How to Feel Submissive Day to Day

A post, I recently read, hit home with some of my recent thoughts, so I thought I’d share them.

Living a 24/7 Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship is not ALL about being spanked and serving. Life really does have to occur in tandem. How do you make it all work? How do you continue real life, real family, real jobs, but yet still have a real D/s 24/7 relationship? Do you turn off your submissive or Domness until you have time for a longy in private in the bedroom?

Actually, some people do just that. They may have a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” on the side whom they “play” with every other weekend. And on these weekends, they do it ALL. They have a way to get away from the rest of the world and fulfill the need of being Dom and sub in a total way. And when the weekend or night is over, they go back to their regular lives. Maybe they text and call each other so as to keep the momentum, but then LIVE for the time when they can get back together. …. Been there, done that.

But what about for those who live it 24/7? AND live together 24/7? And by the way, they are different.

Living together and living 24/7 as Dom/sub or as Master/slave is a careful mix of the mundane and the mind-blowing. But, how does it REALLY work? Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, it should be a “work-in-progress”. If it really is, then learning how to mix the two will become easier and easier. I feel this to be soo true in my relationship with my Master. We have been together a long time. We became Dom/sub before our real life 24/7 living together (as husband and wife) and now have been married for more than 8 years. The D/s, though 24/7 ebbs and flows. But as the years go by, we grow closer and become more and more engrained in the D/s life and learn more and more how to make it work.

What does it mean to “make it work”? It simply means that both parties are on the same page, want the same thing, and are working to be more and more happy and satisfied. How do you do that? How does it happen? How do you “make it work”, then?

The number one things is communication. I know, I know. You always hear that. You know what? I USED to think that I was an awesome communicator. I knew all the tips and tricks and rules of how to be a good communicator. (“I hear you saying that…”) But when I married my Master, I quickly learned that I was, in fact, NOT a good communicator. SIGH….And I’m not saying that he was the best, either, but we won’t go there. Over the years, we have become better and better at communicating. It really is impressive. How did we do it? Well, really, not by reading books and going to lectures. But, instead, just by sheer talk. LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of it. We actually spend an enormous amount of time together. Really, it would make you sick. LOL And then there was the six months where we literally were commuting for literally hours a day and we, yes, you guessed it, TALKED.

One of our common subject topics was how to better our D/s relationship. We talked about what we wished we had and tried to find ways to work toward that. That is why I am often posting new and updated rules. We are trying new things or have gotten sidetracked and we are getting back on track again. Although I have not posted very much the last little bit, our relationship is on the fast track – hot and heavy and we are both loving it! It’s awesome!

We still have the mundane problems of life to deal with on a daily basis – like jobs, family, housekeeping, pets, cars, bills and so forth. The key is how to work in the mindblowing so that the mundane is not more than 50% of your day. ūüėČ

For me, as the submissive, I need and crave feeling submissive. I need a constant stream of those things coming at me to make me feel submissive and so we work to make sure that I feel it. In return, I think that my Master feels more Dominant and thus also, more fulfilled.

How does it work in our life?…..hmmmm….let’s see. I recently read a post where a submissive was describing her weekly activities and how it portrayed her submissiveness. I also have my list – as follows:

-Each morning I arise before my Master and shower and shave.
-I then make his espresso in a special pot just the way he likes it in one of his special cups. I pour it into the cup very, very slowly so it cools some and then I add milk.
-Before I serve him the espresso, I suck and lick his cock until he tells me to give him his coffee.
-I serve it to him with handle turned the correct way.
-I pick my own clothing for work. He picks all my clothing for other than work. (I sleep naked.)
-Everyday, I ask which perfume I should wear. I have several perfumes and he changes daily.
-During the day, I text him and we have specific rules of when I am to text him.
-I must ask before going anywhere. Usually, he drives me to and from.
-I must ask for anything I desire. If granted, he buys. He controls all money. He does all shopping.
-I also serve him coffee after naps or any other time that he requests.
-If he finds a girl attractive, or chats with any other girls he lets me know.
-He tells me if he makes himself cum, while talking to someone else. Often, I’m at home and I suck his cock or fuck him as he talks to other girls. (This is a kink for both of us.)
-We have a girlfriend and we both text her and call her often and she comes to spend time with us, too.
-I say, yes Sir and no Sir in private and now are branching out a bit to saying it more often and not necessarily just in private.
-I get in trouble if I disobey.
-I’m SUPPOSED to ask before bathroom, shower, computer, book, etc. I do sometimes forget to ask before I go to the bathroom, because I have to pee a lot! LOL no that’s not a good excuse.
-I’m SUPPOSED to keep the calendar up to date.
-I’m SUPPOSED to lay out work clothes the night before and let him know when i have.
-I’m SUPPOSED to go to bed by 10pm on worknights and start getting ready at 9pm.
-I’m SUPPOSED to send him a pic of some kind each day. It can be me naked or someone else naked or just a normal pic if I’m not feeling it. To please him, though, I always try to send him something to turn him on.
-I’m SUPPOSED to go to the gym 5 days per week unless I ask first.
-I’m SUPPOSED to keep the bathroom clean – except the toilet.
-Of course, I also do as I’m told sexually at all times. And this is often during the week and sometimes more than once a day. ūüôā

Okay, so I’m not perfect, but as you can see, we have a lot going on daily to try and keep me feeling submissive. It’s definitely more mind-blowing for me, than mundane!

Day 9 of 30 Days of Submission: Day 9 ‚Äď Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Day 9 ‚Äď Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

I do accept and expect structure, rules and limits. I want them. If I want to serve my Master and this makes him happy, then I want to know what it is that I need to do. It really makes things a lot easier when you can know what will make your significant other happy. And I’m the type of person that likes structure anyway. I like rules and lists and I like very specific directions. This helps me know that I am doing things correctly. So, in my relationship I can feel that I am doing the things that are guaranteed to make him happy and proud of me – basically, PLEASED with me.

My rules and chores tend to ebb and flow. Sometimes my Master is more strict than others and we often come together to rewrite the rules. By this, I mean HE rewrites the rules. He does this based on our circumstances – such as who is living with us at the time, how much discretion is needed, health limitations, times of the year, after moves, or just after we have digressed from our BDSM life due to, well, due to life!

My Master has actually just recently come up with a new short list for me. It consists of the following:

1. Physical Appearance – I must do everything possible to make myself as pleasing to him as I can. To me this means dressing as nicely or sexily as is reasonable for the current activities. Making sure I am shaved, clean and make-up on. I also need to lose weight, so this would mean watching my weight also.

2. Blogging everyday.

3. Whenever my Master gives me an instruction, I am to do first and then if I feel the need, I may ask if I may say or ask something. This is VERY hard for me because I want to say, but…because I feel that he may lack some information that I need to tell him. Even if it is seemingly impossible for me to do, I must make some effort to look as though I am beginning to follow the direction. (For example, start to get up and head the correct direction before asking if I may say something.)

4. Inspections – This is a naked inspection wherein my Master will look at my body. I guess to see if I am reasonable shaved, etc.

This is all that he has given me, though there are a few unspoken rules – I always make him fresh coffee espresso and serve him in bed – each morning and after naps. Also, I ask permission for almost everything. I am also never to raise my voice to him.

I do feel, at times, that the chores are almost pointless. I may not see a reward or a compliment or a punishment at times when I don’t perform correctly. And this discourages me and makes me think, Why should I? Of course I already know the answer and so I try very hard not to think that way and to continue what he wants me to do.

NEW TIMES, NEW RULES, NEW STARTS

I think that if you are in any relationship for any length of time, the relationship will inevitably be subject to ups and downs, ¬†trials – ¬†big and small. ¬†One or both (or more) members of the relationship will begin to be dissatisfied or worse depressed about the relationship or some aspect of it. ¬†The question then becomes whether it is worth plowing through the problems or giving up and moving on. ¬†I am a deeply committed person and I don’t like to give up – especially because I know what I have and I want to keep it. ¬†I want to move toward a better and more satisfying relationship and I am willing to put forth the effort. ¬†No, not willing, but rather excited to put forth the effort. ¬†When a relationship discovers that it must analyze and and take action in order to move away from the dissatisfaction and move toward more happiness, the only question is – are all members on board? ¬†If so, ¬†they ¬†will eventually need to refresh and renew and refocus the relationship somehow, someway. It might come on the heels of a slowly decaying relationship or it might come on the heels of a major argument. ¬† The new start might occur via a vacation or with an awesome discussion. ¬†

BDSM relationships are not exempt from ¬†relationship issues . ¬†And probably more so, because while life gets in the way of any relationship, boy, can it really get in the way of a BDSM relationship. ¬†Because of taboos in our society and because of children, BDSM has its place and time and if you don’t make the time for it, or if you are unable to make time due to life circumstances, then the relationship can suffer. ¬†This is especially true for those who wish to LIVE the lifestyle 24/7 such as we do. ¬†

OUR relationship has not been going that great lately and it has been sad for me and sad for my Master. What happened? ¬†Hmmm….I think it has been simply neglect of the BDSM part of our relationship. ¬†So many dramas have arisen that have not allowed us to spend time where it was really needed and our relationship REALLY suffered. ¬†We both knew it and we both wanted it to change. ¬†Over time, we’ve had many arguments and discussions and tried to get somewhere, but never seem to. ¬†Know the feeling? ¬†We are still husband, wife, parents, and best friends. I think we have finally both gotten on the same page and been honest enough with each other to see some of the major problems that we are having and my Master has set forth that it is time to do some things DIFFERENT! ¬†Soooo, it’s TIME for a NEW START, and NEW RULES. ¬†

I am so excited and happy for this new start. ¬†Most importantly, I am excited that our love is so strong and that we are both on the same page…..still. ¬†That alone is BLISS!