There are many words and phrases that we, as submissives, desire, yes, CRAVE, to hear. Over time, different words or phrases have made my insides cinch up and my face feel hot and I desire to serve. I love to hear, “Good Girl!”, but most recently, a new phrase has caught my submissive ear.
The phrase, “You can take it for me!” is such an intense phrase with so much to it. I have come to realize that I desire to please so much, that I want desperately to make my Master sexually pleased, in whatever way he desires. If it is in pain or degradation, then I want to do it. Sometimes, ok, a lot of the time, I am a total baby when it comes to pain. Quite a quandary, considering I like pain once I get to that certain point after buildup. And I desire pain a lot of times. Like when I’m not feeling good about myself or when I am really stressed. It really is a stress reliever. But when I hear the words, “You can take it for me!” I notice that I instantaneously become so compliant. It’s really kind of weird.
Anyone else experience this?
Cool! This is interesting!
Day 29 – Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
Most definitely. I found myself to be turned on by spanking before I ever knew what BDSM or submission was. That aspect of myself is what actually was the link to finding myself submissive. As I began to explore the net and search out spanking, I began to come across BDSM and that, in turn, led to the realization that I was submissive and began to explore BDSM.
I enjoy a certain amount of pain and humiliation because it makes me feel more submissive which makes me more turned on which makes me want more pain and humiliation. Plus, I really want to please my Master and when i see that he enjoys administering pain and humiliation, then it turns me on and makes me feel more submissive and thus more turned and so on and so on.
I don’t enjoy punishment which I find different than torture. Torture is for turn on for either or both a Dom/sub, while punishment is administered to sub by Dom due to infraction and isn’t meant to be a turn-on. I do not enjoy punishment at all. First, the fact that my Master is not happy with me makes me pretty upset and so I’m not turned on at all. Plus, he administers punishment more quickly and harshly than the slow build up of torture.
I do totally embrace the pain and humiliation that is part of my submission to my Master.
My Master gave me this topic PAIN to blog about, particularly in light of some statements that I made recently after a rather harsh punishment from him.
I’ve blogged on the topic of pain versus pleasure a bit:
The following post tells a little of how I got to the point where I realized that I liked pain.
Pain not pleasure or pleasure not pain or both
And this post defines the definition between TORTURE and PUNISHMENT.
Punishment vs. Torture
In our BDSM relationship, my Master has used some pain with me. It has become more and more intense throughout our relationship. When we first met, I remember my limits as being that I wanted to be spanked, but wanted no marks. Gradually, I began to feel differently. I credit that completely to my Master’s influence. Now I actually feel that he is somewhat of a sadist and I, a masochist. (He enjoys inflicting pain for his pleasure and I enjoy receiving pain for my pleasure or for his.)
How did he do this? Many many subtle ways. So subtle that it was hard to see that it was his influence and not just completely my evolvement. One thing we used to do quite often, was to sit at night on our bed with a computer between us (and each wearing headphones, because we had teenagers in the house) and he would select porn clips and we would watch them. And then he would ask me, “How do you feel about this clip?” “What do you like and don’t like?” I would answer honestly, often asking questions. I know that I would often respond with “That looks scary.” But, reading and watching really did change how I thought and gradual introduction into some of these things got me very excited and gradually changed my views and wants and needs. My Master would also show me how hard his cock was getting while spanking me and the fact that allowing him to spank me was not only exciting but getting him hard was a huge turn-on. Being submissive, I want to make him hard. And as I’ve been conditioned to think, making my Master hard and making him cum are my two number one objectives as his submissive. See how it works?
Another aspect that influenced my wanting more pain was being marked. After my first desire to get marks, which I discussed about in the links above, I began to get excited and actually want marks. I think that I am actually hard to mark and so that also feeds into me wanting more intense torture.
Again, read my post above for the difference between TORTURE and PUNISHMENT. There are two main aspects to the differences between the two.
First of all, TORTURE is for the pleasure of my Master. I also feel pleasure, either in pleasing him, or physically enhancing my own excitement, or both. My Master achieves this by a rather slow build up of the pain he is inflicting. He may start with very mild spanks and build up very slowly. With this kind of a build up, I can take so, so much more pain and it builds up huge excitement and desire for me. In addition to the physical factor, there is the mindset. Knowing ahead of time that I am to please my Master and this is for his pleasure sets me in the mind-frame for pleasing him and I may also find pleasure and this is exciting and full of desire.
PUNISHMENT, on the other hand, is to atone for a wrong and is not meant for pleasure. My Master usually achieves this by both rapid and direct infliction of pain and by expressing verbally his unhappiness with my behavior. I respond immediately by becoming very upset. I do not like to displease my Master. As time has gone on, this has become much more intense for me. He does not have any happy build-up, oh no! And sometimes his punishments are quite harsh to me. In another words, no pleasure here. I hurt and want it to stop.
Recently, my Master responded to a very nasty and horrible behaving sub, …me. 😦 He grabbed me and literally ripped some of my clothing and whipped me horribly with a belt. I was crying and I felt horrible. This was because I knew that I had done wrong. I was so upset with myself at being so horrible and saying such a nasty thing to him. And he was EXTREMELY mad. I had no time to prepare for the intense pain and it hurt! This last punishment was also different in that he did not let up very quickly at all. I think in the past he has been swift with some punishment and inflicted a bit of pain on me, but not to the extent and length that this past punishment was endured. (And honestly, I am such a baby for pain. Those who know me would never ever believe that I was into pain for any pleasure!) After the punishment, I started thinking that I didn’t think I was into pain anymore. Basically, I think it was a jump to the fact that I most CERTAINLY did not want to experience any punishment like that again. So I actually told my Master that I didn’t think I was into pain anymore. Of course, soon – a week or two, maybe, I had already changed my mind.
Things had already become right with the world and I knew that this last punishment had indeed made a very big impression on me. I hate to say this, because it makes me feel like a child, but the consequence, I feel, will greatly hinder me from saying anything nasty – at least for a long, long time.
I had actually forgotten that I had even said that I didn’t think that I was into pain anymore, but I’m sure my Master had not. We had already begun to make some changes in our life to increase my submission since settling down from the move, somewhat, and one of things he wished to implement was more TORTURE for his pleasure. I, of course, was happy to oblige. The night occurred about a week or so ago. My Master had me to undress and started to spank me and then use the belt on my ass. He was very, VERY slowly starting a buildup. I was not apprehensive at all, because I was into the moment of wanting him to fuck me and wanting to please me. I think he must have had a test in mind, because he didn’t fuck me right away. Instead he continued on and on. Finally starting to gently smack my pussy with the belt. I was already sooo turned on and this was driving me completely wild. I was trying to spread my legs farther and trying to tilt my pussy by arching my back more, so as to give him better access for smacking my pussy with the belt. I wanted MORE pain. But, as this was TORTURE, not PUNISHMENT, then it was being perceived COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!
So, in conclusion, yes, yes I am into pain by way of TORTURE. How much? This, I am not sure of. I have only been spanked by hand, wooden spoon, belt, and a silicon flogger and I don’t think that these things have been administered with too much force in my experiences with TORTURE by my Master. The future is still a mystery to unwrap! 🙂
Day 8 – Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?
Yes, spankings and other corporal punishments are a part of my submission. Spankings with hand, flogger, plastic hanger, wooden spoon, and belt have been a pretty regular part of both punishment and discipline or just pleasure for my Master. Punishment is for doing something wrong, while discipline or for my Master’s pleasure. I do enjoy a bit of pain, but it is definitely different. My Master performs these actions differently and I perceive them differently.
For punishment, my Master is usually angry or at the least, he is irritated. So the punishments tend to be swift as well as right away, intense. For other times, my Master will usually start mild and build up according to what he thinks I can tolerate, often interspersing strikes with rubbing or kissing or other sexual acts.
The reason that they are a part of my submission has a simple answer. My Master wishes it this way and I agree.
My parents spanked me and my sisters for punishment. It was never sexual in any way whatsoever. One time, however, when I was 13 or so, I remember that my mother spanked me. It was very rare that she would have spanked me at this age. I believe that all of us, me and my siblings, were getting swatted for some reason. She always just swatted us on the behind with a wooden spoon, over clothing. But THIS time, after about the 3rd swat, I felt really weird. I think I was actually feeling a twinge of “turned on”. I turned to my mother and told her to stop and I told her that she would have to punish me in other ways because I was too old to be spanked. My mother was surprised, but never spanked me again.
When I was an adult just embarking upon kinky sex, I knew that for some reason I was totally intrigued and turned on by spankings. I would search the internet for spanking pics, stories, and videos. I remember, as a youngster, reading a porn magazine that belonged to my father. It was a Pent House magazine and there was a story in there about this woman who had gone clothes shopping with either her sisters or friends. Upon returning, her husband was very mad at her for having purchased all this clothing. As I remember the story, he decided he wanted her to try on and show him all the clothing that she bought. She and the other girls with her were made to model all the clothing that they bought and then they were all spanked as punishment. I was very turned on at a young teenager at reading this story. I also remember, much later into adulthood, in particular, watching this video (obviously a common porn story scenario, but I didn’t know that, having watched virtually zero porn up to this point), where a young woman was ushered into an office where she was being “interviewed” for something. The guy told her to get up on the table and he said something like, “Let’s see how much you can take.” The girl got up on the desk and spread her legs and the guy proceeded to lightly flog her pussy. Okay, it really, really turned me on. I watched the video and then spread my legs and gently smacked my pussy a few times, rubbing my clit until I came!
So, when I first met my Master, I knew that I liked to be spanked. But that was all there was to tell at that time. My views changed with my experience. At times, when my Master would spank me, I would get really turned on and want him to spank harder – especially if he built up slowly. Then he began to use other implements on me besides his hand – a wooden spoon, a belt, a small flogger, a plastic hanger. I began to find that after a little bit of pain, I would suddenly be more sensitive everywhere in my body and then want a little more to increase that sensitivity.
I also wanted my pussy spanked. Not really directly on my clit, because I have an extremely sensitive clit – dammit. Not enough to make me cum fast, but more than enough to turn a light smack in the wrong place (or right place) into enormous pain. But, I began to learn that spanking or smacking my pussy lips and inner thighs and ESPECIALLY right over my vagina made me very turned on and in turn made me want to cum, badly.
I have found other pain to also be a turn on to me – face slapping, nipple pinching and breast slapping. For me it seems to be not only the pain factor or build up of pain factor that begins to cause me pleasure, but also the submissive factor.
I don’t know how I began to want more pain. I know that when I first became sub to my Master, I remember telling him that I didn’t want to receive marks on me at all and I only wanted slight pain. The first time that I had marks, I was thrilled. I had asked for marks because it was going to be awhile before I was going to see my Master again, as this was before we married, and I wanted marks to remind me of Him. I think the marks reminded me of the pain and the pain took the pleasure meter way up. I also remember one of the first times that I was spanked by my Master in a very slow, methodical way. It was very slow and very easy, but for a long period of time before increasing. I remember as the smacks became harder, I really think I started to zone a bit. And I really hardly felt the smacks, all of a sudden. It startled me and I quickly came out of the zone. But I remember thinking….Oh, WOW! I wonder if this is what I’ve heard about…the sub space? Anyway, I haven’t experienced that again, but I have learned to tolerate more and more pain with the wonderful prize of becoming more excited and turned on. YAY!
When I feel vulnerable, then I feel more turned on – simply put. Being spanked makes me feel vulnerable. Feeling pain makes me feel vulnerable. Feeling humiliated or treated as more of an object or a little girl or someone who needs taken care of. And this, in turn, makes me feel more turned on and more excited. Thus I want more and more. I also know that when my Master smacks me, or humiliates me, He gets hard. THAT is the best of all!
I like being spanked. I’ve always had a kink for it. In fact, I had a kink for it way, way before I ever knew anything else about BDSM. When I first entered into the BDSM scene and began to discuss my likes and dislikes, it was quite easy. First and foremost…no real pain…no marks…and basically I knew nothing else BECAUSE I didn’t know any other of the hundreds of play aspects that might be involved. (It actually wasn’t until I started filling out profiles on sites that I began to discover these things. I had to ask my Master everything.) Gradually, though, over time (many years..5+), I started to become more and more accepting of more things and actually wanting to explore and experience more things, including a little pain.
On the total opposite end of the kink of liking a spanking, is the spanking as a result of a consequence. When my Master gets mad at me for some reason and demands I pull down my pants and lean over the bed, I immediately get so so mad and at the same time, upset. He usually spanks the crap out of my behind and I usually wind up in tears. It is more because he is delivering the spanking in a real mode of anger and disappointment in me and that kills me.
But, during what is “play”, I began to discover some interesting aspects of “pain”. First of all, I learned that the anticipation of pain got all my senses on high alert…all of my senses, including my sex sense. You know, the sense that otherwise is called, “arousal”! I also was experiencing that hard spankings were letting me feel MORE controlled, MORE owned, MORE dominated. And, that led to wanting more and harder spankings, obviously. And whenever my Master says, “Good Girl”, then I KNOW that I have “taken” something that he desired for me to take and that also makes me want it more and want it harder.
I also began to experience other kinds of pain, like mild nipple torture…wow!..intense! But, the more intense, the better. I think the real key to increasing intensity has been, in my case, to go ever so slowly that I’ve not realized that I was receiving in increasing intensity. (Of course this also goes for other things beside pain…but that is another post.)
Then there is something else that I discovered. If my Master starts a spanking very mild and increases ever so slowly, all the while continuing the spanking, I start to get so freaking aroused that I start to moan. It is really weird when I hear myself. I’ve heard about some who can orgasm this way. I don’t think that I would ever be able to do that, but I really, really enjoy a spanking that is bringing me to that point.
So, to answer the question of whether pain is to like or not to like, the answer is….IT DEPENDS! If I’m being given a spanking as a punishment for something that I’ve done and I know that my Master is upset with me, then I am NOT happy about the pain. It really hurts bad and I’m hating it all the while and I usually break down quickly and cry. BUT, …if my Master and I are playing and I start to get a spanking, then I am aroused. I like it. I need it. I want some more of it!!!
1. How much do you like being owned? On a scale of 0 to 10. Do you enjoy hearing “You are mine I own you?”, this extends to being marked as someone’s property, being someone’s baby, little girl, slave, their thing, etc.
—–Definitely a 10!!! I love being owned. I wear a permanent bracelet and wish for a tatoo to show that I am owned.
2. How much do you like to serve, on a scale of 1-10 — 0 being “I do not much care to serve people”, 10 being “It is my life to serve you! Let me massage your feet, bring you a drink, etc…”
—–8 if my needs/wants are being considered, 10 if serving includes my needs and desires….With my Master…it is def. a 10 because he always thinks of me…maybe too much.
3. How much do you want to be degraded, yelled at, called “dirty” or a “slut”. (This includes being humiliated, made to do things in public, objectified etc.)
—–10..If I know that it makes my Master happy or horny!!! YES!!!
4. How much do you want to be tied down and restrained. This means to be restricted, having your ability to move being restricted via being tied up. (This can include being caged.)
—– 8…I haven’t had much experience outside of sex scene, but think I would enjoy more. I know that I do not like being restrained for the duration of a night because I cannot sleep. I also being uncomfortable for a really long time. But, I’m up for more of being tied up. I LOVE being restrained during sex.
5. Do you want or need to be beaten? This is not always about pain. You can “beat” someone for long periods of time without hurting them. When you are beaten you are the center of someone’s physical attention. This is about having someone use their strength against you…its not the pain but being the focus of a partner’s aggression. And of course, some people do like pain.
—–10…I like some pain and it makes me feel calm and centered to have a beating…especially if it occurs for a long period of time and not just a few quick hard whacks…although I like that too. And, if it makes my Master horny or he just desires it and I know this….oh, boy, I really REALLY WANT to submit to this.
6. How much do you like to be fucked…This may not be about penetration–but having someone devote sexual attention to you. How much do you like to be the focus of someone’s sexual attention? Thrown down and fucked, used for someone’s pleasure…
—–10,10,10…I love penetration and I love being wanted and used!
7. How much do you desire to be given away — In the Story of O, at the final scene, the character is “given away” to someone by her lover. When this happens in real life, usually it’s not permanent, but perhaps you’ve been very “bad”, so your partner’s friends are going to use you. This reinforces the fact that you are such a powerful object of pleasure.
—–8…I’m scared of this…to be given to someone else…not sure if I could handle this. If it were temporary, and I knew that my Master desired this and wasn’t wanting to get rid of me, then I would serve in this way. When we go out and swing, I feel that I am serving my Master by fucking the other people that we are with.
24/7 (Total Power Exchange), Anal Sex, Asphyxiaphilia (Breath Play), Biting, Blindfolds, Bondage, Branding (Permanent marks), Breast/Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc., Candle Wax, Collar and Lead/Leash, Confinement/Caging, Depilation/Shaving, Dildos (Handheld & Strap-ons), Discipline, Exhibitionism/Sex In Public, Fire Play, Hair Pulling, Handcuffs/Shackles, Humiliation, Master/Slave, Mutual Masturbation, Nipples, Oral Sex, Pain, Pantyhose/Stockings, Piercings, Pinching, Power Exchange, Role Playing, Sadism, Spanking/Paddling, Talking Dirty, The Rack/Medieval Devices, Urolagnia (Water Sports/Urine), Voyeurism
Anyone care to comment?