMENT, on the other hand, is to atone for a wrong and is not meant for pleasure. My Master usually achieves this by both rapid and direct infliction of pain and by expressing verbally his unhappiness with my behavior. I respond immediately by becoming very upset. I do not like to displease my Master. As time has gone on, this has become much more intense for me. He does not have any happy build-up, oh no! And sometimes his punishments are quite harsh to me. In another words, no pleasure here. I hurt and want it to stop.

Recently, my Master responded to a very nasty and horrible behaving sub, …me. 😦 He grabbed me and literally ripped some of my clothing and whipped me horribly with a belt. I was crying and I felt horrible. This was because I knew that I had done wrong. I was so upset with myself at being so horrible and saying such a nasty thing to him. And he was EXTREMELY mad. I had no time to prepare for the intense pain and it hurt! This last punishment was also different in that he did not let up very quickly at all. I think in the past he has been swift with some punishment and inflicted a bit of pain on me, but not to the extent and length that this past punishment was endured. (And honestly, I am such a baby for pain. Those who know me would never ever believe that I was into pain for any pleasure!) After the punishment, I started thinking that I didn’t think I was into pain anymore. Basically, I think it was a jump to the fact that I most CERTAINLY did not want to experience any punishment like that again. So I actually told my Master that I didn’t think I was into pain anymore. Of course, soon – a week or two, maybe, I had already changed my mind.

Things had already become right with the world and I knew that this last punishment had indeed made a very big impression on me. I hate to say this, because it makes me feel like a child, but the consequence, I feel, will greatly hinder me from saying anything nasty – at least for a long, long time.

I had actually forgotten that I had even said that I didn’t think that I was into pain anymore, but I’m sure my Master had not. We had already begun to make some changes in our life to increase my submission since settling down from the move, somewhat, and one of things he wished to implement was more TORTURE for his pleasure. I, of course, was happy to oblige. The night occurred about a week or so ago. My Master had me to undress and started to spank me and then use the belt on my ass. He was very, VERY slowly starting a buildup. I was not apprehensive at all, because I was into the moment of wanting him to fuck me and wanting to please me. I think he must have had a test in mind, because he didn’t fuck me right away. Instead he continued on and on. Finally starting to gently smack my pussy with the belt. I was already sooo turned on and this was driving me completely wild. I was trying to spread my legs farther and trying to tilt my pussy by arching my back more, so as to give him better access for smacking my pussy with the belt. I wanted MORE pain. But, as this was TORTURE, not PUNISHMENT, then it was being perceived COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

So, in conclusion, yes, yes I am into pain by way of TORTURE. How much? This, I am not sure of. I have only been spanked by hand, wooden spoon, belt, and a silicon flogger and I don’t think that these things have been administered with too much force in my experiences with TORTURE by my Master. The future is still a mystery to unwrap! 🙂

101 KINKY QUESTIONS ANSWERED ABOUT ME!

Not sure where I got these 101 questions…

1. Have you ever slept naked?

YES, BUT ODDLY ENOUGH, I PREFER NOT.  LOL .  I USUALLY SLEEP IN A TANK AND PAJAMA BOTTOMS OR SWEATS.

2. Have you ever masturbated?

WEIRD QUESTION BECAUSE HONESTLY I CAN’T IMAGINE ANYONE THAT HASN’T?  I OFTEN MASTURBATE IN THE SHOWER, BUT NOT AS MUCH LATELY.

3. What’s your bra size, or dick length?

34C

4. Where was your first time?

MY FIRST TIME WAS WITH A BOYFRIEND AT ANOTHER FRIEND’S HOUSE.  I DON’T THINK HE WAS ABLE TO GET ALL THE WAY IN ME.  THE NEXT TIME WE MADE OUT IT WAS IN HIS CAR AND HE FINGERED ME SO HARD THAT I BLED…A LOT.  THE NEXT TIME WE HAD SEX HE WAS ABLE TO GET IN ME ALL THE WAY.  I THINK THAT IS BECAUSE IT WAS IN THE CAR THAT I “LOST MY CHERRY” SO TO SPEAK.  WHY DO THEY SAY THAT ANYWAY?

5. Have you ever gotten sexual with anything that wasn’t a person?

OF COURSE….UH BY MYSELF – VIBRATOR AND WEIRDLY ENOUGH – CELERY!  LOL  

6. Have you ever shown anyone your body parts and asked advice?

MY MASTER.  

8 . Do you prefer doing it in the dark or in the light?

I ACTUALLY PREFER FUCKING IN LOW LOW LIGHT BUT NOT DARK.

9. What’s your greatest fantasy?

MY GREATEST FANTASIES  JUST ENTAIL BEING DOMINATED BY MY MASTER.  HAVING HIM GET COMPLETE SATISFACTION FROM ME IN WHATEVER WAY HE WANTS…BY CAUSING ME PHYSICAL PAIN, SERVICING HIM OR WHOMEVER HE CHOOSES AND WITH WHOMEVER HE CHOOSES.  MY MASTER DOING TO ME AS HE WISHES AND ME KNOWING IT IS BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM HAPPY.  BEING TOLD I’M A GOOD GIRL!

10. Would you suck on anyone’s toes?

THE THOUGHT DOES NOT TURN ME ON IN THE LEAST, BUT OF COURSE IF MY MASTER TOLD ME TO, I WOULD.

11. Where do you think would be the weirdest place to have sex?

WEIRDEST?  HMMM…THERE ARE A LOT OF INAPPROPRIATE PLACES TO HAVE SEX, SUCH AS A CHURCH.

12. Would you have sex there? 

I WOULD PREFER NOT.

13. How old were you the first time?

EIGHTEEN FOR INTERCOURSE

14. Would you ever have lesbian or gay sex?

YES, I HAVE PLAYED WITH A FEW WOMEN AND I ENJOY IT.

15. What do you think the sexiest fruit is?

I THINK PEACHES, BECAUSE THEY ARE SO JUICY!

16. Would you ever have an orgy with the same-sex?

THAT COULD BE FUN.  I’VE BEEN TOLD THAT I CAN EAT PUSSY WELL.

17. What and who turns you on?

MY MASTER TURNS ME ON BIG TIME BY DOMINATING ME IN ALL KINDS OF WAY.  JUST COMMANDING ME MAKES ME HOT.  WHEN HE TREATS ME HARSHLY, IT ALSO TURNS ME ON.  

WHEN THE OTHER PERSON GETS TURNED ON, THEN I GET REALLY HOT.  BEING WANTED IS THE BEST APHRODISIAC OF ALL!

18. Have your hands ever been down anyone’s pants?

WHY YES, YES THEY HAVE.  I LOVE TO REACH INSIDE MY MASTER’S PANTS AND GRAB A HOLD OF HIS HARD COCK.  HE DOESN’T WEAR UNDERWEAR.

19. What superstar would you have sex with?

No one, really. Celebs don’t really do it for me.

20. Have you or anyone else ever stuck anything down your pants?

I’VE HAD ICE PUT DOWN MY PANTS.  NOT SEXY…JUST COLD!

21. Have you ever had a dream about being gay or lesbian?

OCCASIONALLY

22. Are you gay or lesbian?

I DON’T CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE, PERHAPS BI

24. Have you ever made a guy get hard?

MANY TIMES!  ISN’T IT FUN!

25. Have you ever counted your pubic hairs?

I SHAVE….ALL OF IT.

26. Would you rather be cute or sexy?

I’D RATHER BE SEXY, BUT THINK I’M DOOMED TO BE ONLY CUTE.  I GUESS DOOMED WILL ACTUALLY OCCUR WHEN I’M TOO OLD TO BE CUTE.  HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF SOMEONE OLD AND CUTE?

27. How many people would you have sex with at once?

AS MANY AS MY MASTER SAYS, OF COURSE.  I’VE HAD SEX A FEW TIMES WITH MY MASTER AND ANOTHER COUPLE, ALL TOGETHER.  IT IS A LOT OF FUN.

28. Have you ever put on a strip show?

I’M ACTUALLY A LITTLE SHY, SO NO.  

29. Have you ever seen a strip show?

NO, UNLESS TV COUNTS.

30. Have you ever seen any of your friends naked?

NOT MY CURRENT FRIENDS, BUT THROUGH THE YEARS, YES.

31. What’s your kinky fetish?

MY KINKS INCLUDE BASICALLY BEING DOMINATED.  AND SPANKED.

32. Have you ever had a fantasy about a teacher?

YES.  I USED TO FANTASIZE ABOUT THIS ONE PROFESSOR.  I USED TO FANTASIZE GOING TO HIS OFFICE AND HE WOULD FONDLE ME, MAKE ME TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF AND THEN FUCK ME.  

33. Have you ever had an orgasm?

YES.  I TAKE AWHILE TO CUM USUALLY, BUT WHEN I DO, I HAVE HUGE ORGASMS. LOVE IT!  I USUALLY SCREAM!

34. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

YES.  ONCE MY SISTER AND A FEW GIRLFRIENDS WENT TO A NEIGHBOR’S POOL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, GOT NAKED AND SWAM IN THIER POOL.

35. Have you ever played with a condom?

NO, I WOULDN’T SAY THAT I HAVE PLAYED WITH A CONDOM.  BEEN FUCKED WITH A CONDOM? MANY TIMES!

36. If you could be a spice what would it be?

GINSENG

37. Would you use objects in sex such as whips, hand cuffs, etc.?

OH, YES!

38. Have you ever tried on a condom?

HAHA!  UH HOW? SINCE I’M WITHOUT A PENIS, THAT WOULD BE DIFFICULT.

39. Have you ever playfully spanked your lover?

I PREFER TO BE THE ONE SPANKED.

40. If someone says “spank me” do you do it and get turned on?

WHEN I READ ABOUT GETTING SPANKED, IT TURNS ME ON AND MAKES ME WANT TO BE SPANKED!

41. Have you ever worn your underwear two days in a row?

NO.I WOULD GO COMMANDO

42. Have you ever seen anyone’s dick?

YES.  AND FUCKED.  AND SUCKED.  AND MADE CUM.

44. Have you ever took a piss standing up or squatting in the woods?

YEP

45. What was the weirdest place you have ever done something with someone?

THE ROOF OF MY BOYFRIEND’S HOUSE.

46. What was the weirdest thing you have ever done to your b/f or g/f?

HMMM….HONESTLY CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING WEIRD.  MAYBE WHEN I WAS A LITTLE DRUNK AND A LOT HORNY AND I BEGGED MY MASTER TO SMACK MY PUSSY BEFORE GETTING OFF.

47. What was the lamest thing your b/f or g/f did for you or to you?

ONCE I WAS IN A BATHING SUIT IN SUMMER AND ASKED TO PLEASE LET ME GIVE MY EX A BLOWJOB, HE SAID NO.  

48 . Have you ever wondered what position you would have sex in?

I DON’T HAVE TO WONDER, SINCE I DO HAVE SEX.  I LIKE ALL POSITIONS AND DOGGY STYLE IS MY FAVORITE , THOUGH I HAVE NEVER CUM IN THAT POSITION.  NEXT WOULD BE TIED WITH MISSIONARY ME ON BOTTOM AND ME ON TOP.  

49. Have you ever used a vibrator on yourself or somebody else?

BOTH AND I LIKE IT.  I ESPECIALLY LIKE THE VIBRATOR BECAUSE I CUM SO GOOD AND WANT TO CUM MULTIPLE TIMES.  THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT I WANT TO GO ON AND ON FOR LITERALLY HOURS, SO, I TRY NOT TO USE A VIBE ALL THE TIME.

52. Would you ever have sex in the ocean?

I WOULD LOVE TO.

53. Have you ever gotten sand up you? 

NO, BUT DON’T THINK I WOULD MIND.  I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO HAVE SEX ON THE BEACH.

54. Have you ever run or walked around your house nude?

ON OCCASION, BUT ONLY IF THERE ARE NO KIDS OR INLAWS AROUND AND WINDOWS ARE COVERED.  OR DID YOU MEAN WALKING LITERALLY AROUND …..UH NO.

55. What do you wear to bed?

USUALLY TANK AND PAJAMA BOTTOM PANTS AND SOCKS.

56. Have you ever done anything with someone in your parents bed?

NOT MY OWN PARENTS BED, BUT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAD SLEPT A FEW NIGHTS IN HIS PARENTS BED WHILE THEY WERE OUT OF TOWN AND I ACCIDENTALLY LEFT MY EARRINGS ON THE HEADBOARD.  OOPS!

57. Would you ever consider rubbing hot oil or cream all over your guy or girl?

SURE, BUT MY MASTER DOESN’T LIKE FRESH LOTION OR OIL ON MY, SO I HIGHLY DOUBT HE WOULD GO FOR THAT.  I HAVE RUBBED SEX OIL ON HIS COCK THOUGH.  MMMM….

59. Have you ever used lubricant?

YES.  I LOVE THE WARMING KIND.

61. Have you ever fingered yourself, got fingered before or fingered someone else?

YES, YES, AND YES

64. Have you ever given or received a hand job or blow job?

GIVEN HAND JOBS AND BLOW JOBS AND I’M TOLD I’M VERY GOOD.

66. Have you ever tasted cum or female juice?

YES, AND YES.

68. What does the number “69″ mean to you?

GIVING EACH OTHER ORAL AT THE SAME TIME!

70. How old were you when you got your first real kiss? 

I THINK ABOUT 11.

72. Have you ever done anything with anyone in a pool, hot tub, or bath tub?

PLAYED AROUND AND FONDLED A LOT IN A HOT TUB.  HAD SEX IN A BATH TUB.  I’VE ENJOYED GIVING A BATH TO MY MASTER IN A BATHTUB.

74. Have you ever tied up or hand cuffed anybody?

I’VE BEEN BOTH TIED AND CUFFED BY MY MASTER.

77. Were you a witness to someone having sex?

OH, YES.  I’VE HAD SAME ROOM SEX WITH A FEW COUPLES AS WELL AS WATCHED MY MASTER FUCK ANOTHER WHILE I WAS FUCKED.

80. Would you ever have phone sex?

I HAVE. YES.  ITS FUN UNTIL YOU HAVE IT 24/7.

81. Do you go by the rhythm of music?

I ENJOY SEX WITH BACKGROUND MUSIC.

84. Would you ever have sex with your best friend or someone you don’t even know?

MY MASTER IS MY BEST FRIEND, SO YES.  AND YES TO THE LAST PART, TOO, AS LONG AS MY MASTER TOLD ME TO.

85. Do you find physical pain like spanking an element of good sex?

IT IS A BIG TURN ON FOR ME.

86. Do you find older women or men attractive?

YES, YES, I DO.

87. Would you rather have sex with or without a condom? 

NO DOUBT. WITHOUT.  BUT, MY MASTER WOULD NEVER ALLOW THAT IF WE WERE PLAYING OUTSIDE OF US.

88. Who was the person you kissed that was the best?

MY MASTER.

89. If you had a half an hour to spend with your b/f or g/f what would you do?

GENERALLY, I WOULD GO FOR WHATEVER MY MASTER WANTED.  

90. If you only had 20 minutes left to live what would you do?

SAY MY LAST GOODBYES.

91. Which would you rather make out:A) On a stage in front of a lot of people you know? B) With your parents in the room?C) In front of an ex?

I WOULDN’T LIKE ANY OF THOSE, BUT IF I HAD TO CHOOSE, IT WOULD BE C.  ONLY BECAUSE IT SEEMS THE LESSER OF THE 3 EVILS.

95. What color is your hair (pubic)?

IF I HAD ANY, IT WOULD BE DARK BROWN.  BUT, I SHAVE.

98. Your love life is like which of these movies:

A) Something about Mary
B) Chasing Amy
C) My Girl 2
D) When Harry Met Sally
E) Fatal Attraction
F) Rated X (not for young viewers)

DEFINITELY RATED X.

99. Have you ever lost the keys to the cuffs or got stuck together?

NO

101. Would you do anyone on your blogroll? 

ONLY IF MY MASTER TOLD ME TO.  (NOT SURE I KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT ANY OF THEM YET.)

If, Ands, and Butts

1. If you had a magic beauty wand, what would you give yourself?

a. Shinier hair, hands down.
b. Glowing, soft skin–pass the moisturizer dude.
c. Brighter eyes, with no crows feet—I want to look less tired.
d. Nada. I love what I’ve got.

2. If you were spring cleaning your life what five things would you throw out?

I would throw out

  • 30 pounds of weight
  • my need for naps
  • hangups from the past that still insist upon lingering
  • my occasional smartassness
  • my consistent indecision

3. If money were no object, what kind of house would you buy?

A very large, new sailboat – a live aboard – docked in a marina with all the amenities!

4. Have you ever visited an erotic massage parlor AND had a “happy ending”?

Never visited one.

Bonus: Using the handy chart, what is your butt type, spanked or not?  I think I am more cottage cheese, but with a bigger butt, while my Master says hot tamale.  awwww…Spanked I would have to say usually results in a pattern like biased, maybe sometimes pattycake.

(click to enlarge)

Spankification: Types of Spanked Butts by Dioneo Daspanca, 2011

Spankification: Author of original types of butts poster unknown.
Types of Spanked Butts by Dioneo Daspanca, 2011

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link totmituesdayblog from your website!

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

When I first started delving into the BDSM lifestyle – via the internet, I only knew one aspect of the lifestyle that I liked.  It was SPANKING!  And, at that time, I was only interested in light or moderate spanking that left no marks.  As time into the lifestyle and time with my Master progressed, I began to develop interests in bondage and more tortuous spankings and whippings.  I still don’t want to be severely hurt, but a little experience has shown me that it can really heighten so much.  I also began to relish ‘marks’ and then began to really crave them.  I also really started craving the power exchange of the Dom/sub and as I experienced some of it, I wanted/craved more.  I also used to have absolutely no desire to ‘play’ with others.  That has changed and with a little experience, I began to enjoy a lot of play experiences with others.  There is more kinks that have sparked my interest as time has gone on and I it makes the kink lifestyle so enticing because there is so much to explore and once you start accepting something as your kink, it really frees you up to the possibility that you are free to explore any of a number of kinks….or all!