30 Days of Submission: Being Little: Day 2

Describe who you might reveal your Little side to and how. Do you allow your Little side to emerge only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Do you reveal your Little side to play partners, family, friends or only in the context of a relationship?

This is a tricky question. Do I have a “little side”? Perhaps I’m not understanding the exact definition of little? Perhaps I’m not little at all? Wow. This question has me pondering. I do feel that I am way more submissive to C when not in front of some people, such as my family, but it’s not that I’m acting like a little girl as much as someone who really needs direction, praise, and so forth. Not sure at all what to think. 

Day 1: Being Little

Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

I’ve struggled with this a bit lately. I like to address my guy as my Master or Sir. He likes me to refer to him as Daddy sometimes. It took me awhile to realize the difference between slave and submissive. I used to think that a slave was a submissive that was just intense about his/her submission to one person in particular, her Master.  But the way I now understand it is different. ??? 

At first, my Master referred to me as his pet, but I did not think of myself in the manner of a pet as in a dog or cat, per se, but more of pet as in a pet name like darling or something. 

Recently, my Master said that he had been deciding that I more fit the category of a little?? In reading some things about a little, I totally see myself. I like to be taken care of and cuddled. But on the other hand, I don’t particularly care about dressing I pigtails and I’m not into coloring in a coloring book in my spare time. ( not that I would be against that, but I have no spare time! Lol) I prefer to crochet or brush my dog. Haha. 

So honestly, I have no idea where I fit. Perhaps I don’t.  😦

I think of myself as truly submissive to my Master. I like calling him Sir as in Yes Sir. But then again, he has never asked me or told me to say anything different. 

So my final answer is…..

I don’t know. 

Still in a Rut….But how do we get out of it…

Unfortunately, we have been a rut for some time.  It’s not to say that it is a deep hole or a mudslide.  Things are not horrible.  But, things are not where either of us want to be.  He says that he still wants and desires me.  He says that he wants to step up the Dom/sub, that he needs to.  But for some reason it is not happening.  I keep asking him what I need to do and he doesn’t really have anything for me to do.

I know some things that I need to do and I guess, like him, it is just hard to have the motivation.  😦  So I need to stop waiting around for him before I do some things myself.  I feel I have to.  I want to.  So, I’m going to start with a few of my own rules…for myself.  I’m sure that if he doesn’t like them, then he will tell me not to and then, of course, I will obey.  I want to obey.  I need more.  I need more of a lot of things and I need to work on making them happen for me.

I’m going to start with two steps.

Step 1 – I need to concentrate on my health.  I need to eat healthier and exercise.  (Don’t we all. lol)  I’m not really that overweight, but I do know that 20 extra pounds on me lowers my self confidence, affects my health, and makes me less desirable.  So, that is my first step.

Step 2 – I need to take more time to blog and read and explore and make online friends.  I used to want a sub sister friend, but that’s not working out.  I don’t want that anymore.  I decided that awhile back.  I will submit to whatever my Master desires, but I’m not going out on a limb with the heart to heart friendship thing.  I think I prefer to only have that as a non-romantically involved relationship.  (And even then, I have been hurt, so i may not go that route either.) Maybe making friends with the bloggers that I see their thoughts and I know they won’t just “disappear”.  That may be the best way to go.

On those steps, I’m going to think…..and now…sleep.

Result of Asking for a Whipping.

I was drinking, wanting attention, wanting to be spanked or whipped, as I posted.

My Master read the post, came in and proceeded to “pay me some attention”!

Following are copies of the conversation that he had with a friend about the experience. 

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

              

Questions for Dommes and Submissives reblogged from Exposed Loving

Exposed Loving asks the following questions of Dommes and Submissives.  I do not have a Domme, but rather a Dom.  I am bisexual, though, and have had my share of fantasies involving an imaginary Domme.  heehee.  Nevertheless, the questions are something I should like to answer.

I am definitely NOT a switch.  I’m definitely a submissive and, in fact, in a room of other subs, I would feel most comfortable as the bottom of the totem pole, or at least equal with the bottom of the totem pole.  I don’t like to top another at all.  I feel very uncomfortable at the thought.  Serving, though?  That I feel comfortable with and like, seek, yearn for.

1. What is it that you get out of the power exchange? How does it satisfy you?

I very much crave being told what to do.  First of all, I have trouble over small decisions.  Big decisions, especially, of my beliefs, I feel very strong about and have no problem stating them.  It’s the little things that I often have trouble with.  Or big decisions that I really don’t care one way or another about.  I feel I can be happy in so many many situations, especially with my Master, therefore, I don’t care about making the decision.  I don’t like control often because I don’t want the responsibility of making the wrong choice.  Often I don’t like the control because honestly, I’d rather please.  It’s like food.  Order for me because I like to eat everything and it makes me feel taken care of when you order for me.  Also, I love structure and routine made out for me.  I am most productive with this in place, less so if I am the one putting the structure in place.  Not that I don’t sometimes want to do my own thing, don’t we all.  But the result is not as good.  I also get a kinky, sexual thrill when I’m ordered to do something.  And when I’m praised for following the order.  I think by being ordered to do something, the responsibility is not mine and if it is something that I might be embarrassed to do or want to, but feel silly, or awkward, then I feel better when ordered, because I “have to”.

2. Do you understand your needs and desires to be different when you are playing than your counter part? How different? Why different?

Oh, yes.  I do.  And not just in playing, because even if it is in a small way at the time, we are 24/7.  My Master needs to be in charge.  He feels good when things go his way.  He is perfectly accepting of responsibility if things go wrong.  I don’t want to be in charge and then if things go wrong, I can graciously reassure him that it is ok if he made a mistake.  Honestly, I think I am more gracious about it.  On the other hand, he probably won’t think so.  And also, on the other hand, he is absolutely so forgiving of me when I make a mistake, particularly if it is not something that I was “in charge” of, which is not often.  I like it that way.  I feel more safe.  I believe that he feels more safe if he is the one in charge.  Another way we are different is that he has a kink to make me feel some pain, to make me feel some humiliation, to make me cry at times.  (Weirdly enough, he cannot stand it when I cry at other times, such as when someone else has hurt my feelings.  Or if we get in discussion and I cry.)  I think if he is in “charge” of the crying, then he is aroused by it.  I feel so many things when I feel pain, or humiliation or cry.  The pain and crying is a huge release.  I never would have understood that, really, until I experienced it for myself.  I think it is harder for some people, like me, to let go at times.  I have so much going on in my head all the time.  Life is so complicated, you know.  The humiliation for me, is a more recent turn on.  I honestly don’t know why it is a turn on.  I would have previously never, ever thought I would be into it.  But, I actually get turned on.  (I’m not talking about serious humiliation.  At least not at this point, anyway.  For example, I don’t think I would be comfortable being told I was a dirty fat pig when I cheated on my diet.  On the other hand, If I was given a lecture about it, then I would feel bad and lectures from my Master sometimes turn me on.  (A change over the years. lol) I would be turned on and also shamed if I were told that I had to pull down my pants and stand in the corner for something.  Being exposed is somewhat humiliating for me, embarrassing. I’m trying to think of some other examples of humiliation that might be a turn-on for me.  I guess that is another post.  😉   I also like being taken care of, kind of like a pet, not that I play a pet part, usually, but a pet, like my little lap dog, is cared for and petted and cherished, and adored.  I think my Master likes having the companionship of his pet, the service that his pet gives him.  (Not that my dog really does anything like laundry for me, but…LOL).  He likes controlling when the sex is, where the sex is, who the sex is with, all down to what movies we watch.  It makes him feel good.  I guess because he takes such good care of me and listens to my input, when I give it. (even if he doesn’t follow it, being listened to means a lot), then all that, in turn, makes ME feel good, too.  Win/win.

3. As a Domme do you wish to feel what the sub feels i.e. subspace, the pleasure of the pain? As a sub do you long to feel what your Domme feels i.e. the power and control? What about as a switch?

As a sub, I do NOT long to feel what my Dom feels.  I do not WANT the power and control.  Maybe since I had to be in control of so much during my life before him – I was the oldest child, I wore the pants in my first marriage, much as I detested it.  And I am somewhat in control at work with two assistants.  That is enough for me!  Now that I’ve tasted submission, I wish I didn’t work so i could just be a home submissive.  And I really love my job, too.  Go figure. And no, don’t ever want to be a switch, either.

4. Can you explain in your own words, why you are a Domme or why you are a submissive? Why you are a switch?

I think that basically I’ve already said this, but I am submissive because I have difficulty with being in control basically.  I have difficulty making decisions.  I mean I can give you a 2 page report on the pros and cons of each decision, but then, please, tell me the final answer so that I don’t have to feel the anxiety or burden of responsibility for the consequences.  In addition, I am somewhat shy, therefore, there are things that without urging (read ordered), I will probably never do or experience, even if I really want to.  Thus, help from my Master is so welcoming.

Opposites really do attract.  Opposites fit.  Opposites are really two halves of a whole.

Force Me!

I am yearning for more structure, more rules, more micromanaging, more discipline, more tasks.  The problem is a common one for me.  The problem is this:

My Master will up the ante when I request this, which is often.  He will give me more rules and tasks.  I try to follow and usually do pretty good for a day or two and then I begin to slack.  I give excuses or he actually gives me excuse not to do things.  Occasionally, he will punish me for not keeping up, but not usually.  And things go back to normal, pretty much, slackness.  After a while, I might say to my Master that he is not making me do these things and then he responds with the very true fact that I am not obeying.  He is so sweet and forgiving.  I don’t want him to be mean to me, not really.  But, I feel I have no self-discipline.  And that makes me not feel good about myself.  Sigh.  After a time,……..repeat.

What can I do about this?

30 Days of Kink- Second Time Around

I just realized that I have completed this 30 Days of Kink before, but it was a few years ago. I wonder how much/if I’ve changed or have anything to add? Let’s see. 🙂