Day 15 of 30 Days of Submission: Day 15 – Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Day 15 – Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

I definitely think that my submission has evolved and I believe that it is still evolving. Though I think that I am submissive in nature, I do have aspects of my personality and life that are not submissive fully. I believe that is because my past life demanded it. I was previously married to someone who was NOT a Dominant and had no wish to be, as he said. I, therefore, had to take on the Dominant role – I don’t mean sexually, but rather just in making life go for our family. His job required lots of travel, too, so that meant I had to step up. However, I found this to be really stressful, especially because on top of my being inherently submissive, I am also very indecisive sometimes. When I first discovered Dom/sub lifestyles, I was somewhat apprehensive but then realized that if you really can trust the other person to make the best decisions or at least to have your best interests at heart, too, then you can learn to release control.

When my Master and I first got together, my Master was smart enough to discuss lots and lots of aspects of Dom/sub control with me. He masterfully took over control of things slowly and carefully to the point where we are today. It has been a journey of ups and downs with controls ebbing and flowing between my relinquishment and his taking or giving control to me over certain aspects of life. For example, there was a period of time where he began to tell me what clothes to where. This has been a difficult one in our relationship because I have certain clothes for work and also because of weight gain and loss and then gain. I have clothes that fit currently and clothes that don’t. He saw that it was stressing me out for him to pick my clothing all the time, because of comfort and my views on how I should look at work. So, now I pick out my clothes for work and he picks them out for other times. I see that evolving over time.

Our Dom/sub relationship ebbs and flows and therefore evolves based on a lot of outside factors, such as the moving, health issues, etc.. But, I see my submission evolving constantly more and more to a deeper state of submission in my thinking, no matter whether my life shows this control more or less. I feel more submissive. That doesn’t always work in my favor, sometimes. I feel much, much worse about disappointing my Master than before. I feel I am much more in tune to his disappointment in me and it makes me feel horrible. I also want more control taken from me. I want to be more and more submissive and wish I were more successful and finding this.

Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

Over time, there has been so many, many things. My Master has always been my ‘go to’ expert. I guess the thing that I’m most curious about presently is how a sister sub works. I understand the concept to be two subs who are under the same Master. One sub is usually over the other sub. According to my Master, it is the Master’s responsibility to make sure to take care of each sub, oversee the dynamics and ensure all goes well. I am curious as to how it could work. I see the possible fantasy of a Master having two subs, but their getting along, minus jealous issues seems so difficult!

Essay Chore #1 from Master (2nd attempt)

From Master:  Hello MY baby,

  So seeing that repost you put up on your blog gave me an idea. So here is how this is going to work. I am going to send you a series of photos. I want you to look at each one one at a time. I want you to look at the first picture for a full minute. Afterwards I want you to write a small paragraph describing what you see in the photo (I don’t mean the obvious visual) and how what you see makes you feel. Then move on to the next photo. So if you have any questions be sure to ask.

Following are the pictures oo-la-la and my responses to Master:

This picture is certainly erotic and speaks of some activities that you have referred to before.  I picture myself in this photo/3-some.  I would be the girl who is licking the ass of the girl on top. I am playing with and guiding Master’s cock into the girl on top.  I fantasize that these two girls are friends and both are subs and both enjoy their Master and I enjoy serving my Master by serving him the girl as well as serving the girl.  Makes me very excited! 

I like the way the girl receiving seems to be really enjoying what the giver is giving!  I know that I’ve been told before that I can eat pussy well and I remember a couple experiences where the girl really seemed to be enjoying me.  Then there have been other experiences where I wasn’t sure.  It is nice to know that you are doing a good job.  I would want to do a good job to serve my Master in this way.  Regarding the technique – it looks like the girl is licking her clit as well as possibly fingering her?  As the receiver, you know how extremely sensitive my clit is, so I would have to be really turned on for anything other than gentle licks on my protected clit.  Of course I love being fingered.  In the few experiences that I have had with other girl’s pussies, I have been more of a mouth ON clit and sucking and tongue in sort of pussy-eater.  🙂

This looks totally fun!  Also, totally humiliating…yikes!  Also, scary!!  First of all, if I was to be in this scene, there are only 2 places that I could be, based on my personality. I could not be the woman delivering the slap. I could be the woman that is helping with the vibrator OR the one being tortured. I have always wanted to experience some electricity torture.  I would like to know how it feels.  I want to know how much it hurts or does it?  I’m assuming that it does, but, of course, pain is pleasure in many respects.  I wonder what the purpose is of each of the wires and I wonder how it is being applied.  The only really scary thing for me in this scene is that I have such a sensitive clit that it might hurt for someone to be applying a vibrator to my pussy, unless they know me enough.  I can’t have direct contact with my exposed clit – meaning it is too sensitive to be touched without the hood covering, which is why when I use the vibrator on myself, or when I rub and play with myself, I don’t touch my clit, but rather I play with my hood.  It bothers my that I have such a sensitive clit, but on the other hand, I have really, really intense screaming orgasms and I’m able to have multiple orgasms with a vibrator.  So, in conclusion, I wouldn’t want to be this vulnerable and tied up with people that I didn’t know well, unless someone was there to guide them.  🙂
This picture seems to represent real liking or caring and not just sex.  Perhaps these two are close friends.  Perhaps they share a lot of things in addition to sex.  Perhaps they also share deep friendship.  Perhaps they share a Master and perhaps they are so close that they share ecstasy over the common goal of pleasing their Master.  Perhaps they are actually proud of one another for each other’s part in a scene.  Perhaps jealousy is not an issue in serving their Master, because though one truly loves the Master as a soulmate, the other truly loves her likeness.  🙂
Wow, perhaps I should copy and paste my previous notation.  This truly looks like a pair of friends having a good time together.  Perhaps exercising together.   Perhaps their Master requires them to walk and hold hands as they do so for exercise.  They look like they are talking and laughing.  Reminds me of good times that I had with childhood friends. 
In this picture, I love the way she is adoring the tattoo, which reminds me…I still want some tattoos!!!!  Perhaps the tattoo is one that is picked out by the other girl, or perhaps it has a meaning that goes deeper…maybe they are laotong?  😉

THE SCALE | SEVEN MATRICES OF SUBMISSION

 

1. How much do you like being owned? On a scale of 0 to 10. Do you enjoy hearing “You are mine I own you?”, this extends to being marked as someone’s property, being someone’s baby, little girl, slave, their thing, etc.

—–Definitely a 10!!!  I love being owned.  I wear a permanent bracelet and wish for a tatoo to show that I am owned.

2. How much do you like to serve, on a scale of 1-10 — 0 being “I do not much care to serve people”, 10 being “It is my life to serve you! Let me massage your feet, bring you a drink, etc…”

—–8 if my needs/wants are being considered, 10 if serving includes my needs and desires….With my Master…it is def. a 10 because he always thinks of me…maybe too much.

3. How much do you want to be degraded, yelled at, called “dirty” or a “slut”. (This includes being humiliated, made to do things in public, objectified etc.)

—–10..If I know that it makes my Master happy or horny!!!  YES!!!

4. How much do you want to be tied down and restrained. This means to be restricted, having your ability to move being restricted via being tied up. (This can include being caged.)

—– 8…I haven’t had much experience outside of sex scene, but think I would enjoy more.  I know that I do not like being restrained for the duration of  a night because I cannot sleep.  I also being uncomfortable for a really long time.  But, I’m up for more of being tied up.  I LOVE being restrained during sex.

5. Do you want or need to be beaten? This is not always about pain. You can “beat” someone for long periods of time without hurting them. When you are beaten you are the center of someone’s physical attention. This is about having someone use their strength against you…its not the pain but being the focus of a partner’s aggression. And of course, some people do like pain.

—–10…I like some pain and it makes me feel calm and centered to have a beating…especially if it occurs for a long period of time and not just a few quick hard whacks…although I like that too.  And, if it makes my Master horny or he just desires it and I know this….oh, boy, I really REALLY WANT to submit to this.

6. How much do you like to be fucked…This may not be about penetration–but having someone devote sexual attention to you. How much do you like to be the focus of someone’s sexual attention?  Thrown down and fucked, used for someone’s pleasure…

—–10,10,10…I love penetration and I love being wanted and used!

7. How much do you desire to be given away — In the Story of O, at the final scene, the character is “given away” to someone by her lover. When this happens in real life, usually it’s not permanent, but perhaps you’ve been very “bad”, so your partner’s friends are going to use you. This reinforces the fact that you are such a powerful object of pleasure.

—–8…I’m scared of this…to be given to someone else…not sure if I could handle this.  If it were temporary, and I knew that my Master desired this and wasn’t wanting to get rid of me, then I would serve in this way.  When we go out and swing, I feel that I am serving my Master by fucking the other people that we are with.