How to Feel Submissive Day to Day

A post, I recently read, hit home with some of my recent thoughts, so I thought I’d share them.

Living a 24/7 Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship is not ALL about being spanked and serving. Life really does have to occur in tandem. How do you make it all work? How do you continue real life, real family, real jobs, but yet still have a real D/s 24/7 relationship? Do you turn off your submissive or Domness until you have time for a longy in private in the bedroom?

Actually, some people do just that. They may have a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” on the side whom they “play” with every other weekend. And on these weekends, they do it ALL. They have a way to get away from the rest of the world and fulfill the need of being Dom and sub in a total way. And when the weekend or night is over, they go back to their regular lives. Maybe they text and call each other so as to keep the momentum, but then LIVE for the time when they can get back together. …. Been there, done that.

But what about for those who live it 24/7? AND live together 24/7? And by the way, they are different.

Living together and living 24/7 as Dom/sub or as Master/slave is a careful mix of the mundane and the mind-blowing. But, how does it REALLY work? Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, it should be a “work-in-progress”. If it really is, then learning how to mix the two will become easier and easier. I feel this to be soo true in my relationship with my Master. We have been together a long time. We became Dom/sub before our real life 24/7 living together (as husband and wife) and now have been married for more than 8 years. The D/s, though 24/7 ebbs and flows. But as the years go by, we grow closer and become more and more engrained in the D/s life and learn more and more how to make it work.

What does it mean to “make it work”? It simply means that both parties are on the same page, want the same thing, and are working to be more and more happy and satisfied. How do you do that? How does it happen? How do you “make it work”, then?

The number one things is communication. I know, I know. You always hear that. You know what? I USED to think that I was an awesome communicator. I knew all the tips and tricks and rules of how to be a good communicator. (“I hear you saying that…”) But when I married my Master, I quickly learned that I was, in fact, NOT a good communicator. SIGH….And I’m not saying that he was the best, either, but we won’t go there. Over the years, we have become better and better at communicating. It really is impressive. How did we do it? Well, really, not by reading books and going to lectures. But, instead, just by sheer talk. LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of it. We actually spend an enormous amount of time together. Really, it would make you sick. LOL And then there was the six months where we literally were commuting for literally hours a day and we, yes, you guessed it, TALKED.

One of our common subject topics was how to better our D/s relationship. We talked about what we wished we had and tried to find ways to work toward that. That is why I am often posting new and updated rules. We are trying new things or have gotten sidetracked and we are getting back on track again. Although I have not posted very much the last little bit, our relationship is on the fast track – hot and heavy and we are both loving it! It’s awesome!

We still have the mundane problems of life to deal with on a daily basis – like jobs, family, housekeeping, pets, cars, bills and so forth. The key is how to work in the mindblowing so that the mundane is not more than 50% of your day. πŸ˜‰

For me, as the submissive, I need and crave feeling submissive. I need a constant stream of those things coming at me to make me feel submissive and so we work to make sure that I feel it. In return, I think that my Master feels more Dominant and thus also, more fulfilled.

How does it work in our life?…..hmmmm….let’s see. I recently read a post where a submissive was describing her weekly activities and how it portrayed her submissiveness. I also have my list – as follows:

-Each morning I arise before my Master and shower and shave.
-I then make his espresso in a special pot just the way he likes it in one of his special cups. I pour it into the cup very, very slowly so it cools some and then I add milk.
-Before I serve him the espresso, I suck and lick his cock until he tells me to give him his coffee.
-I serve it to him with handle turned the correct way.
-I pick my own clothing for work. He picks all my clothing for other than work. (I sleep naked.)
-Everyday, I ask which perfume I should wear. I have several perfumes and he changes daily.
-During the day, I text him and we have specific rules of when I am to text him.
-I must ask before going anywhere. Usually, he drives me to and from.
-I must ask for anything I desire. If granted, he buys. He controls all money. He does all shopping.
-I also serve him coffee after naps or any other time that he requests.
-If he finds a girl attractive, or chats with any other girls he lets me know.
-He tells me if he makes himself cum, while talking to someone else. Often, I’m at home and I suck his cock or fuck him as he talks to other girls. (This is a kink for both of us.)
-We have a girlfriend and we both text her and call her often and she comes to spend time with us, too.
-I say, yes Sir and no Sir in private and now are branching out a bit to saying it more often and not necessarily just in private.
-I get in trouble if I disobey.
-I’m SUPPOSED to ask before bathroom, shower, computer, book, etc. I do sometimes forget to ask before I go to the bathroom, because I have to pee a lot! LOL no that’s not a good excuse.
-I’m SUPPOSED to keep the calendar up to date.
-I’m SUPPOSED to lay out work clothes the night before and let him know when i have.
-I’m SUPPOSED to go to bed by 10pm on worknights and start getting ready at 9pm.
-I’m SUPPOSED to send him a pic of some kind each day. It can be me naked or someone else naked or just a normal pic if I’m not feeling it. To please him, though, I always try to send him something to turn him on.
-I’m SUPPOSED to go to the gym 5 days per week unless I ask first.
-I’m SUPPOSED to keep the bathroom clean – except the toilet.
-Of course, I also do as I’m told sexually at all times. And this is often during the week and sometimes more than once a day. πŸ™‚

Okay, so I’m not perfect, but as you can see, we have a lot going on daily to try and keep me feeling submissive. It’s definitely more mind-blowing for me, than mundane!

Why is it so hard to perform my chores?

I want to be good. I really do. I can’t stand to disappoint and I really want to please. I think that makes me a good submissive to some degree. But, I still fail. I look back at some of my initial chores and rules and wonder several things.

Why did I slack? Why didn’t I find it within myself to be persistent? What made me then, just, give up? Why didn’t I talk to my Master about these things? What caused him to decided that the chore was to be eliminated? Was it my not doing it? Was it his lack of checking up on me? Was that too much for him? Did he just decided that it wasn’t worth it? Or was it lack of time and too much life getting in the way?

I want to blame it on my Master and say that it is because he doesn’t make me. But is that fair? No, I think not. I need to take responsibility for these things. Just because I am submissive, does not mean that I am brainless, nor does it mean that I am irresponsible and need someone to be responsible for me. Well, I do need someone to be responsible for me. I do need a keeper. But, I can do my part.

The question is, how do I motivate myself more? sigh…

February 2014 – New Rules/Chores

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, our focus on BDSM has slackened over the past while, but we’ve talked extensively about how we really both want to get back into focus. (Even with the slack, our Dom/sub relationship never goes away. I still do certain things such as ask permission for most things and serve him coffee in bed each morning and after naps. And in the bedroom, our sex usually contains some sort of BDSM play even if it is nothing more than following orders.) So, this past week resulted in a new short list of chores for me to focus on. Here they are:

1. Physical Appearance – My Master wants me to focus on making myself as physically appealing to him as I can.

(I always do this, anyway, I feel, but with the renewed attention to the directive, I do feel like I should put more focus into it. I had started going to the gym and then we moved. I have a really long commute now, so not sure if I can get into that right now, or not. But that doesn’t mean I can’t watch my diet more. I will! Another things is my nails. My Master likes it when I have long nails. But, I cut them off about 2 1/2 years ago because it was such a hassle. I also cannot, to save my life, paint polish without making a complete mess. And going to a professional is expensive. I have decided to compromise by starting to let my nails grow and wear only clear polish. I will ask him to determine if/when I should start having my nails done again, professionally. I am also trying to wear more makeup on my off days. He tells me that I look beautiful without makeup, but you know how it is!)

2. Blog daily.

3. Do first, then ask. My Master wants me to show in some way that I am moving into the direction he has stated before as he puts it, arguing, or as I put, giving info/input. This will be hard for me, but I can do it.

4. Inspections. This entails me standing before him naked and turning as he looks me over.

Okay, so 4. I’m ready for more, please! πŸ™‚

Edited: I must add that there are many, many rules/chores that I do, by habit, since we have been together for many years. I wanted to add them here:

I make espresso with cream and serve my Master in bed each morning and after naps.
I ask permission before doing most things, particularly if they are not normal routine activities.
I am never to raise my voice to him, nor slam doors or cabinets.
I ask each day as to which perfume I should wear each day. I have about 8 perfumes to choose from.
I always tell my Master when I am getting tired and ready for bed.
He rarely goes to bed when I do, as he is an insomniac, but he does tuck me in and kiss me goodnight and joins me later.
I always walk on my Master’s right side. ALWAYS..it really is habit.
I must tell him if I masturbate in the shower.
No saying, β€œwhatever”.
I always tell him that I’m thinking of taking a shower and he will tell me to go ahead or to wait.
I never leave the house without permission and rarely without him. He drives me everywhere. (Not that I can’t drive. I even have my own car, which we usually drive because it gets better gas mileage. But he prefers to drive me and I prefer to ride anyway.)
My Master takes care of all the bills.
My Master does all the shopping. I write on the list, or tell, or text him what I need or want and he decides what to buy. He pretty much gets me whatever I ask for, but I’m pretty frugal and don’t ask for expensive things. Sometimes I go shopping and sometimes I don’t.
I wear a Cartier Love Bracelet, which is never removed and is similar to a collar.
I ask him daily, at least once, if there is anything he wishes me to do that evening.

I guess I already have a pretty big list, don’t I?

Masturbating – Do Tell

My Master has a new rule in which I am required to tell him if I masturbate. And I must tell him ASAP. Some Masters require permission to cum. My Master, fortunately does not require this. I cannot, at this point in time, cum upon command. Nor can I, at this point in time, stop an orgasm once it has started. More on how I cum in another post.

Why is it so hard for me to follow this rule? Well, actually, telling him that I have masturbated is SO incredibly embarrassing to me. Why? I don’t know. But, even harder for me is if, no when, because he always says, “What were you thinking about?” But why is this so hard for me? Sometimes I’m not really sure I was thinking of anything in particular. Is that weird? Sometimes I do have a fleeting thought during the act, but, if I tell, does that mean I really want this done to me? I mean, that IS why he is asking, isn’t he? He is asking me because he wants to learn about how I think. But, what if he really, I mean REALLY does what I fantasized about in the shower as I came. Or maybe I thought of it only for a second, which excited me enough to want to make myself cum?

What do you think?

New Time, New Start – The New Rules

My Master laid out for me Three New Rules. We are starting afresh and so most rules I have becomes slack in doing and he has been slow on enforcing, so here are the three new rules.

Rule #1 – I WILL OBEY

A. Consistent Directives (not dependent on situation)
1. FOLLOW DIRECTIVES – This has been an issue for my Master because when he tells me to do something, I tend to say, but what about… or but that’s not… This leads him to believe that I think that I am smarter than him and looks like I’m arguing. SO, instead, I must first say YES SIR and then I can say, MAY I SAY SOMETHING?.
2. MASTURBATION – must tell the very next opportunity. My Master does not require me to ask first to masturbate. But he does want to know about it and I tend not to tell him immediately, but rather may mention it when he asks, which may be days later. So, now I must tell him ASAP. And it is now a RULE, not just something he would like for me to do.
3. COFFEE – I always make him coffee in the morning, but he doesn’t usually ask me to make it for him during the day. Now, he will be telling me more often to make and serve him coffee.

B. Situationally Dependent Directives (may or may not be possible at all times, but I will still be responsible for outcomes)
1. DECISIONS. If there is any way possible, ask first for all decisions. If not possible, such as when I’m at work, I can make decision, but discuss with Master asap and explain why.
2. PERMISSION. I need permission. (Shower. Bathroom. …) In our lifestyle, if others, such as children, are about, then I can say something such as, I was thinking of taking a shower and then my Master can acknowledge that is okay for me to continue. As for going to the bathroom, he requires me to look at him when I say I need to go to the bathroom and he gives a nod of his head in acknowledgement and permission. This has been a long standing rule, but I have slacked.

Rule #2 – Show Respect.

A. DON’T ARGUE. If I disagree, say Yes, Sir and then ask permission to ask/say.
B. NO SMARTASSNESS – I tend to scoff a lot. And I’ve gotten really bratty about that. It is to stop!
C. NO β€œWHATEVER” instead – Yes Sir. Uh, yeah, I’m REALLY bad for saying that one whenever I disagree but will acquiesce anyway. So, really going to have to work on that one. Whatever. Uh, I mean, okay!

Rule #3 – Sex for Master ANYTIME, ANYONE, ANYWAY he desires. He allows me to be a part of all sex.

MY SCHEDULE

MONDAY-FRIDAY
From Wake-up to 8am (at which time I must be at work)
Coffee for Master

Must ask to stay after work, unless required.

6PM UNTIL BED
GYM – Must attend 4 days min. (Must ask permission before attempting any new workouts or classes)
BLOG – 4 days min.
Send Master a PIC or STORY from internet that might make his cock hard (ask permission to read stories)– 4 days min.

WEEKENDS
Master picks CLOTHING – I can wear pj for lounging in am. Then Master picks clothing.
Let Master know on Friday if I have to bring WORK HOME. And then do work when Master allows.