Exposed Loving asks the following questions of Dommes and Submissives. I do not have a Domme, but rather a Dom. I am bisexual, though, and have had my share of fantasies involving an imaginary Domme. heehee. Nevertheless, the questions are something I should like to answer.
I am definitely NOT a switch. I’m definitely a submissive and, in fact, in a room of other subs, I would feel most comfortable as the bottom of the totem pole, or at least equal with the bottom of the totem pole. I don’t like to top another at all. I feel very uncomfortable at the thought. Serving, though? That I feel comfortable with and like, seek, yearn for.
1. What is it that you get out of the power exchange? How does it satisfy you?
I very much crave being told what to do. First of all, I have trouble over small decisions. Big decisions, especially, of my beliefs, I feel very strong about and have no problem stating them. It’s the little things that I often have trouble with. Or big decisions that I really don’t care one way or another about. I feel I can be happy in so many many situations, especially with my Master, therefore, I don’t care about making the decision. I don’t like control often because I don’t want the responsibility of making the wrong choice. Often I don’t like the control because honestly, I’d rather please. It’s like food. Order for me because I like to eat everything and it makes me feel taken care of when you order for me. Also, I love structure and routine made out for me. I am most productive with this in place, less so if I am the one putting the structure in place. Not that I don’t sometimes want to do my own thing, don’t we all. But the result is not as good. I also get a kinky, sexual thrill when I’m ordered to do something. And when I’m praised for following the order. I think by being ordered to do something, the responsibility is not mine and if it is something that I might be embarrassed to do or want to, but feel silly, or awkward, then I feel better when ordered, because I “have to”.
2. Do you understand your needs and desires to be different when you are playing than your counter part? How different? Why different?
Oh, yes. I do. And not just in playing, because even if it is in a small way at the time, we are 24/7. My Master needs to be in charge. He feels good when things go his way. He is perfectly accepting of responsibility if things go wrong. I don’t want to be in charge and then if things go wrong, I can graciously reassure him that it is ok if he made a mistake. Honestly, I think I am more gracious about it. On the other hand, he probably won’t think so. And also, on the other hand, he is absolutely so forgiving of me when I make a mistake, particularly if it is not something that I was “in charge” of, which is not often. I like it that way. I feel more safe. I believe that he feels more safe if he is the one in charge. Another way we are different is that he has a kink to make me feel some pain, to make me feel some humiliation, to make me cry at times. (Weirdly enough, he cannot stand it when I cry at other times, such as when someone else has hurt my feelings. Or if we get in discussion and I cry.) I think if he is in “charge” of the crying, then he is aroused by it. I feel so many things when I feel pain, or humiliation or cry. The pain and crying is a huge release. I never would have understood that, really, until I experienced it for myself. I think it is harder for some people, like me, to let go at times. I have so much going on in my head all the time. Life is so complicated, you know. The humiliation for me, is a more recent turn on. I honestly don’t know why it is a turn on. I would have previously never, ever thought I would be into it. But, I actually get turned on. (I’m not talking about serious humiliation. At least not at this point, anyway. For example, I don’t think I would be comfortable being told I was a dirty fat pig when I cheated on my diet. On the other hand, If I was given a lecture about it, then I would feel bad and lectures from my Master sometimes turn me on. (A change over the years. lol) I would be turned on and also shamed if I were told that I had to pull down my pants and stand in the corner for something. Being exposed is somewhat humiliating for me, embarrassing. I’m trying to think of some other examples of humiliation that might be a turn-on for me. I guess that is another post. 😉 I also like being taken care of, kind of like a pet, not that I play a pet part, usually, but a pet, like my little lap dog, is cared for and petted and cherished, and adored. I think my Master likes having the companionship of his pet, the service that his pet gives him. (Not that my dog really does anything like laundry for me, but…LOL). He likes controlling when the sex is, where the sex is, who the sex is with, all down to what movies we watch. It makes him feel good. I guess because he takes such good care of me and listens to my input, when I give it. (even if he doesn’t follow it, being listened to means a lot), then all that, in turn, makes ME feel good, too. Win/win.
3. As a Domme do you wish to feel what the sub feels i.e. subspace, the pleasure of the pain? As a sub do you long to feel what your Domme feels i.e. the power and control? What about as a switch?
As a sub, I do NOT long to feel what my Dom feels. I do not WANT the power and control. Maybe since I had to be in control of so much during my life before him – I was the oldest child, I wore the pants in my first marriage, much as I detested it. And I am somewhat in control at work with two assistants. That is enough for me! Now that I’ve tasted submission, I wish I didn’t work so i could just be a home submissive. And I really love my job, too. Go figure. And no, don’t ever want to be a switch, either.
4. Can you explain in your own words, why you are a Domme or why you are a submissive? Why you are a switch?
I think that basically I’ve already said this, but I am submissive because I have difficulty with being in control basically. I have difficulty making decisions. I mean I can give you a 2 page report on the pros and cons of each decision, but then, please, tell me the final answer so that I don’t have to feel the anxiety or burden of responsibility for the consequences. In addition, I am somewhat shy, therefore, there are things that without urging (read ordered), I will probably never do or experience, even if I really want to. Thus, help from my Master is so welcoming.
Opposites really do attract. Opposites fit. Opposites are really two halves of a whole.