Corner Time

My Master has had me to stand in the corner a few times. They were all for things that he felt I had done wrong or for arguing. I remember the first time thinking, “oh, please, this is stupid and I feel ridiculous….” eye roll.

The other two times that I recall having to stand in the corner were a little different feeling.

One time he told me to take my clothes off. I thought he was going to spank or whip me, but no, then he had me to stand in the corner. Ugh. How humiliating. I felt my face totally red. I actually began to feel bad and wished it were over.

The next time he simply told me to pull my pants down and stand in the corner. Again, I felt humiliated and felt myself going red. And I ALSO felt a little turned on. And this made me more humiliated. I think that this was one of the times when I began to see that being humiliated was a turn-on.

But, I felt weird. I felt humiliated that I felt turned on and that I was red faced about it all. This feeling made me feel extremely submissive. I wanted to crawl on the floor. Even thinking about this makes me want to do more humiliating things because, honestly, I crave submission. I need it. I don’t get enough of it.

But, alas, that is another post.

Master Being Mysterious Turns into Humiliation for me

Sorry that I’m just now getting back to the mysterious night. After I was teased into thinking I might be punished by being fucked by multiple guys, and then finding out it was all just a tease, my Master still had other plans that I didn’t know about.

We sat down to watch some TV and my Master suddenly texted me a number and said, ” Text Lydia and ask her for permission to suck my cock later.” I was like, “what?”

Let me explain who Lydia was. Lydia was someone that I really didn’t know. My Master had found her online and had recently started chatting it up with her. I had never talked or texted her. But, I knew that he was chatting a bit with her and he had told me a thing or two about her. This was a commonplace thing in our life. But telling me to do this task? This was not something that I had done before! I was embarrassed and reluctant. What if she cussed me out or something. Did she know about this ahead of time? I couldn’t even concentrate on the movie because I was slightly mortified. But, I did as my Master requested and texted her. She responded back with, “Yes, you have my permission”. I said, “TY” and she said “You’re welcome.”

So, later, we go to the bedroom and he tells me to get undressed and lay across his lap where he then proceeds to smack my bottom while admonishing me for disobeying him and humiliating me more by talking about how I had to ask for permission to suck his cock. He lets me suck his cock and then fuck him, all the while telling me that he should put me in the corner and force me to listen to him fuck Lydia.

That would be sooo humiliating. I feel my face getting red just thinking about it. And the thought of being humiliated, and my face being red and having no control over the situation like that, makes me feel so submissive that I feel hot and my pussy tingles a bit.

What confusing feelings!

Can anyone relate?

12 Days of BDSM Christmas – Day 8

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The 10 implements that I chose are:
Spanked 10x each

Belt
Belt buckle side
Wooden spoon
Small flogger
Plastic hanger
Metal hanger
Plastic spatula
Blinds light adjuster
Paddle ball paddle
Ruler

Of course, Master may choose whichever implements he desires.

Asking for Punishment

In reading a post by wildwestangel, which was a great post, by the way, a question occurred to me.

How does one ask for punishment?

I mean, I know why. I often feel I need and want punishment. At times because I’ve done wrong and other times just because I NEED to feel used and vulnerable and dominated. But HOW? How does one ask without feeling like I’m just wanting playtime or just wanting to feel selfish for wanting to feel better. Isn’t it better for me to suffer with guilt? Not that I want to, i want to move on as wildwestangel put it. 😦

Day 29 of 30 Days of Submission: Pain and Humiliation

Day 29 – Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Most definitely. I found myself to be turned on by spanking before I ever knew what BDSM or submission was. That aspect of myself is what actually was the link to finding myself submissive. As I began to explore the net and search out spanking, I began to come across BDSM and that, in turn, led to the realization that I was submissive and began to explore BDSM.

I enjoy a certain amount of pain and humiliation because it makes me feel more submissive which makes me more turned on which makes me want more pain and humiliation. Plus, I really want to please my Master and when i see that he enjoys administering pain and humiliation, then it turns me on and makes me feel more submissive and thus more turned and so on and so on.

I don’t enjoy punishment which I find different than torture. Torture is for turn on for either or both a Dom/sub, while punishment is administered to sub by Dom due to infraction and isn’t meant to be a turn-on. I do not enjoy punishment at all. First, the fact that my Master is not happy with me makes me pretty upset and so I’m not turned on at all. Plus, he administers punishment more quickly and harshly than the slow build up of torture.

I do totally embrace the pain and humiliation that is part of my submission to my Master.

Day 27 of 30 Days of Submission: Exploring Desires

Day 27 – Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

I think it is both exciting AND frightening when i think of things that I’d like to explore with my Master. It’s mostly only exciting to me if I think that my Master might be excited about it, also. I’m interested in exploring many kinds of discipline and humiliation that might excite him. One example I think would be interesting to try is mild electric play. I’m also interested in delving deeper into slavehood.

It IS confusing to me that I’m interested in some of these things. And what’s even more confusing is that things that I thought in the past – no way. Now, I’m like…well, maybe…LOL