My Master has had me to stand in the corner a few times. They were all for things that he felt I had done wrong or for arguing. I remember the first time thinking, “oh, please, this is stupid and I feel ridiculous….” eye roll.
The other two times that I recall having to stand in the corner were a little different feeling.
One time he told me to take my clothes off. I thought he was going to spank or whip me, but no, then he had me to stand in the corner. Ugh. How humiliating. I felt my face totally red. I actually began to feel bad and wished it were over.
The next time he simply told me to pull my pants down and stand in the corner. Again, I felt humiliated and felt myself going red. And I ALSO felt a little turned on. And this made me more humiliated. I think that this was one of the times when I began to see that being humiliated was a turn-on.
But, I felt weird. I felt humiliated that I felt turned on and that I was red faced about it all. This feeling made me feel extremely submissive. I wanted to crawl on the floor. Even thinking about this makes me want to do more humiliating things because, honestly, I crave submission. I need it. I don’t get enough of it.
But, alas, that is another post.
While I got all ready for this mysterious play date, my Master asked me, “I’ve never asked you before, but do you have a problem with black men?”. My response was, “No, of course not.” (In fact, once I had a wonderful summer with a guy from the Dominican Republic, who was very dark. He must have forgotten.) We were supposed to leave at 10pm and right before 10, my Master was like, “uh, it might be a bit later. It’s hard to coordinate with this many people. I was like, “what???” My anxiety went up a bit. He said, “You trust me, don’t you?” I said, “yes, sir, of course” and “May I please have a glass of wine?” lol
A little later my Master said, “Well, Damn, forget it. It’s not going to happen tonight.” (I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Ha!) I said, “ok, are you going to share?” He was like we were going over to Matt and Nickie’s house. Ohhhh…how funny, NOT. This was a couple that we had played with a few times before, but it had been awhile. My Master was such a tease!!! As it turned out, though, Matt and Nickie had to cancel.
But, the night was not over. My Master still intended to humiliate me. More later.
My last post on this subject said that I was going to post the answer on tomorrow after I had thought about it. Needless to say, I continued to think about it. I’ve also been busy and not taken the time to write because I was sick with a bad cold for a week and then spent a week trying to catch up at work. But, my Master reminded me that I had better get busy with the posts, and my other chores, because the week is sliding by.
The pros and cons of sharing my Master. Where to start on this post? First background information. I have always known that my Master would love to have 2 or maybe 3 submissives. We talked about it way at the beginning of our getting to know each other phase. I remember telling him that I didn’t know if I could handle that – not being the ONLY one. He told me that he would never add someone until I was ready. Well, I thought, I will NEVER be ready, so I guess I don’t need to worry about that! As time progressed, I always knew that some of my Master’s great fantasies included other women. Before I met my Master, I had never had any kind of sexual experience with another woman. And then, gradually, gradually, over the time we have been together, I guess he (My Master) has really slowly put his plan into action. He’s so good, you know, that I never really saw it coming. But all that is another, or several other posts.
I think I will use the initials of PLAYING WITH OTHERS to help me discuss the PROS of this issue. I’m sure that I could think of a million things, both pro and con, but I’m going to go with this, I think.
PRO P – Being submissive, I really, really want to PLEASE my Master. Since I know that he wants to have other pussy, other than my own, then sharing my Master would definitely be a way to please him. It is quite amazing to myself to realize that I really and truly grow deeper into submission all the time, which shows itself to me in different ways, but one most significant is that I want to please him more and more as time goes by. He makes me want to, I think.
PRO L – I LOVE my Master and I know that he LOVES me. Because of this, I know that he would never do anything to break my trust in him. He promised long ago to take care of his precious treasure and so far he has kept his word and been the most awesome of all Masters, not to mention most awesome guy of all!
PRO A – APPEAL – There really is an appeal to this for me, too. I love sex, what can I say. And my Master says that he doesn’t want other sex without me. So if I can be involved, in some way, in all sex, even with another? Then it’s win/win for me, right?
PRO Y – YOURS – I’m his. enough said.
PRO I – INCREASED self-confidence with my abilities. When I please my Master, my self-confidence improves. When I submit to sex with another man or woman, per my Master, if I do a good job, as in I give an awesome blowjob, or eat some pussy to make some other girl happy, then my own self-confidence improves! After meeting up with another couple to have sex, and they want to meet again, I know that part of it is because my Master is really good, but also, I know that I have appeal, too. That’s especially nice when I hear compliments from the other couple to tell me that I have done a good job.
PRO N – NEW – new things are often fun and exciting!
PRO G – GOING OUT – Getting dressed up to go out and play is like going on a date with someone new as well as with your best friend! I love to get dressed up and go out. And I’m not talking about dressing up in BDSM gear, although, that sounds like it would be fun! I’m just talking about the anticipation of going out on a Friday or Saturday night, dressing up and looking good, or trying to look good. It’s a lot of fun!
PRO W – WIN/WIN – If I get to have fun, and at the same time, so does my Master, then it really is a win/win!
PRO I – INCREASED SELF-CONFIDENCE with my appearance. When I’m told by my Master that I am desirable, it is soo incredibly awesome. It is definitely multiplied when someone else confirms it. It makes me feel really good, when someone that I sucked off, tells my husband that it is the BEST blowjob that they’ve ever had! WOW! That really is a confidence booster! And if they talk about remembering their hands in my soft hair? Well, you KNOW that makes me want to go buy conditioner rather than the 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner? Right??
PRO T – Man, if you can trust your guy to have sex with another woman and STILL want you the best? Then, really, REALLY you must have TRUST.
PRO H – HANGUPS – honestly, some hangups go out the window. Like how, for example? Well, I’m, shall we say, not in my 20’s. And if a 20 year old wants to fuck me, then I’m suddenly a MILF! That hangup? ….out the window!
PRO O – OTHERS?- actually, there can be a lot of fun in others… as I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing, due to my Master!
PRO T – TAKEN – Doesn’t that word just make you wet? Well, it does me. I love the thought of being MADE to submit. But, only because I have such trust in my Master. It’s taken me awhile to see what others meant when they said that. I mostly didn’t believe it. Time changes things, however.
PRO E – EXCITING – It really is exciting to go out with someone new. Remember the feeling? If you are in a stable relationship and have been for awhile, then you know remember how exciting it can be to date. It also is a drag to go home and wonder and wonder about where you stand and what the future holds. But if you already have that stability and yet can still have exciting times together with new experiences…it is simply awesome!
PRO R – REAL LIFE – After going out for a kinky night of fun, you then have to get to real life – back to job, maybe kids, your same old, same old. But if you can reminisce in your real life about how much fun you had, what you did and didn’t like about your last date with others, it can be enhancing! I say that because, my Master and I have had some awesome sex AFTER we came back from dates!
PRO S – SEX – And really, how can I resist that…especially if I must!
And now, the CONS, which are basically FEARS:
CON P – Fear of PHYSICAL PAIN – Being into BDSM and knowing there is a broad range of SM, I fear getting hurt. Not to get me wrong, I do like some pain. More than I used to think that I did. But I also don’t want to be seriously hurt, nor damaged. And I have an extremely sensitive clit, so direct stimulation can be painful. This is a real fear, if you are restrained. HOWEVER, my Master has done a very good job of protecting me when I’ve been with others (which has really not been that many experiences). He is very good at talking and getting into specifics before we play and to date we have played with more who were not into BDSM and none who were actually into s&m. For to me to submit to sex with others is me being dominated by him, so this kink can be satisfied without having for me to being submitted to another master or mistress.
CON L – LOSING love, affection, time together – another fear – that I might lose my Master’s love or affection to another. Again, he has stated that he doesn’t want sex without me, but I still have that fear.
CON A – AFFECTION for another – basically jealousy. Seeing my Master show affection to another can have conflicting emotions. On the one hand, I am often happy to see him show affection to someone because I know that it makes them feel good, just like I like it when I receive affection from someone else. But, still, the pangs of jealousy attack. And I’m also aware that this is a plus for my Master because he likes to see me a little jealous.
CON Y – YEARS from now – how will that play out? I fear this future because I am in my late 40’s now and age is not pretty. Men usually are able to “have” younger counterparts because it is socially and culturally acceptable. Older men are seen as distinguished and good looking when bald and/or gray. I myself am attracted to all kinds, including bald and gray. The funny thing is – my Master is SEVERAL years younger than me. Someday, it will be quite a bit more noticeable than it is now. Look at Hugh Heffner, the playboy mansion owner and mogul. Not only is he still considered sexy, but he has tons and tons of young girlfriends and has continued to marry over the years! There is no female counterpart in the business of sex.
CON I – ILLNESS – I am totally not interested in getting a transmittable disease or virus. ugh…enough said. That is the advantage of playing with couples, I think.
CON N – NEAR OR FAR – Sometimes we have gone to play with others quite some distance away. This is safer as far as the likelihood of meeting a coworker or something. Because I AM in the closet about my kinks. But driving far away to meet up with others is a pain, no doubt.
CON G – GAG – ok, so I have a gag reflex. I have been told that I give awesome blowjobs. I like that. I fear I may come upon more or less a rival that might not have a gag reflex and again, jealousy! Sometimes, I think that being able to give awesome head is a plus for me even if I feel bad about myself for other reasons. I really don’t want that taken away, but inevitably, playing with others will lend itself to eventually meeting someone with great ability also, or maybe even better.
CON W – WAKING to find something to make me jealous. So far in our play, we have only played for an evening. We have not spent the night anywhere. I know my Master has talked about getting a sub to live in. One that would be a girlfriend for me and a girlfriend for him, so to speak. I don’t know how that would EVER work out, because honestly I can’t see somebody wanting a place like that, but I guess there must be out there somewhere. But, in any case, we have often discussed, because I have asked, how certain things would work in his envisioning. We have discussed how a live-in sub would work – kind of like a roommate. I’ve asked about sleeping arrangements. He has talked about having a sub on each side of him. We used to have a king-sized bed, so that might have worked, I guess, but then I’ve often wondered how I would feel if I woke to see the two of them caressing or having sex? Or waking to see the two of them asleep, but with arms around each other or something else exclusionary. I know my Master tries to alleviate my fears, but jealousy is there.
CON I – INDIFFERENCE – Another fear. What if my Master started to see me with indifference? Or what if the other sub saw me indifferently? jealousy.
CON T – TEASING – My Master likes to tease me. It is true. However, sometimes teasing can be unknowingly hurtful or just to the right of jealousy.
CON H – HUMILIATE – I know that my Master actually enjoys some humiliation of me. And I also know that he refrains because he does not want to hurt me. I can appreciate this venue of domination. I’m afraid, as jealousy once again rears it’s ugly head, that humiliation might become more prominent and perhaps might even come from another sub geared toward me. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I might even enjoy it, because of the vulnerability factor, the smallness feeling factor. But, I also know that my Master thinks of me as his treasure, so I know that he loves me despite a humiliating scene. I’m not sure about another sub. Or what if the other sub started receiving what I thought should be for me?
CON O – ORGASMS – You would think that this would be in the pro section. Here is the thing. I take a very long time to reach orgasm. On the one hand, it makes for awesome orgasms. On the other hand, I’m jealous of those that reach it so easily, even if it only appears to be a small orgasm. What if in playing with others, I see that happening and become extremely jealous. I guess in this particular instance, I am thinking of a long-term second sub, because when we play with others, I do not usually come, even though I enjoy myself. I do love to see others come. I just don’t know how I would feel if there was a live in sub who was constantly “outdoing” me, so to speak.
CON T – TEMPER – I often get on my Master’s nerves. I don’t like it when I make him lose his temper. He is never violent or anything. It just makes me feel so bad. I worry that all my insecurities will wear on him and then he might be likely to lose his temper.
CON H – HEARING – One time, when we were playing with others, I kept hearing my Master talking about how awesome this woman was that he was fucking. I did have a good time, but felt uneasy and very, very jealous. Come to find out, later, that he was actually talking about me, but I didn’t know. It was one of the first times that we played with another couple and we were all together on one bed and when he said “look at that ass!” and things like that, I thought he was talking about her. I tried to be happy about that, but I was so freaking jealous! He said that he had said a lot of stuff like that to try and show me that he was including me in his sex and even was touching me a lot, but I was not even aware of his touch.
CON E – EXCITEMENT without me. Again, the jealousy issue. I get jealous when even hearing about my Master talking or texting with another. To his credit, he has reassured me that he is just trying to make the other person feel good, as he should.
CON R – RIVAL – I worry about anyone becoming a rival for my Master’s attentions. Sharing is not the same as someone wanting it ALL, so to speak. I, do want it ALL, but am not willing to share it ALL with someone else. I fear that someday, someone will come along, perhaps thinking that they want to be a second sub, but then decide they want it ALL. And what if, at that time, my Master agrees.
CON S – SEX without me. I know, jealousy – the root of most fears!
Well, that wraps it up…my pros and cons of sharing my Master or playing with others. I kind of sense that Sharing my Master might entail more of a second sub aspect, whereas, playing with others, might be more of a play type thing. I tried to cover both aspects. Any thoughts out there?
a. makes me curious
b. is titillating and sexually arousing
c. that leaves me screaming and/or crying because that’s the way I like it
The fact that my Master wants to inflict pain on me is very sexually arousing to me. I think that it is because I know that it arouses him! I want to be screaming, squealing and crying not because I like the pain, but rather because first of all, I really, really want to please my Master and I really, really want my body to please him. I want to be the thing that gets my Master off…however that is..truly! I have also learned that pain heightens everything for me…including arousal in myself.
2. Do you like being forced to dress or act in a way that is humiliating? If yes, please describe. If no, why not?
Read above. I really want my body to be used however my Master wants. If you really want to please someone or to have your body be the vehicle that is the arousal source, then you will feel privileged to be made to dress or act in any fashion. I think this only works if you truly know that you are pleasing or getting your partner aroused. It only makes sense to me that someone who craves control will want to CONTROL his partner in a variety of fashions…perhaps whatever whim may come…perhaps he may only be trying out things to see what he thinks…or perhaps he knows what excites him and wants it. Making someone to dress at command or to dress provocatively or to dress younger such as school girl outfits can magnify this power or control, I think. I also think that talking demeaning can also be used as a power thing, too. Humiliating someone by making them do things that they don’t really want to do, is also a power thing. If you trust your partner and want to submit, then doing these things will make one feel more submissive, less powerful, more controlled, and more aroused indeed!
3. Do you like seeing bruises, scars, or marks that were caused during sex on either you or your partner? What kind of marks?
When I first got into BDSM, I only knew the spanking aspect and had only begun to gain knowledge of things like caning and whipping. At that time I was adamant that I did not want severe pain and absolutely no marks left, especially no bleeding! But, as time has passed, my curiosity has increased ten-fold. As I’ve experienced different kinds of spankings, I have wanted more and more and for it not to end when I’m actually being spanked! Then when I first received bruises, I was like on a thrill every time I went to the bathroom and looked at my behind in the mirror. Yep! I was hooked! I remember one time when I was going to visit family, I asked my Master to please mark me up so that I could have marks on me to ‘remind’ me of him during the visit…even though he was going with me I knew there would not be too much kinkyness! And, now, I wish that I could receive marks all the time!!! I read where some Master’s want their subs to take more and more and so I’ve tried at times to resolve myself to take more the next time my Master chooses to spank or whip me with the little flogger, but I don’t usually last long or he stops probably fearing that I am not being able to take it. Then again, I guess I should discuss this with him because maybe that is not an interest of his at all to make me take more and more? I’ll let you know on that aspect. Anyway, because of more and more exposure I have wanted to experience some different things – more pain and maybe even more severe that might cause me to bleed a little bit. I know that my Master is not into that at all as we’ve discussed it before. I do know that as far as humiliation he would like to humiliate me more than he does, but he is afraid of hurting me. I have tried to reassure him, but really don’t know what else to do? Any suggestions? I would like to humiliated to the point of crying because I think that would make me feel so so vulnerable and even as I started into the BDSM lifestyle, I knew that that is the ONE things above all that really gets me off….that is feeling vulnerable…feeling that I have to endure something…whether pain, chores, humiliation by someone being ‘mean’ to me, or making me do things, …okay…getting hot at this post…let’s ahem move on..
4. Would you like to be forced to do sexual things that you don’t necessarily like to do? Yes or No.
Yes, especially by Master or under the direction of my Master. First of all, because it makes me feel vulnerable…see above. Second, because my Master has this way of making me feel so small and so controlled and so captivated and I truly want to do anything to please and the ‘wanting to do anything’ is such a turn on me. It makes me feel so desired and wanted and sexy and if I’m being praised then ooo…yea..it’s good…even if it is hard to do.
5. Do you want to be forced to watch your lover with someone else? Yes, No or It depends.
It depends. It depends on whether I feel that my Master still considers me number 1 and if I am still involved somehow. This is something that my Master and I have talked at length about. I believe we are on the same page with this subject.
6. What dirty (sometimes inappropriate) things do you like to say to your sexual partner?
I rarely say anything dirty unless my Master makes me. Which, by the way, he often does. He likes to make me say that I am his slut and so forth. I like and I don’t like it. First of all, it is embarrassing, and so I don’t like to do it, but on the other hand, after I’ve said it and he says, ‘good girl’, then I feel good about myself and want to keep being a good girl.
Bonus: Finish this statement: I like being powerful in bed because __________ . Actually, I don’t like to be powerful in bed at all.
Hmmmm….wow..there are sooo many that I’m interested in but have never yet tried. I would love to be branded…like actually branded with a branding iron. I know it would hurt like hell and I would hate that. I’m sure I would scream and cry and pout for days, maybe weeks. But I would love it! I like the idea of being caged (as long as I can stretch out and not be cramped in pain). I’ve never been suspended or on any kind of rack, and think it is terribly scary, but would like to try if my Master wanted it. Basically, anything that my Master would like to try with me, I am very VERY interested in doing for him. I also know that there are a million things in the realm of humiliation that I’ve not experienced that I’m sure my Master wants to do and though I don’t like being humiliated, I like being humiliated. I know that’s hard to explain and understand, but I know that there are a lot of subs who know exactly what I mean and many people that can explain more eloquently what I mean.
24/7 (Total Power Exchange), Anal Sex, Asphyxiaphilia (Breath Play), Biting, Blindfolds, Bondage, Branding (Permanent marks), Breast/Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc., Candle Wax, Collar and Lead/Leash, Confinement/Caging, Depilation/Shaving, Dildos (Handheld & Strap-ons), Discipline, Exhibitionism/Sex In Public, Fire Play, Hair Pulling, Handcuffs/Shackles, Humiliation, Master/Slave, Mutual Masturbation, Nipples, Oral Sex, Pain, Pantyhose/Stockings, Piercings, Pinching, Power Exchange, Role Playing, Sadism, Spanking/Paddling, Talking Dirty, The Rack/Medieval Devices, Urolagnia (Water Sports/Urine), Voyeurism
Anyone care to comment?