Force Me!

I am yearning for more structure, more rules, more micromanaging, more discipline, more tasks.  The problem is a common one for me.  The problem is this:

My Master will up the ante when I request this, which is often.  He will give me more rules and tasks.  I try to follow and usually do pretty good for a day or two and then I begin to slack.  I give excuses or he actually gives me excuse not to do things.  Occasionally, he will punish me for not keeping up, but not usually.  And things go back to normal, pretty much, slackness.  After a while, I might say to my Master that he is not making me do these things and then he responds with the very true fact that I am not obeying.  He is so sweet and forgiving.  I don’t want him to be mean to me, not really.  But, I feel I have no self-discipline.  And that makes me not feel good about myself.  Sigh.  After a time,……..repeat.

What can I do about this?

Master Being Mysterious – UGH!

Last night,

While I got all ready for this mysterious play date, my Master asked me, “I’ve never asked you before, but do you have a problem with black men?”. My response was, “No, of course not.” (In fact, once I had a wonderful summer with a guy from the Dominican Republic, who was very dark. He must have forgotten.) We were supposed to leave at 10pm and right before 10, my Master was like, “uh, it might be a bit later. It’s hard to coordinate with this many people. I was like, “what???” My anxiety went up a bit. He said, “You trust me, don’t you?” I said, “yes, sir, of course” and “May I please have a glass of wine?” lol

A little later my Master said, “Well, Damn, forget it. It’s not going to happen tonight.” (I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Ha!) I said, “ok, are you going to share?” He was like we were going over to Matt and Nickie’s house. Ohhhh…how funny, NOT. This was a couple that we had played with a few times before, but it had been awhile. My Master was such a tease!!! As it turned out, though, Matt and Nickie had to cancel.

But, the night was not over. My Master still intended to humiliate me. More later.

A Second Sub – Questions answered.

I recently wrote a post about gaining a second sub. It mostly contained questions and so this post, I thought I’d answer my questions as related to my relationship.

In my own relationship of more than 9 years with my Master, I have always known that my Master wanted more than one sub. I also knew when I met him that he would guide me to the place where I was comfortable with this, because he loved me so much and wanted to keep me as his number one, always.

I also know and respect, that in our relationship, we do not hide things from one another. We all see others that we view as attractive. We can either hide that fact, or we can share it with our partners. I would rather share in this fun, rather than wonder or have it hidden behind my back. My Master says that ALL pleasure comes from me, even pleasure from other women. So, I am involved in the sexual aspects as well as giving him the women that we share, in a sense. He always makes me feel in the number one spot that he has placed me. He lets others know this too and this seals my trust in him. My Master loves variety. And guess what? I do too. It’s so fun that I can never be bored. 😉

So, to the answer the question of Why? To add to our relationship. To serve my Master in many ways.

Will sex be secretive or shared? Most definitely shared. And this is what defines this kind of a poly relationship versus others that I have read about. He doesn’t date someone separately from me. This is a shared relationship.

Will time be separate, shared, or both? In our relationship, we have talked of times shared and separate. Times when all three of us will be together, times when he and she will be together and times when she and I will be together and times when he and I will still maintain our relationship. Sex would not occur without me, however.

Are the subs bi? Yes, most definitely, because playing all three of us together would be enhanced by this, since I am bi.

Is their a hierarchy? And what does that mean? In our relationship, I am the number one submissive and always will be. This means that my and Master’s relationship is primary. However, this does not mean, in our case, that I would be over another sub. I am not Dominant at all and cannot be a switch. So, if someone came along that was a submissive switch, she would be higher than me or over me. My Master would direct her to direct me, if that was his/her wish.

Is the second sub live-in? Is the first? I am the first sub and I am a live-in, 24/7, submissive that is also married to my Master. The second sub might be either. I imagine that we would start dating and see where it led. Ultimately, my Master would like to have his second sub live-in, to be more of a permanent or long-term relationship.

Is it because of wanting a poly household? How will that work? There are many types of poly households that I’ve read about. In our relationship, it would occur as roommates/family, with my Master as head and me and the second sub as sisters/friends. At least that is the goal.

Does the first sub want this also, or is this purely a want of the Dom? I have to admit that it has taken many years for me to actually DESIRE this, rather than just want it because my Master wants it. I have seen the advantages and gotten some tastes here and there of what it might be like. I am secure in my relationship with my Master, so that it actually appears doable. I can’t say that all my jealousies and apprehensions are gone, but I see them lessen and lessen all the time. My trust grows and grows as does my excitement.

Will the sub have input into choosing the second sub? How so? We have tried several different things over the years. I remember at first, we both tried to look online and peruse the net for possible dates in the BDSM lifestyle. But, I became so frustrated and upset and stressed. Why? Because it was so hard. I’m not very flirtatious and don’t often know what to say. So, then we changed it up and my Master did the leading, by searching profiles and sites and initiating conversations. I have all the passwords to all the sites and emails that he uses and I used to obsessively try to keep up. But, actually, that became too stressful, too. And honestly, sometimes, really boring, in that I really have other things to do than to read discussions that have to do with something that I’ve already discussed with my Master the night before. So, now, I believe that we have come up with another way that might work better. My Master continues to search and look and if he finds someone promising, then he tells me that he would like me to pick up into the chat or email. Of course, previous to this, he has already mentioned that he met someone interesting and told me some details and even sent me a few pictures. I think this method seems to work the best and we will see what the future holds. 🙂

If the goal is live-in, will dating come first? Amongst who?
I do not see how you could avoid dating first. In our situation, we have met all together casually like for coffee, first. Then we see what comes next. I think that dating would have to occur for a pretty good while before you would want to have a live-in, just as you would in any romantic, live-in arrangement.

Ultimately, is the sub for the Dom’s pleasure or for the sub’s, too? In what ways? In our relationship, the pleasure for the Dom is my main concern, but my Master wants us all to be compatible. Not only that, he wishes for me to have friendship and companionship as well. Which is why, he asks my input and we talk incessantly about it, but his decision is final.

If the sub is live in, will she have her own room or will they all share? In our situation, I don’t think that we have come to a conclusion about this yet. We have talked about both the second sub having her own room and us all sharing. Mostly, we have said that we would all sleep together in one bed.

What is the plan if resentment or jealousy start forming? What is the plan to try and prevent this? The obvious answer to this is open communication. I believe that if it is made clear that my Master and my relationship is primary, then there will be no competition because that spot is already established. I think it will be the Master’s responsibility to make sure that all his subs are feeling taking care of, having their needs met, and addressing problems right away. My Master is very good at communication and though I may not be the best at it, I feel that I have improved over time and I do try my best.

How is a sub sister different or the same as a sister wife in the realm of BDSM? I think of a sister wife more when I think of Mormonism, and in those relationships, the wives share the husband, but the wives are not sexual with each other. I’ve always thought more that subs would be on more of an equal par and in our case a threesome.

Has the subject been a long term one or is the subject new? For us, this subject has been as long term as our relationship has been.

Is the Dom missing something that his current sub cannot or does not provide or is the second sub an addition for enhancement? I believe in our relationship, that the addition of a sub is for enhancement. What I cannot provide, is myself as a clone. LOL
I would love to have the friendship of another sub to share life with. On another note, I have a heart condition and so I sleep more than the average person. My Master, on the other hand, is an insomniac. I imagine that another sub might be able to provide companionship at times I cannot. (I can’t say that I’m not jealous of this aspect, but knowing that sex would not occur without me makes me able to accept this a little better.)

So, this has been a long post. I’ve covered everything that I can currently think of at the moment about adding a second sub. I’m sure that I will have to update this as I find more questions and answers. Anyone have anything else to ponder?

Feeling Used.  Feeling Good.  Details from Last Night –

photo - Copy

One of the kinks that Master likes and I’ve also come to like, is dirty talking with others.  My Master enjoys other women.  I think I’ve posted about that before.  We are poly, but that means so many different things to different people.  So here is what transpired last night.

We were sitting on our bed, each on our own laptops and phones.  LOL.  But we are more together than you think.  We talk to each other and text and show each other things on our phones and laptops all the time.  And we know what each other is doing.  We share.  We also share my Master’s enjoyment of another woman.  I start to get up from the bed and I say that I guess I should get ready for bed.  Honestly, I should have said, “May I get ready for bed?”  But also, he probably should enforce that.  He said that he met a woman online who is interested in listening to us have sex and talking while we do, and so he wanted to have his cock sucked while he talked to the woman.  Her name was Marcella.  Oooooo….I suddenly got very excited. I love it when he uses me like that.  It is a real turn on.  I love being involved in this scenario.  So, I ask him if I can have a few minutes to get ready.  And he says yes.  So, I get ready for bed and then come back to the bedroom and start to undress.  He has already undressed and is texting, I assume, to Marcella.  As I get into bed, he calls Marcella.  He starts chatting with her a bit and then tells me to get down between his legs and start sucking his cock.  I readily comply because I really am a cock whore.  I LOVE to suck cock.  My Master tells me that I am the best all the time and this, of course, makes me proud and also makes me want to do it more.  I have to keep on top of my game, after all!  He talks to her and finds out that she is submissive switch and has been in a Dom/sub relationship, but is currently single.  He tells her about me that I am a good submissive, that I am shy and that I’m a wonderful cock sucker and brags about me a bit.  He has me to lick his cock and suck his balls and as he gets more and more turned on, he gets more and more forceful and talks more and more dirty and the whole things is just turning me on more and more.  He asks me questions such as, “Do you like it that Marcella is getting my cock hard?”  and makes me answer yes, so that Marcella can hear.  He makes me say TY to Marcella over and over throughout the play.  Then he tells me to turn my ass toward him while I’m sucking his cock so that he can spank me.  He tells Marcella how much he likes her cute little voice and that it makes him hard.  He spanks me a couple swats and tells me that Marcella is gasping each time I get smacked and he likes that.  He asks Marcella if she wants him to spank me more and I assume she says yes, because he then starts swatting me more and more and telling me that he is spanking me because Marcella wants it.  In these situations, I am the bottom.  He reminds me of this.  He asks me if I understand.  I say yes.  I’m so torn up at this point that I really will submit to anything, I think.  He tells me to straddle his chest, 69-style so he can see my little asshole.  Then he starts to rub his finger in circles around my asshole with a wet finger and telling Marcella that he will finger that ass for her if she wants and maybe she wants him to fuck me in the ass.  I’m dying I’m so horny.  I’m rubbing my pussy on his chest and playing with his balls and getting my ass fingered and my shyness has all but disappeared.  He says that’s it, you are going to get fucked in the ass.  Then he gets up, laying the phone on the bed while he gets lube.  He tells me to lay down and I lay face down on the bed. The phone is near my head.  He pours some lube on, and starts to enter me…..oh, the burn!  I’m half crying, half moaning, half sucking in my breath because it hurts.  He is gentle and goes in slow, but damn it hurts.  But it hurts good.  As he gets all the way in, I feel his cock and balls pulsing wildly.  I’m thinking he is ready to cum.  Then he starts fucking me, talking to me and Marcella and telling me to make him cum.  Come on, he says, you can take it for me, can’t you, slut?  Oh, yes, Sir,  I can.  He fucks me and fucks me while I whine and moan and finally he lets his load go.  I love hearing him cum as he grunts and talks.  He does not cum quickly.  I mean when he cums, he does not usually cum for a mere 3 or 4 seconds.  The release of his cum just seems to go on and on.  I love it.  So, his final thrusts and grunts go on over and over.  OH, I really, really love it.  Then I feel proud because he always tells me what a good, good girl I am.  He kisses the back of neck and my shoulders and my tattoo between my shoulder blades.  Then he talks to Marcella for a minute, telling her how much he enjoyed talking with her, asking if she enjoyed it, and telling her to text anytime.  After he hangs up, he again tells me how hot he was for me and how good it was.  I’m so happy.  He pulls out, which I HATE!  As he cleans himself off, I ask if I can have the vibrator.  He says yes. I put the vibrator on my clit and he sucks my nipples and slaps my tits and bites me and talks to me, telling me to cum for him.  My asshole is sore and burning, still, and that makes my clit even more sensitive. I am so turned on that I cum so fast and hard that I scream and my left hamstring cramps up.  LOL  ohhhh that hurt.  And then we both laugh.  And then I start again. And he starts again, holding my neck, mmmm, and smacking me here and there, telling me to cum for him.  After a few minutes, (or several, who’s counting, it feels so good!), I finally cum again really hard, really good, panting, and spent.  Mmmmmmmm…..we cuddle and then go to sleep.  Awesome evening!